Relationship Advice

With love’s rose-colored glasses on, it can be difficult to recognise unhealthy behaviour in a relationship.

Next time around, if you aren’t sure if you should listen to that niggling feeling inside, read over this list of five important warning signs.

1. Their ex is still in the picture
Having an ex in the picture isn’t necessarily a deal breaker. For those with children, it’s almost impossible not to have some sort of relationship with an ex. But if your significant other doesn’t have kids but the ex is still lingering, there might be a problem.

Some people keep in contact with their exes and some people don’t. You have little control over whether your significant other does. But if you find yourself in this situation, you need to ask yourself some questions: Why is this person still hanging around? Does this other person fulfill some kind of need?

If your partner is really into you, they shouldn’t need attention from a former flame. Examine your situation carefully and go with your gut instinct. Even if you don’t feel particularly threatened, an ex in the picture is not something to wave off.

2. You catch out their lies
In most cases ‘white lies’ are intended to save someone’s feelings, not cover up shady behavior (like telling your friend who dislikes her new haircut that it looks great). However, little lies such as the whereabouts of your beau or the identity of the mysterious caller should signal warning bells.

These fabrications imply there is something to hide, if not now, someday. Even lies that have seemingly little to do with your relationship should make you suspicious. Honesty really is the pillar of a successful relationship, so expect nothing less.

3. They constantly check others out
Let’s face it. There will always be other people in this world who your partner will find physically attractive. But if your relationship is honest and strong, you can recognise the cute barista behind the counter without dreaming of greener grass.

However, if your mate is ogling every hot pair of legs or muscly physique you pass, something is wrong, and it’s not you. A confident person will expect their lover to treat them as the only one in the room. You can still like the way other people look, but you shouldn’t find it necessary to flirt or engage with them.

 4. You can’t stand their friends
When your partner is spending time with friends that aren’t exactly stimulating or respectful people, you wonder what he or she sees in them. If all your partner’s friends like hitting the bar scene and hooking up, then perhaps it’s time to rethink your choice.

It’s true that everyone has one or two friends that are “special” (read: weird) that you have to tolerate. However, if all of your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s friends drive you nuts and these pals have been around since high school, odds are that the situation will not go away.

5. They have nothing else going on in their lives
A healthy relationship is built from two stable people who have their own lives to live independent from the other. If your mate is sitting by the phone for your next call, or happy loafing around till noon, perhaps they don’t have much else on in their lives.

Most would agree that driven, determined people are the most attractive, and you want to be with someone who is committed to their future. Aspirations will reveal a lot about your new partner, so see if your ambitions match up.

So, how will you know if your current love interest is the right one for you? Trust your instincts and be receptive to the underlying warning signs. Moreover, you must be able to accept your potential partner the way they are, right now. No more time should be needed for maturing or healing – if they are right for you, the timing will be right for them as well.