New Year resolutions!
The end of the year is a natural time to reflect on how your year has been and what you’d like the following year to look like, and for some they are reminded of the things they don’t have. This can be exacerbated sometimes by well-meaning family and friends saying things like “why are you still single?” and the increase in social situations you turn up to alone.
Yet no matter what your relationship past or present, it can be a wonderful time of year if you let it.
Here are some tips to help you enjoy the silly season:
1. Make a list of all the things you were grateful for in 2016.
They don’t have to be life-changing events, notice the little things. Did you tackle a challenging work project? Did you have an amazing adventure or holiday? By noticing what you do have (rather than what you feel you lack) you’ll be training your brain into seeing what’s in front of you.
2. Notice when you are making the BE->DO->HAVE mistake.
Most of us have the thinking pattern at some time if I HAVE a boyfriend then I’ll DO a diving course and BE so content. Flip the order! Try and feel more positive so you do the course anyway, and guess what, your newfound positive energy might just attract a mate!
3. Plan ahead.
Find some things to look forward to over the Christmas and New Year Break – have a pyjama party with a friend, or a movie marathon of your favourite genre, book some mini-trips (or a big one!), know what you’re going to do for New Year’s Eve. By taking away some of the anxiety about “What will I do for ….?”, you’re freeing up your energy to enjoy yourself!
4. Treat yourself to something special.
Being single means you don’t have to buy a gift for a partner so use the money to spoil yourself – is there an experience you’d love to do, or buy those shoes you’ve been eyeing off. Even better, wrap it up and put it under your tree.
5. Establish some of your own traditions.
Maybe you can make New Year’s Day a beach day where you can meet up with some friends or take a good book and enjoy some solo time. Having a cleansing salty swim is a wonderful way to bring in the new year!
6. Establish your Relationship Values
If finding a partner is going to take priority in the New Year it helps to know what you’re looking for. Get a big piece of paper and write this question across the top: “What is most important to me in the context of a relationship?” and then brainstorm a list. There are no right or wrong answers in this exercise and you may surprise yourself by what you consider important. Make sure you think of your wants and needs, not what you think you should put down. And then create a list of ways you can put yourself out there in the New Year – is it time to join the online dating world? Could you start a course? Look for singles parties? If you’re not putting energy into dating then it won’t happen.
7. Look outward.
After all your self-reflection, look for opportunities to do things for someone else – maybe you can help volunteer at an animal shelter or even babysit your friends kids so they can go out. We feel good when we do good, so look for ways you can help the wider community.
After all, isn’t that the spirit of Christmas?
By Jacqui Manning
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