Relationship Advice

8 March 2011

Three reasons to call it a day

by eHarmony

How do you know if you’re going through a rough patch, or if could be time to end a relationship? The decision has to be decided by you, but here are three reasons why your relationship could be on the train to nowhere.


Independence
While there isn’t an official list of reasons why couples break up, a recent study found that the same three issues continue to pop up. In the study 150 couples* were asked why their relationship ended, and topping the list was the desire for more independence. In fact, 27 per cent of men and 44 per cent of women claimed they felt trapped in their last relationship.

Compatibility
Second on the list was a lack of similarity and common interests. The study participants stated that their views on everything from moral beliefs to hobbies were “too different” from their partners as time went by. The more in touch we feel with our partner, the more willing we are to invest in a relationship with them.

Support
The third most common reason for breaking up is a lack of supportiveness. One female participant said, “He never listens to what I have to say…he’s inconsiderate about my feelings…he cares more about football than he does about me.” As this comment shows, if we don’t feel supported by our partners, the relationship has no strong foundation to stand on.

Making the break
Realising why you might break up with someone is the easy part, but actually ending the relationship can be hard, hence making it tempting to put it off. If you decide to end your relationship, do so sooner rather than later. At least then you have a good chance at staying friends or being able to look back on the good times that you shared together.

*Centre for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University.

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Comments

1

Paul

28 April 2011 23:20

I agree with some aspects of this article but not entirely all, I think your study is off the mark in many ways. I’m 40 with 4 kids I’m a single dad who only just recently had my girlfriend of 2 years a single mum break up with me, based on what I don’t know, apart from her need to have “me time”. My girlfriend Peita came into my life at a very critical time when my ex wife was dieing with cancer and filled the role of support for my kids and stepped into our lives in such a big way it was awesome, but after 2 years reality hit and when it came time to move in together she up and left stating it just wasn’t working for her, my kids were left devastated again. Peita and I had a lot in common and not just gee I like that song , our sex life was awesome, we loved the simple things, I could sit for hours listening to her playing piano, we could talk for hours, we enjoyed art, sitting by the fire just cuddling on the couch, holding her when she was sick (heart problems), cooking for her cleaning her house, just being there etc, absolutely awesome I have never experienced a connection like that before, however like most women today they want the CLEO romance, the guy who is the CEO, on your game 24/7, not a stay at home dad, retired soldier, life to women doesn’t factor in with school work, making lunches, etc, western women have a view today it’s supposed to be champagne and chocolates everyday and when life brings uncertainty then they bail and get a new relationship, or conduct some form of pers development thats says they can do better and leave.

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2

Bella

14 May 2011 07:55

Paul, I think you are being really unfair to say that ‘most women’ today want the 24/7 romance, based on your one experience. I am very sorry that you went through that, it must have been hideous, but not ALL women run from reality or uncertainty in a relationship, or want it to be champagne and chocolates every day. Just as not every man is the same, not all women are the same.

Grieve for what you have lost, then move on – please don’t allow this to make you bitter and fall into the ‘all women want Mr Perfect’ mindset and potentially miss out on a woman who will stick around. Stay open to the beauty of the world, even though it looks pretty ugly right now.

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3

M

1 November 2012 06:39

Paul, although your experience has hurt you deeply, and pain can often lead to bitterness, it’s important that you don’t generalize women. We don’t all want the Cleo romance or any other assumption you’ve made to be able to make sense of why your relationship ended. Relationships end, and what’s ideal for one person isn’t necessarily ideal for the next person in the same relationship. Don’t let your pain stereotype or keep you angry, instead let yourself heal.. You sound like you need to.

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