6 signs he’s a player, not a keeper
If only players walked around with neon signs above their heads, surely there would be less heartache in the world. Instead we must learn to identify the signs so that we end up with a catch – not a broken heart. Here’s how to tell them apart.
1. Words and actions need to line up
When someone is really serious about getting to know you, they will make the effort to do so. You will also feel like you and your time are valued and appreciated. This means that when they say something, they will actually follow through with it. A player tends to offer false promises and often leaves you in hope rather than making the effort to act on those words spoken. Don’t be fooled by what they might say, instead look at what they are doing. Do their words line up with their actions? Or are they giving you two different stories?
2. Listen to how they are talking
Simple things like compliments can really give you a good indication of whether or not they want something serious. Flattery is nice, but only if it is for the right reason. “You’re hot” as opposed to “You look beautiful” sends two completely different messages. The first is somewhat juvenile with a sexual and shallow connotation attached to it, while the second signifies something a little deeper and more sophisticated. Are they constantly making sexually-charged jokes or are they asking meaningful questions? A player will usually have only a short term agenda on their mind, whereas a keeper will be interested in discovering the real you.
3. You will be a priority
It’s that simple. When someone wants to be with you, they will make every effort to do so. This goes beyond only making time for you for a casual hook up. They will prioritise you in their life and schedule and make sure that you are aware of it. You won’t have to fight for a position in their life because they will already have made a way for you to be there.
4. You won’t be left second guessing
When you date a keeper, there is certainty, consistency and clarity about your relationship. Players, on the other hand, will always leave you wondering where you stand and where the relationship is headed. Whether it’s the broken plans or wondering when they are going to call next, players have you on tenterhooks. They love the chase and they have no intention of committing to plans – or a future with you.
5. There will be a level of commitment
Probably the biggest indication is their ability to commit. Of course, you may not know this straight away as it takes time to get to know someone. After all, sometimes even the good eggs can “ghost” you. However, someone that is serious about you will indicate it from the beginning. They will book you up, make plans with you and won’t leave you wondering if they are seeing someone else at the same time. A player, on the other hand, will never be able to lock anything in, only see you when it’s convenient for them, and will have no long term goals with you involved.
6. They won’t be trying to get you in bed
A huge indication is whether or not they are able to hold off on the physical side of things. A player will usually have one thing on their mind, and with no strings attached. A keeper will understand the importance of courtship and will value getting to know you first before things get intimate. Their actions, words and flirting will be respectful, romantic and inspire butterflies (not heartache!)
Can you tell the keepers from the players? Share your tips in the comments below or join the conversation @eHarmony_AU or on Facebook.com/eHarmonyaustralia.
About Renee Slansky
Renee Slansky is an Australian TV Presenter, writer, dating and relationship coach and founder of Australia’s number 1 dating blog www.thedatingdirectory.co.
Her heart for people to experience fulfilling and healthy relationships has seen her featured on some of the largest online publications and dating sites in the world including The Huffington Post, The Good Men Project and Elite Daily.
As a dating guru Renee can be seen and heard on the TV and radio regularly and hosts her own online TV channel. Her teachings are all about offering practical advice, support and solutions to real life issues in love. Think of her as your modern day Fairy Godmother!
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