Relationship Advice

10 August 2011

The new rules of dating: four ways dating has changed in the last five years

by eHarmony

Are you finding yourself back in the dating trenches? If so, what follows are four brand new rules of dating. When you learn to embrace them, your results will dramatically shift from so-so to sensational…


Rule #1: Multi-dating is now part of the game
Five years ago, online dating made it possible to have a date almost every weekend. That’s not good enough anymore. Today, the savviest singles know that dating is a numbers game. Instead of putting all your emotional eggs in one basket, it’s time to start multi-dating. Sound daunting? It’s not. Plus, the benefits of multi-dating are well documented. Your expectations are tempered because you’re free from the pressure of making this one date work. There’s comfort in knowing that if one gets away, another will take their place. Plus, you get to put your flirting and dating skills to the test more regularly.

Rule #2: People have shorter attention spans (in other words, learn to work it!)
Remember when conventional wisdom blamed TV for creating shorter attention spans? These days, a variety of media all vie for our attention at any given time. From video games to 24/7 email delivered directly to your smartphone, to keeping up on your friends’ lives via Facebook and Twitter – the truth is, it’s growing more and more challenging to not only get someone’s attention, but to keep it. So how does that apply to your dating efforts? In all brutal honesty, it’s not enough anymore to be a handsome available catch. You’ve got to get in the social media game, create eye-catching profile headlines, and market your single assets. Sound impossible? It’s not. It just takes a little time, energy, and dedication. If you’re committed to getting real results, you’ll make the effort.

Rule #3: Technology has changed the game (embrace it!)
Gone are the days of creating a clever online dating profile, uploading your favourite photo, and sitting back to wait for the perfect match. The Internet dating pool nowadays is large and multi-faceted. You now you have to work a little harder to get real results. Invest in your success by embracing the multiple platforms now available to the average dater.

Rule #4: Dating is an industry
In the last five years, dating is not the only thing that’s changed. The dating industry has evolved into a sophisticated social science. There are books dedicated to the art of online dating, how to snag a good partner, and what rules to follow to ensure the woman of your dreams arrives within the first year. There are also coaches and experts dedicated to your success. Your job? To employ the methods you find useful, master the new principles, and date accordingly. Think of your dating life as a fun and fabulous part-time job. You need to implement the right tools, strategies, and support staff to make your job easier and more fun.

So there you have it. Four new rules of dating that’ll rock your results. May you learn them, live them, and love them!

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Comments

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Veronica

12 August 2012 22:14

Hmm . . . For someone with lots of commitments and/or works long hours, this newly required dedication sounds daunting, exhausting and definitely off-putting .

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Nick

10 February 2013 02:40

1. Multi-dating? I was brought up to consider that cheating. Though I suppose if a date is just coffee, then there is no committment, therefore no-one has been cheated on.
2. I’d rather capture the interest of someone with a longer attention span. If they live on Facebook and not in the real world, that’s a turnoff for starters. I actually think that short attention spans and multi-dating and lack of committment seem to go to together.
3. & 4: I’m with Veronica on this. No doubt you get out of the process what you put in, but technology also seems to make it easier to be less than truthful, too. I recently travelled a considerable distance to visit someone, only to have her confess that she was 8 years older than her profile age. Her rationalisation was that “since I never thought we’d meet, I didn’t think it would make any difference”.

At least she was honest enough to tell me, finally.

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Kelly

10 April 2013 04:48

I agree with Nick – I’d consider multi-dating to be cheating, especially if I’d been “chatting” to a person for a while before meeting them. How can you honestly be giving one person your full attention when you’re thinking about the other 3 people you’re stringing along. I wouldn’t do it and I hope it wouldn’t be done to me.

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Fay

21 April 2013 00:13

I am trying to develop and run a business on my own since losing my husband … multiple dating? Nah … the luxury of time is not on my side … my business would sink without this much input! I’ll have to keep going with the positive attitude and open expectations … men nowadays seem to want a woman to chase them … what happened to spontaneous and honest?

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Peter

21 April 2013 00:20

I wholeheartedly agree with Veronica, Nick and Kelly. How can you really get to know someone if you are actually dividing your attention between them and 3 others. It just doesn’t go hand in hand with being honest and upfront. I tried it once after pressure from others and then ended up losing the one that I really should have been with because I was missing the signals she was giving, too busy trying to concentrate on all 4.

While I’m at it, whats with women putting their ideal partners age at 10 to 20 years younger when if I do that I’m considered a dirty old man. I’m 62 and have my age range at 50 to 65 while ladies in my preferred age group are looking for 40 to 50. Can someone please explain.

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Cheryl

21 April 2013 02:20

I recently found someone amazing online. Before then was multidating, but have stopped looking to give this relationship a chance to work. I think it is like in the real world. Unless you make a commitment to each other (even if it is just to be boyfriend/ girlfriend), then you are not in a monogamous relationship. Once you make a commitment, then the rules of faithfulness kick in.

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Gail

21 April 2013 06:34

To me the whole idea of a dating site is just that. You chat for a while, meet up and if that connection is there you may decide to date exclusively. However for most people this means chatting and meeting a number of people in the process. Do not see that as cheating!

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Marg

21 April 2013 12:58

How can it be “cheating” unless there is an exclusivity agreement in place between two people? Those first few dates are explorations – finding out about the person you are sitting opposite. I do not see why one has to be exclusive about this. In fact, meeting a number of people simultaneously provides useful points of contrast about what you like or don’t like in the people you meet. It helps to make good choices. It is a great reminder of the diversity of personality traits out there before you choose to commit to something that becomes exclusive and special. And when things don’t work out, it helps to know there are always other options out there for you to move on with. I think it is healthy and sensible, and may mean you do not jump into something too fast or for the wrong reasons.

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Margaret

22 April 2013 10:43

I think multi tasking is the word. I prefer to have a couple of people that I email. It seems that many of the male sex have trouble making a commitment even for a coffee meet up, it has taken weeks to make a time then to have them decline or too busy or whatever excuse.
I’ve then wasted my time.

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Margaret

22 April 2013 10:48

I prefer to call it multi tasking. Having contact with a few people by email is not a date or a life time choice. I email a person a few times then try and arrange a meet up for coffee. I’ve been stood up a few times, I’ve meet someone who was at least 10 years older than his profile. Or have been cancelled at the last moment never to get a sorry, or asking to re-schedule next week.

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Niki

24 April 2013 11:54

We already know this is a business but thanks for reminding us your making a lot of money from people looking to find a friend and happiness..

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Petals May

26 April 2013 13:27

Whilst I appreciate Nick and Kelly’s sentiments on the subject of multi-dating …. but quite frankly unless there is a positive commitment between 2 people then multi-dating is definitely not cheating !!!!

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Margery

10 June 2013 14:35

Could someone clarify “multi-dating” for me? Does it refer to meeting up with more than one person (say,for coffee) before agreeing to date one person exclusively, or does it refer to having multiple intimate partners?

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Michael

23 June 2013 22:31

I think these comments are much shallower than other advice on eHarmony.

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