3 August 2012
Gallery: 10 things you should NEVER share on a first date
by eHarmony
Do you have a severe case of foot-in-mouth disease? Are you prone to jabbering on about anything on a first date just to fill the silence? Do you need to join Oversharers Anonymous? If any of that sounds like you, then you need to read this. Let us know if you agree in the comments!
Picture 10 of 10
"My ex...."
Exes are not first date conversation fodder. End of. If you feel the need to talk about your previous relationships on your date, then maybe you're not ready to be dating again. Showing any sign of bitterness about your relationship history will ensure you never see your date again.
1
janet
12 August 2012 03:45
Read one of. The ten. how about showing methe other nine? Your site is not easy to navigate. You are always wanting us to pay more. I can’t get into what is already there!
2
Janine
12 August 2012 06:11
totally agree,negativity breeds negative and influences atmosphere,why mess up so quickly?
3
bea
17 August 2012 12:49
Article is not finished
4
eHarmony
17 August 2012 16:37
Hi Bea,
We can see the complete gallery on our side – can you let us know what you think is unfinished about the article?
Thanks
Emily
eHarmony Advice
5
simon argall
19 August 2012 00:56
Well we can only see one point on each article
6
carmel
19 August 2012 10:20
I agree with all of these except number 10 – I know the ex is taboo, but if you have kids then you kind of have to mention the ex otherwise they remain the elephant in the corner…. if there are kids in the picture chances are there will be another parent lurking around somewhere!
7
eHarmony
20 August 2012 08:34
Hi Simon,
There are 10 images, and one point for each. The article is set up like a gallery – have you clicked the ‘Next’ button? I just want to be sure we don’t have a gremlin in the works!
Thanks
Emily
eHarmony Advice
8
Julie
25 August 2012 01:49
I agree about the hard to navigate site. If I was ever sent a message from someone I could not click in to read it. You only saw the first couple of lines then it said click for more and it didn’t open the message. There were other difficulties too, including not enough information.
9
robert ennis
27 August 2012 11:40
i agree with Carmel,the ex should be talked about, if someone is not over the past then it will show, and what if there is an ex thats two weeks from getting out of jail,and decides to come knocking at the door when released–no thanks who needs that?
regards chopper–just kiddin
Rob
10
Mark
1 September 2012 01:29
To all the people saying the site has done this wrong or that it’s not finished…
Click the damn ‘Next’ button under the picture.
There’s one page per picture.
11
Jan
20 September 2012 11:40
Well I am no computer buff but I did manage to find all 10 screens, to Julie and Bea my computer is a bit slow that stops the screens loading quickly, so slowly does it and you wil find they do come up. The screens are there. I enjoyed the commentary run but Mark lighten up everyone has to learn some of us just take a little longer.
12
sharron
26 September 2012 23:28
Hi I think it is a poain to wau=it for you to send matches. I want to be able to search a location and exhaust all the profiles for that are so I dont have to log on her and edit all the profiles yuou have sent me. I then have to trawl through them all to archive then close .can you adda remove button on all profiles so they dont keep reappearing
13
Rhonda
28 September 2012 06:46
Hi Sharon, i totally agree with you on the delete button, it would make it a lot easier to go through all of them.
14
Brett
30 September 2012 10:05
I couldnt agree more with them being donts! Keep the conversation light and fun
15
Joy
1 October 2012 05:10
great tips…and yes I agree with Chopper about the ex. I like to know straight up what ex issues might be with someone. A person’s attitude and relationship to their ex tells a whole lot about that person.
and yes….. please with the matches, just give a delete button, so we can delete on first sight rather than having to open each one up first.
16
Dan
1 October 2012 13:45
to the the e harmony team.i have just joined this site and would like to say that it is a hard or rather inconvinient site to navigate through.also there should be a simple delete button for profiles you dont want to see anymore instead of archiving and all that jazz.there is also no message tab?strange – not that i have any messages:-)
17
Sue
3 October 2012 11:53
I signed on in 2009 and can’t seem to change my original (first box) profile. If I try edit profile it never comes up with the first box and if I hit “FWD” after the area where I could change age/height/religion etc it never seems to go to that first box. My father has now passed away so I really want to alter that.
Thanks
PS I tried sending you something whilst on line but….where I typed in the question there is no SEND button ???
18
pussydestroyer9000
5 October 2012 09:23
the layout of this site is pretty bad, your supposed to find people with similiar interists. ill use music for in example you get like 10 diff choices of genres and say you pick dance music becouse you like dark psychedelic trance it matches you with a bunch of tiniboppers that listen to Kylie Minogue and crud..
19
eHarmony
5 October 2012 10:10
Hi there,
Thanks for your comments. Who you are matched with is primarily based on the questionnaire you filled out when you joined the site. Based on your answers to those questions we match you with compatible people who share your values, sense of humour, outlook on life etc. The categories you choose – e.g. music genres – under Something To Talk About are not actually part of our matching system, they are simply conversation starters. On each match profile we will show you interests you both have in common – as you point out they are broad, but they are not part of the matching criteria.
I hope this is a bit clearer now. If you’d like any more info on how eHarmony works, please don’t hesitate to contact us here: http://help-singles.eharmony.com.au/
Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice
20
Cam
26 October 2012 07:05
I dated a girl off eharmony for about a year. About 4 weeks into the relationship she told me one night about a guy she went out when she was at university, her first love some 18 years ago, who I had met socially at a BBQ. It was the first time to meet her brother and his girlfriend and other members of her family. She thought it was ok to invite him too. Let’s call him R. Anyway,she told me she had this 18 year old girl love for him and it was stupid. She said when she was in his presence there was a strong sexual tension. I was floored and then she told me she had stuffed up and then started to cry. Anyway our relationship continued and there were times when we would see this guy and when she was around him it was clear I was the third wheel. Even she was invited to a Christmas function evening at his parents. I was not invited, even though we had been dating for nearly 5 months. This continued and he would text her. One night they had dinner at her place where he cooked and he left at around 2 in the morning. I found these texts on her phone to him, “you make me smile”, and he responded, “there are things unsaid”, and she kept prompting him. So this continued and was a real issue between us. I felt so betrayed that this person R was always not too far away, lurking in the backgound. Then he contacted her to say his de facto relationship was over and he needed a good lawyer… So it continued, he was clearly making a play for her, but she was saying, no, he’s just this old friend. Anyway it got to a point where she wanted to see him and we had not been communicating after a family holiday and she had dinner with him, without inviting me. Then after that she decided to have a break of a week. Anyway we started seeing each other again and little did I know she decided to take her young children and stay a night at his place in the country. I found out about this the day after and she said it was nothing. I found an email to her friend, saying that she had behaved herself and hoped to “see” R some more. I was very upset when I found this. I stormed off in the morning and I came back that night. We were talking then at 11.30pm her phone rang and it was him. He left a message of just “hello”. So about a couple of weeks later I decided I wanted a break as this was doing my head in. She also told me they had dinner again. I was so confused but knew this was not healthy. She then started chasing me and begging me to be with her and that she was sorry that she had been this and that and really I had pushed her to see R and explore her feelings but had chosen me. During that time I met a flight attendant on a work trip and decided to follow up. I told my girlfriend I was on a break again that I did not want to be in a relationship. She was so upset. There was no one else I was involved with at that time but I liked this new girl. But I could not say this. Anyway she found out I was seeing someone new and I fessed up to her. She now says I treated her so badly and cheated on her. She said she did not cheat on me with R and still maintains that she is only just friends with “R”. What do people think? Was I right to break it off with her? Does she have a problem with bringing drama into the relationship?
21
mel
29 October 2012 12:15
Cam, Read back everything you wrote about your relationship and you will know if you were right or wrong to end it. It might be loneliness or self doubt that’s made you ask, but you know the answer. Personally (and this is just my opinion) I think there’s more than one way to cheat on a partner, just because she didnt jump into bed with him, that doesn’t make her loyal or respectful to you or the relationship she had with you. Whatever is going on with her and ‘R’ its obviously unresolved, and its a bit too close for ‘just friends’. When you’re in a relationship and serious about your partner, you change your life slightly to make room for them. This means getting rid of exes and putting your partner before any other friend/member of the opposite sex. She sounds confused and unsettled, and as long as shes like that, shes not ready to be in a stable relationship with anyone. Just judging by what you wrote, it didnt sound like a happy healthy relationship, so think twice before you go there again.
22
andrea
16 November 2012 04:36
Ive been in this situation. I just couldnt believe that I let it get to that. I found it all so totally sould destroying. I was tatally out of line with the texting, something that I certianly have learned from. I really find that the texting is such a bad form of contact. Im of the older generation and prefer a good old phone call. It really was such a shame because after being single for three years he was the nicest guy I had met.
23
Camille
9 December 2012 01:09
I agree with Mel, going out and texting back and forth etc are also forms of infidelity. I don’t blame you Cam for wanting to give this relationship a break to give her time to sort out her feelings! Personally I wouldn’t go back there either. A leopard doesn’t change it’s spots
24
Kaye
9 December 2012 05:13
Hi, just want to join in on the issue of the website, rather than this article. I have found the website difficult and very frustrating to use. To the point, that I am terminating my membership. All round disappointing. I thing for the amount members pay, the company should be putting more into the website design.
25
deb
9 December 2012 06:49
What the hell is left to talk about? The weather? Your hobbies? LOL
26
Sue
31 December 2012 01:42
I signed up for the New Year free trial but it is not a real free trial as eHarmony only lets you get so far and is really wanting to rope you in to a subscription by withholding your matches’ photos and other avenues which bring up the subscription page. I might have decided to join if the free trial were not so manipulative. They talk about openness and honesty in dating (I found the advice pages useful)but their own sales tactics are not so open and honest.(By the way if you are going to pass on my details to other businesses don’t bother – I already bought wine so everyone already has them – my delete button is already overworked.)
Also you don’t really have an appropriate option for people who have been in a de-facto relationship. When I put I had been married because this was a marriage in common law and then selected separated as there was no need for a legal divorce – I was barred and had to try again with another email address and put single. Please add more options to cater for what is a very common scenario these days. Putting single or never married at 65 makes you look like an old maid which is probably a big turnoff for most men.
27
Beth
6 January 2013 00:21
Why not try clicking next on the picture… idiots.
28
Tim
26 January 2013 00:19
Cam,
You shouldn’t have gone beyond “there was sexual tension between them”. It was clearly her way of saying she wasn’t over him. Any denial after that was a lie. Partners don’t get texts from someone they are over
29
Nancy
5 February 2013 19:11
From reading all of the comments above, I believe that she ‘girl off eHarmony’ wanted a commitment from you, Cam.
She was contacting and responding to ‘R’ in your company because she wanted to make you jealous. Unfortunately, you didn’t make that full commitment.
Sorry, this could be hard to hear.
30
Linda
10 February 2013 14:01
The site is not very intuitive.
Cam, get a grip mate, she is a drama queen, and haven’t you had enough yet? Move on, quick!
31
Alan.
11 February 2013 05:29
I will refrain from making any comments about these posts. I just wish some emoticons could be provided when using E harmony mail. Text can quite often misinterpreted and it would be very well accepted by all.
32
Debbie
15 February 2013 12:35
I have to say I thought this site would be something special! But i can’t believe they do a free weekend but you have no access to photos and you have to go through the stages before you can e-mail. Plus it is so confusing, I have just closed off a couple of great matches on paper to me, I didn’t realise closing meant deleting them forever, why is there a closed tab then???? All of this isn’t helping me think about joining, back to RSVP again I guess!
33
Delecia
16 February 2013 14:51
I have just signed up to this site n very impressed so far.
34
eHarmony
18 February 2013 10:18
Hi Debbie,
Thanks for your comments. The Free Communication Weekend is to give you the chance to start to communicate with your matches and see what eHarmony is all about. Guided Communication is a unique eHarmony feature which is why it features in our free weekend.
I’m sorry you found the site confusing and closed some of your matches that you liked. We do try and signpost that this is what will happen, but if you call Customer Care and explain your situation they may be able to reopen these matches for you. You can call them on 1800 707 894.
Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice
35
tracy
22 March 2013 01:26
I spent an hour once filling out the time consuming profile stuff.
I ticked ” separated as I was never married to my partner of 12 yrs and the relationship was totally over, and after an hour of filling in all that it said ” you have to be divorced or single !! ggrrr
36
eHarmony
22 March 2013 14:00
Hi Tracy,
I’m sorry that you’ve had difficulty with this. The reason we don’t tell people immediately that they can’t join our service if they are separated is because unfortunately some people will then go back one page and lie about their marital status. As you are separated but never married this isn’t a problem. Please call our Customer Care team on 1800 707 894 and they’ll be happy to sort this for you and answer any more questions you may have.
Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice
37
Chez
31 March 2013 06:59
Ahhh back to the topic~now what was it again~oh that is right what not to do on a first date~~
Oh I do so luuv these relationship experts advice~especially when you question them and seek evidence to substantiate the uhumm advice.
It is all very well putting this advice on a website but guess what? The variables are the people concerned and not everyone~thank God~ is a fascimile or carbon copy of a literary being~we are real and bring with us our personalities and experiences.
Too often I have been a witness to people shutting down as they feel they can never be what they have been told or advised to be or behave in the manner they have been told to behave
Guess what is the magical answer?
It is confidence and being comfortable with whom you are~not rocket science is it?
If only people would realise this I would not be so busy counselling~~
Oopsie I think I shot myself in the foot~~ forget that last comment people~~continue to subscribe to the relationship expert’s advice~~
Now to extend business hours to 24/7 for 2 weeks at $$ per hour ~~yep will have enough for sabbatical i.e r&r to Europe
Am I ‘tongue in cheek’?
Wink,wink smiling here lol.
38
Mark
13 April 2013 11:14
Thanks for the tips, eHarmony, but your #1 should be “Don’t mention the Ex”.
No-one wants to hear about a potentially new partner’s ex. No-one. No… it’s a not a “this guy’s masculinity is threatened” or some other rubbish.
It’s just plain bad manners.
Please, ladies, don’t mention the Ex.
As for that poor fellow Cam, I can only say “You really must have been hook, line and sinker in love with her to put up with that sort of rubbish for more than 20 seconds.”
Word of advice, guys: If she EVER mentions that there ‘was chemistry’ or ‘a special attraction’ or ‘magnetism’ or anything at all like that, it means she is NOT over him!
No.
She’s NOT over him. The simple fact that she’s with the company of a new man… but is still thinking enough about her Ex that she feels she needs to say how special she felt when she was with that guy…?
She’s NOT over him.
End it.
Pull the plug.
Be a man. Do what she can’t… because she can’t….
… end it.
39
Chris
25 April 2013 13:40
If the atmosphere is right, just go with the flow one discussion about traffic flows into another, your mind is on one thing, but always divert, appreciate the opportunity of being with the person in front of you. A heap of frustrations up stairs,it seems.