Relationship Advice

6 April 2011

Five ways to know you’ve had a great first date

by eHarmony

The nerves that often set in on a first date can make it hard to work out how you really feel. So, how can you know if you’ve had a great first date or not?


Read our tell-tale signs to find out if you’re on the road to finding love…

1. You’re excited
This isn’t just about nerves, but a feeling of positive anticipation about your date. You should feel good about planning what you’re going to wear, or where you’re going to go together. Meeting someone you’ve talked to online for weeks can be an exciting experience. While it’s ok to feel nervous, if you’re someone who suffers from anxiety, remind yourself that there’s no commitment involved – just the chance to have a great time with some new company.

Warning signs: If you’re not excited at all, maybe you’re really not that interested in meeting them. On the other hand, fear may have taken hold: in this case you should remind yourself that if you don’t take chances you’ll never meet new people. If a recent break-up is holding you back, take some time out until you’re ready.

2. It feels natural
First dates are rarely going to be completely easy, especially those first few minutes where you’re both trying to get the conversation flowing. You’ll probably reference events you’ve talked about on email or on the phone, and hopefully relax into a more natural conversation. As the date progresses, look for this feeling of ease – if you find yourself simply enjoying the conversation, this is a great sign of a successful first date.

Warning signs: If conversation stalls or you find yourself mentally listing little things that annoy you about your date, then you’re probably not onto a winner. However, keep in mind that a few idiosyncrasies may become ‘cute’ once you get to know the person. It’s about knowing yourself well enough to know what a genuine ‘deal-breaker’ is for you.

3. You’re interested in each other
Natural curiosity will be present on a great first date – each partner should want to find out as much as possible about the other. You should be exchanging information verbally and also assessing them through their body language and actions. For example, does he have a nice smile? Is she polite to the waiter? Are you making each other laugh?

Warning signs: If you find yourself losing thread of what your date is talking about, you may be lacking mutual interest. Alternatively, if your date seems to be looking away or not engaging in the conversation, they may have made up their mind about you. That said, always give a date a fair go – they might glance around the room a few times simply because they’re nervous.

4. It ends naturally
If you both seem relaxed and reluctant to end the date, this is a positive sign of a great first date. When it comes to the goodbye hug or kiss, the level of sexual tension is another indicator. You will hopefully feel more attracted to this person than you did a few hours before.

Warning signs: If your date seems to be rushing the night along, by saying things like, “I’m so tired, I better head off soon”, then they’re probably just not feeling it. Body language is important here too – did you get a quick handshake or awkward hug? If you notice you’re doing the rushing or handshaking, acknowledge to yourself, and you’re date that while you’ve had a great time, it’s unlikely that there’ll be a romantic future between you.

5. What happens next?
Following up after a date within a few days is important to keep a potential relationship moving forward. If there’s interest, at least one person should get in touch to say thanks for a great time, and perhaps suggest another date.

Warning signs: An extended period of silence. Work and personal commitments can get in the way, but it doesn’t take too much time to make a quick call or write a short email. If someone wants to follow up on a date they generally will. On the other hand, multiple or overly personal messages should also ring alarm bells of too much too soon.

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Comments

1

Peter

6 May 2011 13:54

Why can’t people just be honest and say “I’m sorry, your just not what I expected, or you are not what I am looking for, but let’s finish the coffee and wish each other all the best in finding our soul mate”. It certainly would alleviate all the anticipation of what happens next. If the date is going fantastic, then the same applies. Tell them you had a great night and would love to catch up again. If you need to get way early let them know that unfortuantely you have an early start in the morning, but at least give them your mobile phone number. It will (at the least) give the guy an indication of how the night went and whether or not their is an opportunity for another date….

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2

Julie

11 May 2011 01:23

Great words Peter, we’re all here for the same reason – to meet a partner. We all should be honest with ourselves and others and if they are not what you were expecting then if nothing else you’ve met another person in the world and maybe even made a new friend. We should wish them well in their search because that’s what we want in our search.

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3

Marion

13 May 2011 08:57

I agree Peter, the simple honesty upfront and early in the piece, can alleviate any moments wondering what the next step is. Julie, I see your point, however I have come across people who aren’t after a partner – they are more into just playing games. Many pretenders out there I can tell you. I have had all 5 points checked, and even had a “when can I call you” request – I responded. I am still waiting, and that was a while ago. On the upside – I am aware early that this person is not the one for me, as that honesty just is’t there. I am always happy for knowing early (after date #1), rather than later when there are more emotions involved.

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4

Kay

13 May 2011 11:23

Went on a first date a few days ago, and ‘knew’ it went fabulously well. My date gave great eye contact, open body language, engaged in conversation for 2hrs. It all ‘felt’ great too! Throughout he gave positive feedback saying he felt ‘comfortable’, was ‘glad we met’, asked if we could do it again and then at the end, asked if he could call me. 3hrs later, I was deleted from his communication box & never heard from him again. Against all the ‘dating rules’ out there, I text him to let him know I had a good time and was looking forward to chatting again. Disappeared. GUYS! Please don’t waste our time – let us know up front, or if that seems to confrontational, then just leave it as “I had a nice time”. Please DON’T ‘feed’ us heaps of positive stuff, lean in for the kiss, ask if you can call, if you have NO intention of doing so! That’s just impolite!

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5

vik

15 May 2011 12:32

so true! whats so annoying is when someone organize a date and then cancels it or pretends to try and organize one when they know you are busy first. Be honest and stop stuffing the other person around. It makes you look like tools and is such a turn off.

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6

Andy

18 May 2011 14:30

I have to agree with all the comments above. I think the most important aspects as mentioned above is honesty and open communication.

As for people who want to play games; go back to the school yard and stop playing with people’s emotions and feelings!!! Look at it from another perspective – would you like to be treated like that, and if you are honest the answer would be NO; so don’t do it to other people, plus it makes it harder for genuine people.

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7

James

5 August 2011 03:54

I recently went on a first date that seemed to be going really well, conversation was flowing, and time flew by in a flash, and neither of us appeared to want it to end (but we did both have to work in the morning). We even agreed to go out again the next time we both had some time.

Still, the next morning, there it was, an email saying “thanks, but no thanks, good luck, and goodbye”. I guess it’s better than no response at all (had that too), but I am seriously confused by the outcome here.

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8

Julia

25 October 2011 11:56

I have been on a few first dates where the guys was clearly more interested in me than I was in them. On the last one (last week) after spending 1/2 hour avoiding his groping hands and trying my best to give him kind but obvious hints that I was not interested I told him I had to get home as I had a early start. At that point he made a vague reference to catching up for another drink. The next day I was bombarded with Text messages and on the next I send a nice email saying how I felt no ‘click’ and wished him all the best. The return email was filled with hate and recriminations and was very attacking. This is not the first of these I have received. So when everyone says ‘be honest’ and I am, to then be verbally attacked is upsetting. I know that there are feelings involved here but some people just need to grow up. Saying mean and nasty things is not going to have me rushing to your door and probably wont make the rejection feel any better. Its hard to be honest so man up and take it like one. I don’t believe its right but its probably because of responses such as these that people just fade away as they don’t want the hassel of dealing with immature vindictive people. Just my 2cents worth.

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