Just like the Internet, fraud tactics evolve over time. There was a time when con artists used cheesy photos of models from magazines, had perfect profiles and basically seemed too good to be true. Unfrotunately their tactics have improved, here is a list of some of the “new and improved” ways con artists are trying to get your attention.

1.       They look like average people

Con artists now use very average photos in their profiles. They may steal Facebook photos or photos from the many blogs and social network pages we all have.  They may even be impersonating someone of the opposite gender.  It is no longer easy to tell if someone is likely a scammer based solely on their photos. While photos are important, don’t put complete stock in them.

2.       They’re more subtle than ever

Someone you’re dating is not likely to ask for your bank account number, but you may end up in a conversation where your date asks what high school you went to, or where you were born, or your first pet’s name. They aren’t going to blurt it out in an odd way. They may talk about themselves and talk about their first dog, and ask, “Did you have a pet when you were a kid?” It’s going to sound natural because, as we said, obvious con artists are out of the game quickly. This kind of information is perfect for logging into banking sites, and if you’ve been emailing back and forth with that person, they have all the information they need to access your accounts.  Be on guard and don’t reveal too many personal details to someone you’re just getting to know.

3.       They’re no longer in a hurry

One of the hallmarks of fraud used to be the big rush – pushing to get to know you really quickly. Today’s con men take their time. They may invest in hundreds of IM’s, emails, and calls. They may see you in person many times. They know that time puts people at ease. Many victims of fraud have cited “all our time together” as the reason they were willing to hand over personal information and money. Don’t let your guard down, no matter how well you think your relationship is progressing.

4.       They ‘get’ social media

“I Googled her and she had a LinkedIn account and a Facebook account, so I thought she was legit.” Yes, con men and women have learnt about social media. They know that people are vetting them in the social spaces and have responded accordingly. If you find that a new romantic interest has a history on these services, it isn’t a guarantee against fraud. Watch out for the warning signs and don’t become complacent just because you found other information online.

5.       They’re excellent Phishermen

“Phishing” is the act of securing private information by appearing to be a trusted source and sending links that download personal information or install a damaging virus. A con artist will send you an email with a link and write, “Watch this video. It’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.” One click of the link and passwords, credit card numbers and other personal data can be removed from your computer. This email can be sent on a site like Facebook, in your personal email, or within eHarmony’s internal email system.   Know what you’re clicking on before you click.

6.       They get you to do the strangest things

It seems hard to believe, but many acts of fraud have been committed because a con artist has persuaded a user to let him/her log into their account. This usually happens after the con man and his victim have been in communication for a considerable period of time, and a certain amount of trust has been established. One of the favourite tactics is to send a message saying, “I want you to see what I wrote in my profile. If you click on this link, it will take you to it, but you may have to log in first.” Sometimes, a con man will simply say, “I’ve been hurt so many times in the past. Can I log into your account and make sure that you’ve turned off your matching?”  Never give your log-in credentials to anyone.  If they exhibit signs of trust issues, perhaps it’s better to pursue a relationship with someone else.
We know these warnings seem scary, but we’ve found that the best way to prevent con artists from succeeding is to keep our users fully informed of their tactics. For all their complex schemes con men are completely dependent upon your cooperation. At some point, you have to give them access, information, or money before they can commit their fraudulent activities.

Follow these three rules to protect yourself from Internet fraud;
1.       A person who asks for money is almost certainly a con artist
2.       A person who asks for access to your online accounts is almost certainly a con artist
3.       A person who asks specific personal questions about where you bank, your address, pet’s names, school names, etc. is almost certainly a con artist

eHarmony is constantly working to prevent any of our users from being scammed. We have an entire team here dedicated to nothing but preventing the fraud that is common on the web.

But, it’s a two-way street.  Should you encounter any suspicious behaviour from one of your matches, send an email to matchconcerns@eharmony.com so we can investigate it, and to scamwatch.gov.au – you may be helping not only yourself, but possibly others too.

Wherever people are gathered together with a shared interest there is a possibility love can blossom. At work we have relationships with people every day and get to know them, not just on a superficial level. We may share goals, hopes and fears have to learn to resolve conflict – these are all skills which can form a solid foundation for a lasting relationship. Unfortunately the image of work-based romance is often marred by the stereotype of the boss and his secretary and it is true that affairs and indiscretions do go on in offices all over the world. Here are some suggestions to help ensure that any work romance you engage in doesn’t leave you feeling like you want to resign.

Are you free?

Before any thoughts of romance enter your head it is essential that both you and the colleague you are interested in are free to pursue a relationship. If you are not then it is almost inevitable that the guilt, deceit and shame of a secret relationship will, over time, make work a very uncomfortable place to be. It may seem exciting sending secret messages or sneaking off for extended lunches but where and how will it end?

If you are having strong feelings for a colleague and you are in a relationship yourself try to turn your attention back to that one and look at what is going wrong. Often a work crush acts like a smoke screen to mask real problems at home. Getting involved with someone at work won’t make your problems at home go away, it will make them worse and more complicated.

If the person you are attracted to is already in a relationship it is best not to tell them how you feel. It can make the situation at work awkward and uncomfortable and what had been a good working relationship between you will probably disintegrate.

What will people say?

This is something that needs careful consideration, particularly if the object of your affection works at a different level in the company i.e. if they are your manager or you are their’s. Think about how a relationship between the two of you will be viewed by the company and if it will jeopardise either of your jobs.

Think about other colleagues too and as far as possible keep your romantic interest away from work. It can be uncomfortable for other people to be around a couple who are openly flirting or making innuendos in a work environment. If you want to talk about what happened on your date or problems in a relationship then do it with friends who don’t work with you. The last thing you want is to be the subject of office gossip so be as discrete as possible and maintain a professional attitude at all times.

Keep it in your own time.

It is better to keep work and personal relationships separate. Don’t use the company email system for sending romantic messages or your expense account to pay for dates and keep physical contact to an absolute minimum while at work.

Declaration of interest

Most work crushes pass if they are not acted upon but if yours doesn’t then arrange to get together away with your colleague from work. Make sure that you stay sober and clear headed when you talk to them about your feelings – a drunken declaration can leave you feeling embarrassed and humiliated. There is a possibility that they won’t feel the same way as you so you need to keep it light and test the water before plunging straight in and saying something that you might regret later.

If it does go well it is still better to not have sex with them straight away. Go on dates and get to know them before moving the relationship onto a physical level. It is much harder to break it off with someone you work with as you have to see them every day. Give yourselves time to find out if a relationship between you is what you both want before it gets physical.

Is it what you really want?

Ask yourself if you are sure you really want to share your whole life with this person? You could be spending eight hours a day at work and then be together again when you get home – do you think you could thrive on this or not?

Unlike jealousy envy is a motivating factor in many people’s lives. It is because they envy someone’s lifestyle, car or career that they have the drive and ambition to work towards having those things for themselves. It is only a negative emotion when envy makes us feel that we are less of a person for not having those things. When it comes to envying other people’s relationships there is a lot to be learnt from noticing who we envy and what it is in particular about their relationship that we would like for ourselves.

What do you see?

When you see couples you envy, what is it that you see? Are you envious of how affectionate they are with each other or is it the sense of solidarity they have? Maybe they appear to be always happy and laughing at some secret joke or so absorbed in each other its like no-one else exists. Maybe it is couples who seem independent of each other but give of a sense of commitment and loyalty without being together all the time? By noticing what you envy in others you will begin to build up a picture of what you want for yourself in a relationship.

What do you have?

Look out for couples you admire and envy. Examine your social circle and the media and try to find at least four or five couples that you think have what you want. It can be useful to write them down in a list, for example, Victoria and David Beckham:

Victoria is glamorous, slim, rich, reserved, dignified etc

David is talented, handsome, loyal, dedicated etc.

Now look at the list and instead of looking for what you don’t have, look for the qualities that you do have, or things that you could cultivate if you tried. If you are constantly envious of women because they are slim it may be because you want to be slimmer but aren’t putting in the necessary effort to achieve it (Victoria doesn’t stay that shape without a lot of hard work!)

We envy what we want for ourselves and while we may not all be able to be international football stars we can all be loyal and dignified.

Be a detective and use your envy to give you clues to the areas of your life that need some attention and also to the abundance of good qualities you already have.

What can you change?            

Envy is a natural human emotion which only becomes negative and destructive when it sets off thought patterns which damage our self-confidence and our belief that we are worthy of love.

When you feel envious take note of what you are thinking and how that thinking makes you feel. Very often we are comparing how we feel on the inside with how others appear on the outside. This gives a distorted picture because often our insides are a big jumble of worries, fears and insecurities while other people seem calm, confident and carefree. The truth is they probably have messy insides too simply because they are human and everyone has problems – even the Beckhams.

You can change how you perceive other people so instead of thinking something like “its all right for them, they have got it made” replace it with something like, “I bet they have had their problems too, I wonder how they cope and stay so happy.” This type of thinking will open your mind and your heart so that every time you feel envy you will practice seeing the whole picture rather than just judging what you see on the surface. This will make you a much better date and a more compassionate person.

What do you dream?

By turning envy around and finding its positive side you will begin to get a clearer idea of what you want for yourself in terms of a relationship. Look at your hopes and dreams, do you believe they are attainable? If not, why not? It is important to have dreams that we feel can be achieved if we are to have the motivation and energy to move forward in life. Sometimes people become stuck and lose sight of their dreams because they have problems which appear insurmountable. In this case it may be worth getting professional help so you can begin to live a life which others may one day envy.

Name:Jenny
Age: 25
Lives: Sydney

Jenny’s story
I’m originally from China but have been raised in Sydney so I call Australia home. I’m a journalist writing for a magazine and in my spare time I write, read, watch films and keep active being outdoors and trying new activities. I’m always taking up new hobbies and trying to learn about the world and what it has to offer – my current hobby is the guitar, all going well so far! I love travelling and am in the process of planning my next holiday. I love socialising and think there is nothing more satisfying than a good conversation with someone.

Jenny’s eHarmony experience
eHarmony has helped me realise there are so many people out there who share the same values and goals in life as I do. I’ve met a lot of interesting people who have the same sense of humour, beliefs in life and outlook on relationships.

When it comes to dating, it’s often hit and miss…with more miss! With eHarmony they filter out most of the miss and send me on fabulous dates with people who I’m actually compatible with on an emotional and intellectual level.

I have always said, eHarmony is like my personal HR recruitment service and sends me the right people. It’s just easy and takes all the guess work and game playing out of the equation.

Meet eHarmony member, Melissa
Meet eHarmony member, Steane

Experience the eHarmony online dating difference. We want to help you find someone you really connect with. It all starts when you complete our Questionnaire, which helps you define what you want, right upfront. We’ll then use everything you’ve told us to find singles uniquely right for you. And because we only match you with people whose goals, values and personality traits most complement you, you can be confident in knowing you’re only meeting people you have the best chance of connecting with someone.

Name:Melissa
Age: 35
Lives: Sydney

Melissa’s story
I love meeting new people and have a genuine interest in what makes people tick. I hate sitting around, being bored so I work full-time, study, exercise, have a personal trainer and love socialising with friends.

Why eHarmony?
Being a busy professional I was attracted to eHarmony and it’s different approach to online dating. Having used other sites, I likes how eHarmony only matches you with compatible people. There is no need to trawl through pages and pages of profiles which I don’t have time for. I’ve loved the eHarmony experience so far and have recommended it to all of my friends.

Meet eHarmony member, Steane
Meet eHarmony member, Jenny

Experience the eHarmony online dating difference. We want to help you find someone you really connect with. It all starts when you complete our Questionnaire, which helps you define what you want, right upfront. We’ll then use everything you’ve told us to find singles uniquely right for you. And because we only match you with people whose goals, values and personality traits most complement you, you can be confident in knowing you’re only meeting people you have the best chance of connecting with someone.

Name:Steane
Age: 30
Lives: Sydney

Steane’s story
Growing up in Tasmania, I have a great love of anything to do with the outdoors. When I’m not IT-ing it up in the Renewal Energy industry, or cruising around on my motorbike, I can be found exercising, bush walking and mountain biking.

Steane’s eHarmony experience
I decided to join eHarmony off the back of a recommendation from a mate; he said it wasn’t like other dating sites. I never thought I’d be an online dating guy but I decided to give it a go. I’ve been pleasantly surprised at the calibre of my matches and can definitely see that we’re compatible. The fact that you can go out on a date with someone, and actually have something to talk about is pretty amazing. I’ve recently met someone who’s interesting and have been on a few dates with her. Watch this space.

Experience the eHarmony online dating difference. We want to help you find someone you really connect with. It all starts when you complete our Questionnaire, which helps you define what you want, right upfront. We’ll then use everything you’ve told us to find singles uniquely right for you. And because we only match you with people whose goals, values and personality traits most complement you, you can be confident in knowing you’re only meeting people you have the best chance of connecting with someone.

Sometimes it’s great to get a second pair of eyes on something. That’s why, every month, we’ll be showcasing one user’s eHarmony profile, asking for your feedback. For our second edition we’re showcasing Bridget’s profile below.

Whether you’re male or female, we’d love your comments. What do you think of the profile as a whole? What do you think works? What do you think could be improved? All comments are gratefully received, but please, nothing rude or overly personal. Bridget’s looking for helpful critique not harsh criticism!

And, if you’re interested in getting involved, you can find out more here:

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The one thing I am most passionate about:
I’m passionate about the environment & Sustainability, about doing things smarter & better so that we don’t stuff things up & preserve our environment. I love travelling to outback & rural Australia. Architecture/buildings, health, personal happiness

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
Honesty. A good hearted successful man who wants a committed relationship with a best friend & lover.

The most influential person in my life has been:
If I had to say just one person …. the Dalai Lama, why … in his own words “My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” & “The purpose of our lives is to be happy.”

The three things which I am most thankful for:
- Health/happiness
- Wise outlook
- Business success

Three of my best life-skills are:
- Creating a peaceful, beautiful home environment
- Volunteering my time to causes I care about
- Keeping physically fit

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
Depth.

The things I can’t live without are:
- Friends/family
- Expanding knowledge
- Health/exercise
- Buildings and architecture
- Food

The first thing people notice about me:
Tell me when we meet …….

Some additional information I want you to know:
That is not my dog … & I am not a Buddhist …. Because I’m passionate about the environment & architecture, I’ve travelled extensively, overseas & in Australia, & have worked as an architect in Melbourne, Sydney, India, Malaysia & Germany.

My interests

I typically spend my leisure time:
Keeping fit, Socialising with friends/family, Reading, Travelling, golf, skiing, bush walking, road trips

The last book I read and enjoyed:
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. A book you can’t put down. Thrilling to the end.

According to my friends:

My friends describe me as:
- Optimistic
- Passionate
- Intelligent
- Spontaneous

Relationships are made up of a series of commitments starting from very small ones like agreeing when and where to meet, and moving on to much bigger, life changing ones, like the decision to get married or have children. In between these two extremes there are many levels of commitment and each stage it requires both partners to want to move forward together. Sometimes this doesn’t happen, the couple aren’t in sync, and it is often the woman who is ready for the next level of commitment while the man is holding back. Here are some of the most common reasons this happens and how best to deal with each situation.

Past experiences

If a man has been hurt in the past he is unlikely to want to be hurt in the same way again – it is human nature to pull away from something that has hurt us. If a man has committed to a relationship before and has been badly hurt he is more likely than a woman to be reluctant to commit again. Women usually talk things through with their friends and, although the level of hurt can be the same, they work through their hurt feelings and often finding things they could have done differently which may have changed the outcome. Talking it through gives them some perspective and allows the hurt to pass.

Men are much more likely to bury the hurt inside and never tell anyone what really happened. Because they work in a much more solution focussed way they may see that the problem was that they committed in the first place and the solution is to never do that again. This often isn’t a conscious decision and the best thing you can do in this situation is to be patient. Don’t push him to talk to you about what happened but trust that he will in his own time. You can usually spot someone who is struggling for this reason because they will often say they want marriage, children etc but when it actually comes to it they hold back in a way that seems fearful rather than stubborn.

Over time, as he comes to trust you and see that you are going to stick around and not hurt him, his trust will be restored and he will be ready to move on.

Enjoying the single life

Sometimes men don’t want to make a commitment because they are enjoying being single too much. If they are recently separated from a long term relationship, or if they have been single for a long time, it may be that they are simply enjoying the freedom to relax and do their own thing – how a man lives on his own is often very different to how they live when they are part of a couple. He may be reluctant to give up his freedom for the duties and responsibilities which he thinks will be expected of him if you live together.

Men like this are quite easy to spot because they often have a domineering mother and a maybe a downtrodden father. They struggle to see a commitment as anything more than giving up their freedom.  The most important thing you can do with a man like this is listen to what they want and reassure them that they will still be able to enjoy their hobbies, see their friends and have freedom even when they are in a committed relationship. Words will have little effect though – the proof will be in your actions. Give him freedom, don’t nag or try to change him and respect the time he wants to spend apart from you – then he will see that you are different and be more willing to commit when the time is right.

Other interests

Quite often men don’t want to commit to one relationship because they are dating a number of different women at the same time. If this is the case it is important that he is upfront with you about it. Don’t think that because you are ready to be exclusive he will be too. If it gets to the point where you think he is never going to settle down to just one person it is probably time to let him go and move onto someone who can give you what you want.

Losing a partner through bereavement is different from any other kind of separation. Unlike divorce or a break-up you and your partner didn’t choose to be separated and you might be left with feelings of anger, depression, remorse and maybe even the belief that you should stay loyal to your partner that died. It is natural for people to want to share their life with someone else and, as time passes and the feelings subside, it is likely that you will eventually consider finding a new partner.

Easy does it

Only you can know when you feel ready to start dating again, there is no magic formula or specific amount of time – everyone is different and grief is a highly individual thing. When you can think of your partner that has died and imagine that they would be happy for you to move on with your life then you have probably reached the level of acceptance needed. Try looking at online profiles, or even writing one yourself, and see how it makes you feel. The most important thing is to take it slowly and stop if you feel you aren’t ready yet – the time will come when you are.

Dealing with guilt

Feeling disloyal to a partner is the main block widowed people face. In truth, if your partner loved you, they wouldn’t want you to be on your own for the rest of your life. Many people struggle to let go of the past because they are full of regret wishing that they had been a better partner in some way or enjoyed the time they had together more. Because they feel so bad about what happened they don’t believe they deserve to be happy again or worry that if they get close to someone else they might lose them too. These are all natural parts of the grief process. Coming to accept that people we love will die helps us to love and appreciate them more when they are here. You can’t go back and change the past but you can use it to live more fully in the future.

Talk about it

The chances are that you aren’t the only person who was affected by the bereavement. When you are considering dating again it is important to think about who else will be affected by your decision and talk to them before you take any action. If you have children who have lost a parent it is especially important that you introduce the idea of you dating again before you actually do anything so that they have time to get used to the idea.  This will give you all a chance to talk about what happened and what you want for your future. Do be considerate of other people’s feelings but don’t allow them to dictate the rest of your life.

No replacement

There is a danger when you start dating again after bereavement that you look for someone to replace what you have lost. No-one will ever be able to fill the place in your heart, or life, that your loved one held, they were unique and your relationship with them will remain treasured. A new partner will bring new challenges, energy and hope into your life. When you are thinking about what is important to you in a partner try to concentrate, not on what you have lost, but on what you want for your future – what do you want to experience? Maybe you would like to travel more or learn to ski for example? Whatever it is, concentrating on the future and what you want from it will help ensure you don’t get to the end of your life wishing you had lived more.

Too soon?

If you start the dating process, maybe subscribing to eHarmony, writing a profile or even going on some dates, and realise that you aren’t quite ready it is ok to stop and give yourself more time. Keep talking to people and maybe consider getting some professional bereavement counselling if you feel as though you are stuck and unable to move forward. Time is a great healer and only you will know when the time is right for you to love again.

There are some couples who seem to break up and get back together all the time, but for a lot of people once a relationship is over they don’t go back to it – the break up was evidence that they were incompatible and they move on without a backwards glance.

There are situations where couples break up but neither of them move on or find new partners and the old relationship is given a second chance. The break up may actually make the relationship stronger but on the other hand reconciliation with someone who hurt you can leave you regretting having made the same mistake twice. If you are considering getting back with an ex here are some things to bear in mind while deciding if it is a good idea.

Good reasons for wanting to get back together:

Change: Often relationships end because of the habits or behaviours of one or both partners. It comes to a point where the other person can’t live with it any more and has given up believing that things will ever change. If the break up of the relationship has acted as a wake up call and they have finally made the change – e.g. quit drinking, gambling or got help with health or emotional problems – then you may be tempted to give it another go with them.

While it is great to give someone a second chance if they are making a serious attempt to change you need to be sure that they are doing it for themselves and not just to win you back.

Reunion: Sometimes couples can’t be together because of circumstances beyond their control. Maybe one of them has to move away or there is family opposition to the match. If the reasons that they couldn’t be together changes, and they find themselves in a position where they can be reunited, then the separation often makes the relationship stronger and more committed because they have experienced what life was like apart.

Closure: If a relationship ends abruptly, or in anger, it can often leave one, or both, parties feeling like it didn’t end properly, or ended too soon. If the decision was made in haste and when feelings have calmed down you both want to give it another shot then it is important that you work through whatever it was that caused the separation in the first place.

Getting back together because neither of you feel the relationship was complete can be the beginning of a new chapter or the important confirmation that you needed that the relationship wasn’t right for you. Either way at least you won’t be left wondering if it could have worked out if you had given it another go.

Bad reasons for wanting them back:

Loneliness: it is all too easy to drift back into a relationship that wasn’t ideal simply because no-one else is around that either of you is interested in. It is unfair on both of you to do this. If you get back with someone who really wants to be with you again then they will most likely be hurt when they realise you are using them. If they don’t really want to be with you, and are just drifting back with you because there is no-one else on the scene, then you may end up feeling used and hurt even if at the time you think it is better than nothing.

It is better to learn to be happy on your own than to be unhappy with someone else.

So no-one else can have them: to get back into a relationship with someone simply because you can’t bear the idea of them being with anyone else is unfair on both of you. The strength of your feelings might feel like love but it is more likely to be jealousy and control that is driving you on and it would be better for you both to let them go and find happiness elsewhere.

Is it a good idea?

Only you can know if it is really a good idea to get back with an ex. The important question to ask yourself is have you really let go of whatever it was that caused you to break up in the first place? If you have then don’t get back together and try to recreate how things were before because they won’t ever be the same. Look forward and create something new and hopefully stronger.