How do you know if you’re in the right relationship?
When life isn’t a Hollywood movie, how can you tell if your leading man is fit for the job?
I have a friend, let’s call her Nicole, who has just started dating a fabulous man she met on eHarmony. He was great on paper, and in real life he backed it up, being even more charming, funny and good looking.
Sounds like the dream, right?!
Yes. And that was precisely the problem.
Nicole then started to worry that because nothing was wrong, something wasn’t right.
Clinical relationship counsellor and author of 31 Days to Build a Better Relationship, Clinton Power from Clinton Power and Assoscites says deciphering whether a relationship is ‘right’ is easier than you think. “A good relationship will meet your primary needs for love, affection, security and safety,” he says. “The right relationship should feel positive, mutual, loving, respectful and enjoyable.”
It would make sense that an unhealthy relationship is the opposite of these things. “If the security and safety of your connection is threatened, compromised or harmed in any way, this may be a red flag that this relationship is not right for you,” says Clinton.
Of course, relationships have their phases and the ‘right’ one will flourish between each stage. “As the honeymoon stage of the relationship comes to an end the excitement and euphoria can tend to dissipate, but this makes room for the development of a deeper, more mature love for one another,” explains Clinton.
There are also clues to look out for that indicate you two are well matched, and on your way to happy ever after. They are:
True mutuality: All decisions and actions that are made in the relationship benefit both parties. You are each other’s ‘go-to’ person for all important matters.
Safety and security: You both protect the safety and security of the relationship at all costs and seek to repair any upsets or disagreements quickly.
Kindness and respect: You treat each other with kindness, care and never do anything to harm your partner in public or private.
Perhaps above all else, it’s important not to get caught up in analysing your partner or relationship too much. You know they’re right for you if it feels right, so allow your heart to have the final word.
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