3 August 2011
Finding Love: getting over your personal prejudices
We all make assumptions. Right or wrong its part of being human. But if you’re truly looking to find love can you afford to close the door on entire groups of people?
Unconscious or conscious, these biases you might have toward a potential date could hinder you from finding a true partner for life. If you’re really ready for a relationship, you need to take a good look at what you want in life, leave the superficial stuff behind, and get over your personal prejudices.
Age tends to be more of a line-in-the-sand prejudice, especially when it comes to online dating or going on a blind date. But when you refuse to even have an email correspondence with someone who is just a few years outside of your predetermined age range you could be leaving out a great catch who’s mature and settled or more adventurous and vibrant than their age suggests. A common prejudice (and one that’s ironic) is when people won’t event date someone their own age. If you consider yourself a great catch why wouldn’t there be someone out there just like you—and born in the same decade?
You might be the type of person who says you’ll only date someone taller or shorter than you, but think of all the great and rather short (Tom Cruise, Mark Walhberg, Reese Witherspoon) and amazing tall (Vince Vaughn, Cameron Diaz, Uma Thurman) people out there, that your criteria would be excluding! You can’t help being attracted to who you’re attracted to, but if you have a great conversation and mental connection with someone that’s outside of your desired height limits, it’s worth taking the chance and giving this person a shot.
Having the same views on money, especially debt and saving for the future, is an important part of a relationship succeeding but if you aren’t willing to budge on how much income someone needs coming into the relationship it may be time to get over your personal prejudices. Obviously, most people want and need a potential partner to be able to make enough money to take care of him or herself just as you should, but when it comes to finding love with someone on a teacher’s salary or a doctor’s salary you may be closing off a great potential match by assuming you could only be happy with someone who makes six-figures. Sure, you might not be dining at a five-star restaurant every night, but a sunset picnic can be just as romantic (and usually even more).
You want to have things in common with your partner, as this tends to drive conversation and act as a building point in a relationship, but there is something to be said about opposites attracting in this area. If you’ve dated high-flying businessmen/women your entire life (with no luck) maybe it’s time to try a date with the cute waiter/waitress. It’s not going to be easy, and it might even be awkward at first, but to find love it’s worth putting a pause on the generalisations about entire groups of people and getting over your personal prejudices, because there’s no harm in trying – and no two people are alike.