6 January 2011
Sure signs you’re with the wrong person
by eHarmony
Is there a voice inside you that you just can’t keep quiet? Learn how to determine whether your doubts are normal or a sign of something much more serious in your relationship.
Have you got a nagging feeling inside of you that you’re with the wrong person? Does your current relationship fail to measure up to what you had dreamed of? While doubts can creep into even the happiest of relationships, sometimes they can indicate that something just isn’t right. Here are the eight signs that you could be with the wrong person.
1. You don’t feel happy
It may sound obvious, but someone who is dating the right person for them will feel an overriding sense of happiness. Of course, no relationship is entirely blissful and there will always be the odd argument, but if you are finding yourself unhappy much of the time – especially when you’re with your partner – then it’s pretty certain that this person isn’t right for you.
2. You have no self esteem
As well as feeling happy, the right partner should make you feel good about yourself. They won’t wipe away all doubts and insecurities in your life, but when you’re with them your self esteem should be at its best. So, if they trample on your confidence and exacerbate your self-doubts, it’s a sure sign that this relationship is a damaging one. The right person for you should affirm and celebrate the great things about you, not crush your self-worth and stifle your ability to grow.
3. Your friends and family keep telling you something’s not right
If your closest family and friends wax lyrical about your partner and encourage your relationship, it’s a good sign that you belong together. But if they constantly drop hints begging you to end the relationship, you should probably heed their advice. If the people you trust most in the world are urging you to get out of a relationship, they are probably doing so for good reason, and you owe it to yourself to listen to them.
4. You find your mind wandering to someone else
Your doubts may not be due to a character flaw in your partner. If you are seeing one person, but constantly thinking about another, that’s a clear sign that your current relationship isn’t right.
5. You are in denial
Look at your relationship carefully. We have probably all at some stage convinced ourselves something is right when we know deep down it is wrong. Don’t allow yourself to get stuck in this trap. Perhaps you don’t want to believe something negative about your partner or admit that all you ever do is argue. Whatever the real reason, if you are working hard to deny problems within your relationship, it is likely you are with the wrong person.
6. The cons outweigh the pros
Consider all aspects of your relationship and draw up a list of what you like about it and what you don’t. It might be that the good points trump the bad, but if it’s the other way around, let logic be your guide and end the relationship.
7. Your instincts are telling you to get out
You should never stifle the voice in your head – it’s rarely wrong. That voice may be telling you that you have found your soul mate or that a new relationship is worth pursuing. But if it’s whispering (or screaming) that your relationship is wrong, give that voice free reign. It will probably direct you to a conclusion you have already reached.
8. You already know the truth
Perhaps you still haven’t reached a conclusion at all and don’t know whether the person you are seeing is right for you. In that case, it might be best to continue the relationship and explore its full potential before making any further decision. But if you have established that you should not be in a relationship with your partner, be brave and end it now. Find someone who treats you like you need to be treated, boosts your confidence and makes you happy. When you find them, you’ll know deep down that they’re worth holding on to.
1
Alan
26 April 2011 07:11
Articulate article to say the least most rewarding reading for a fellow life traveller to gain even further useful knowledge to aid and abet forward motion, NICE !
2
Fiona
5 May 2011 21:25
I totally agree with this article. I really value feeling great, and if the person you’re with makes you feel worthless then you’ll end up at rock bottom. It makes sense to listen to your feelings over a period of time so you can gauge everything that’s going on. They’re an indicator of how the relationship is going and ultimately where it will be headed. Wise advice!!
3
Kaygee
4 June 2011 01:30
Fantastic article and spot on.
If we have a healthy and respectful relationship with ourself then we will attract a healthy and respectful relationship with another. Always pay attention to your gut instinct, it’s our inner child and he/she is never wrong.
4
V
6 June 2011 15:47
Spot on!
5
Just Be Yourself
26 June 2011 10:20
Great article! When you just be yourself and use how you’re feeling as your guidance system then you’ll always make the right decisions. If it doesn’t feel right, it isn’t.
Cheers
6
Be Loved
12 July 2011 04:15
Such a true statement. All relationship starts beautifully. If you find true love, hang on to it even though it might take ages. One rather be alone then to live with the wrong person for the rest of their lives. Get out before you destroy everything you have – your soul, your wealth and your life. Let’s just wish and hope one find true love and happiness.
7
burnt beyond recognition
25 July 2011 11:20
regardless of all’specialist’ help,it is impossible to know right from wrong in a short space of time & when you do find out & you have kids ,the love for the kids will stop you from doing anything stupid, or shouldn’t do at least until the children have grown up enough to understand.the’i know it’s wrong &i’ll pull the pin one day when i know it will be the right time; usually it is miles to late to even try to correct any problems and you know yourself that you should have done this years ago & maybe you could find someone who actually cares, because that person has probably been burnt as bad as you. To forgive,you can. To forget..Never
8
tina
13 August 2011 01:33
most things depends on how you are feeling at the time, sometimes it takes a long time to realise that you cant live without a person even if you don’t agree with everything about them.no ones perfect love can take many years to blossom into something special, if you keep leaving every time you don’t agree with something then no one would be together, ask those that have been mnarried for 30 years or more and you will know that as men and women we grow in diffrent spurts so you have to hang around to let the other catch up..
9
john
27 August 2011 03:10
this article is right on the money.if u dont feel happy & confident its a good indictation its time to get out.
10
Toni
2 September 2011 01:14
Fabulous advice! Wish I’d read this around 5 years ago! Thanks for these ideas and tips, they are really great. Cheers.
11
Jessica
8 October 2011 12:34
its all true I had it all in my last relationship and I got the courage and ended it was best for the kids.
12
Jack
28 December 2011 14:09
I can’t agree more with this article. I was with my ex-wife for 19 years, the last 15 as man and wife. For the last 10 years of the marriage – and possibly even before that, which is even worse – I knew deep down I was with the wrong person, but stuck at it. Don’t get me wrong: she was and is a remarkable human being and I have great respect and considerable affection for her. But we were totally unsuited, both knew it, and both deceived ourselves and each other. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. Have the emotional courage I have always lacked, and get out. If I’d done so when I should have, we both would have been better off
13
Anthony
8 February 2012 07:55
I totally agree with all of this article if i had done these things a few years ago it may have saved me alot of grief…
14
Kerry
12 February 2012 12:26
Excellent article! The right relationship drives, and enables, us to be the best possible version of ourselves. We become better friends; workers; we eat better; sleep better; and take better care of ourselves. Genuine love always makes things better, never worse.
15
Gabby
17 April 2012 00:18
This article is 100% accurate. I have recently come out of a relationship and not 1 or 2, but all 8 signs were present in our relationship.
Reading the above has really opened my eyes even more and I feel that I definately made the right choice, no matter how hard it is and how much I think I miss him.
I know one day I will find the right person for me who will treat me right and respect me for who I am as a person.
16
MissM
10 May 2012 12:14
or they have bipolar and are intense and manic in their behaviour! EHarmony should really have a mental state assessment piece….. met what i thought a wonderful guy from eharmony – turned out all his intense romantic side was some elevated mood enhanced by his meds and the excited feeling of meeting me – happy for the latter but man how exhausting for the first few months thinking hmm something isnt right but giving it time, giving it a “chance”….not!
Trust your instint people….
17
Hallie Wyant
13 May 2012 09:08
I do and do not agree with this. I got tangled up with a Narcissistic passive aggressive who was never going to even consider my feelings or dare admit he might do anything to cause any issue whatsoever..the whole while pushing every button he could in a very wimpy PA blindsiding way. I feel part of this article should address that its real important to know the other person has your back and understands what intimacy building means and can openly discuss the ‘unhappy’ thoughts and be able to compromise as well. If you just go for someone that makes you feel all bolstered up every second and doesn’t question you at all you will not grow in the relationship. By the same token if the other person can’t even admit they have any flaw at all and blame EVERYTHING on you no matter how small…RUN – they will not seek to grow with you but to use you and run to the next person who makes them feel ‘happy’ all the time..until that person gets used up and they move on again and again and…TRUST YOUR GUTS
18
Donald
17 May 2012 17:56
My comment is not on the article, nor is this a comment on the other comments, this is a comment on the rating of the comments (stars). Toni, John, and V each left comments which solely praised the article in brief terms, such as “Spot on”, “Fabulous Advice”, “Really great” and “Right on the Money”. However, Toni´s comment was given 2 stars, and V and John both were given 5 stars. I find that distinctly odd. It is often that at this point of an oddity I like to recall that when Vladimir Nabokov won an Oscar for the screenplay for the film version of Lolita, it was the version of the script re-written by Stanley Kubrick that was used to shoot the film, not Vladimir Nabokov´s original screenplay, a distinctly odd award also.
19
Johnatan
19 May 2012 13:33
Every healthy relationship is full of ups and downs, arguments and sad moments. Stop making people uncertain about their relationship.
20
Tracey
25 May 2012 10:14
I agree with Tina (13th August) and Johnatan (19 th May) its all to easy to give up on a relationship. The grass isn’t always greener. I have a long distance relationship and it’s sometimes difficult but we stick with it because we have something worth holding on to.
21
Wendy
15 July 2012 10:35
This article confirmed what I had vaguely sensed about a man I’ve loved for a few years. He ticks so many boxes for me and I love the time we spend together but he never praises me or gives me positive reinforcement and this has encouraged self doubt in me. I am a very positive person and can see that this fundamental difference between us is too important to ignore. I do need someone who makes me feel confident and at my best.
22
Jen
12 August 2012 09:58
Excellent advice and I think instinct is the most important and one thing we sometimes ignore
23
John Carey
16 September 2012 01:05
good advice and comments in all the comments however the important thing, just like learning to, and being, a successful flirt, is to read the vibe carefully, consider what’s s happening with some sense of realism, perhaps get a second opinion from a friend and act accordingly. I’m not advocating jumping from one relationship to another as this takes a lot of time and effort, but take a balanced, open minded approach and go from there.
24
Ellie
16 September 2012 15:18
MissM (10May)
Perhaps you should consider the feelings of other people (whether on this site, or walking down the street) who may have medical illnesses – these people are no less worthy than of love those without a medical illness. Would you give someone ‘the flick’ if they had asthma, or diabetes? If you are so discriminatory, it’s no wonder you are still looking for love… I would be wary of entering a relationship with someone who is so intolerant.
25
Shane
15 December 2012 10:22
Good advice, I should have read this article few months back. My ex had admitted her profile still (10 months in a relationship)active and I was gutted, still am. We persisted, finally broke up a month ago. She isn’t content in what we had. So, if it doesn’t feel right we must learn to let go.
26
Kada
13 January 2013 01:51
Quite right. We all agree after having learned that ourselves from bad relationships. Perhaps it should even be taught at school as a subject, as Patch Adams says, teach Love at school, thus before we even get into our first sexual relationship?
27
Chez
20 April 2013 10:02
We choose to meet someone,we choose to remain with them~warts and all.
Therefore who is responsible for allegedly remaining in a relationship that no longer has that buzz??
The other person,the cat, the fish,the kids~~No it is you!!
I become soo tired of those who constantly blame others for their own predicaments and behaviours~if it aint working resolve it or move out.
OH dear I am the victim~~doesn’t work with me~~Oh dear I made a mistake and I am going to learn from it does work for me~~