6 January 2011
Five tips to enhance your eHarmony experience
by eHarmony
eHarmony is a completely different online dating experience, and it pays to know exactly how to get the most from our service. Read on for five tips that will aid you on the path to love.
1. Be realistic, yet positive
At eHarmony we’re not into outlandish, unfounded promises. We’ll never guarantee you’ll find love – but we can tell you that thousands of couples have met and married through our service over the years. And we can also tell you that every single couple you see in our adverts is real. Some of those couples may have been on lots of dates before finding the right match, and some may have met straight away.
The point is, you have a great chance of meeting someone you really click with on eHarmony. But you need to be open and ready to put yourself out there – and put in some effort too. We’ll present you with your compatible matches, and it’s up to you to do the rest. Ultimately, you should find it an incredibly rewarding experience.
2. Prepare to learn more about yourself
You go into eHarmony full of hope that you will find your match, and yet you’re faced with ignored communications and people you think you’d never like if you met them in person. You may wonder how on earth you were matched with these people, but instead of dismissing your matches, you can see what they say about you.
Think of your matches as a mirror of your personality – this mirror doesn’t always lie. If there seems to be a pattern emerging, perhaps – gasp – it could be down to you, not your matches? Maybe you come across as too eager, or to dismissive; the positive side is that you now have the opportunity to learn about yourself and alter your behaviour.
3. Embrace your ‘flaws’
Chemistry is a funny thing. While we match you with other people on compatibility, giving you the best chance at starting a relationship, there’s no accounting for chemistry. Never assume that because you think you’re too small, or too tall (or whatever other body measurement you may use to judge yourself) that your match will think the same. It could be those things that you think make you feel an outsider that your match will absolutely love about you.
4. Know what your deal breakers are – and what you can compromise on
We all think we know our type and the kind of people we ‘just won’t fancy’. But look back on your previous relationships – we bet there are some in there that started completely out the blue. Love comes from the most unexpected sources, so rather than thinking ‘Oh, he’s a bit short for me’, start communicating, you never know where it might lead.
On the other hand, don’t break your ‘Must Haves, Can’t Stands’ because you really want something to work. If you know you could never marry a smoker, then don’t start going out with them. You probably won’t be able to make them quit, and then you’ll just be unhappy.
5. Give yourself the opportunity to learn
Of course, it’s easy for us to say, ‘Never deviate from your Mush Haves and Can’t Stands’. You’ll probably need to do that simply to test your boundaries – after all, we learn by doing…and making mistakes. But think about eHarmony as a fresh way to look at dating and relationships. As you go on, you’ll learn as much about yourself as you will about what you want from a relationship. And that can be an amazing experience.
If you’re prepared to make mistakes and be honest with yourself – and your matches – then you should gain a lot from your eHarmony membership.
1
Gai Schafer
30 January 2011 21:19
Excellent and written well, must confirm everything that is said. Has taken me years to learn this and you have put it in 5 points. Such a wonderful help. Congratulations!!
ps keep the good advice coming, we can never have enough…..
2
Sally
2 February 2011 11:54
“….you can see what they say about you”
How does this work? I have not used this aspect of the service.
3
eHarmony
2 February 2011 22:29
Hi Sally
Thanks for your comment.
This is not actually a part of the eHarmony servive – I think this sentence has been worded in a way to confuse slightly. What this tip is saying is that you can gain really great insights about yourself from the sort of people you are matched with. For instance, you may look at someone and think ‘why on earth would I be matched with this poerson?’ But instead of dimissing this straight away, you can use it as an opportunity to find out more about yourself. For instance, as the article says…
“Think of your matches as a mirror of your personality – this mirror doesn’t always lie. If there seems to be a pattern emerging, perhaps – gasp – it could be down to you, not your matches? Maybe you come across as too eager, or to dismissive; the positive side is that you now have the opportunity to learn about yourself and alter your behaviour.”
4
Roger
7 February 2011 12:44
Number 5 mush haves? nice to know we are all human,otherwise all good.
5
Julie
9 March 2011 01:57
I’m reluctant to communicate my “can’t stands” because that terminology is so very negative. How about calling them something like “Don’t likes”, or anything else less negative?
6
eHarmony
11 March 2011 01:08
That’s a great point Julie. I’ll be sure to pass on your feedback.
7
leslie
13 December 2011 06:55
my name is leslie.subject-why is it so that eHarmony dating,hobart do not profile photos of clientele.get with it,all other dating services do!
8
smason
14 December 2011 23:20
Hi Leslie
Thanks for your comment – eHarmony match on compatibility and you are able to see photos of your matches once you subscribe to our service.
Best wishes
The eHarmony team
9
Liam
20 May 2012 01:03
The article talks about the game and putting yourself out there, but this is easier said than done for those of us who struggle at the first hurdle!
I find the hardest part of the whole process is the initial contact. No doubt there are many people on eHarmony (and might even be here BECAUSE of this) who may not quite have the courage or self-confidence to make the first move, or perhaps they just plain expect their matches to do it (I’m sure that to one degree or another the age-old gender stereotype of men making the first move is present here :p).
Also, as mentioned in the article, a lot of people form preconceptions about matches before even making contact, particularly if one believes the match is, for lack of a better term, “out of their league”. Sure, there’s an argument there that learning to overcome this fear of rejection (or being ignored) is a good thing. But at the same time, an online dating service has the capacity to make this part of the process so much easier for those of us who find it difficult to get the ball rolling.
One of the features I’ve seen on other services, that I lament daily is not present on eHarmony, would work like this: You can indicate on a person’s profile if you are interested in them or not. If you are not interested, they can be archived automatically (note I said archived, not closed). However, if you ARE interested, the system stores this but DOESN’T notify the match. Then if, in their course of time, the match ALSO indicates they are interested in your profile, you are both notified.
I very much like this idea. It seems to be a natural conclusion to the ‘automated’ part of the compatibility process; “Is this a person the user wants start talking to.”, the final step in using a systematic process of introducing two people, by going the extra mile to a point where eHarmony can say:
“Not only have we matched you on a compatibility level, but we also know for a fact that you both want to communicate with one another. Off you go!”
It doesn’t stop anyone from just going for it and sending an Icebreaker, but it provides an alternative that doesn’t require any risk to the self-esteem, and potentially could start conversations between matches who otherwise may not ever communicate because of false preconceptions!
Anyway, it’s just a thought.
10
Shana
29 May 2012 19:15
One of the biggest problems is the lack of communication and the ability to just ask a simple question rather than one which is preset and which is nothing like what you would normally ask. Sending silly icebreakers doesn’t enhance the communication process. It seems that all it does is erode confidence when it goes into cyberspace and there is no response. Liam’s comments are very valid.. Why can’t we be advised the other party is not interested .. If they archive us how will we know? No point reviewing someone a second time if they are clearly disinterested.
11
Kylie
10 June 2012 13:37
Some great comments here… I think Shana and Liam have some good points.
I am having trouble with this site as it’s pretty demoralising… I don’t get any responses from ice-breakers and few people even view my profile.
I don’t think my preferences are too tight, but age is important to me as my ex-husband was 15 years my senior and it just didn’t work for me.
I wonder what I am doing so wrong… I wonder if anyone can advise me?
12
Carol
18 June 2012 00:34
I agree Shana, Liam and Kylie. It’s a decent financial commitment and all we receive is “today’s matches”. If there were filters for compatibility AND attraction (or a way of flagging matches we “like”) the service is actually providing us with more likely partners.
13
Jack
26 June 2012 15:24
Ugh… where do I begin?
I am ready to settle down, find a partner. I’m not rushing anything, I’m not expecting eHarmony to find my wife. I’m naturally a shy person, and I can’t go up to a woman in the street and say hi. I’m also a naturally private person, so it kinda works against me.
It seems that online communication is the only way to get to know somebody nowadays, without the need for alcohol. I’ve used eHarmony for a couple of months and been on one date which was great. I did everything by the book, I was myself, I didn’t seem too forward or too distant, and she apprieciated it. We went on a few more dates but decided that we weren’t right for each other, as we were like brother and sister.
My beef is, is that I wish women I contact would give me a chance. I’m not a recluse, I don’t stay up until 4AM surfing the net, I work, I’m a respectable guy. I have like 350+ matches, and if I’m led to believe this right, each of these women have the potential to be compatible with me. I have a very broad match system true, but I only contact the profiles that I know click with me. Sometimes I get an icebreaker back. Twice it’s gotten to eHarmony mail. But for some reason, they never ever continue contact with me. It’s annoying, aggravating, and I’m spending my hard earned dollars for this.
I just wished that, when viewing a profile, there was an option to continue contact or close it. Like mandatory. That way I know where I stand. I would try my very hardest to make my partner happy, cook dinners, keep the place clean, do random things eveyday! But I don’t get the chance, and yet eHarmony is telling me you’re rolling in all the matches! Look how compatible you are!
That’s like a kick in the teeth to me. Telling me ‘Yeah you’re amazing, see how all these women don’t even care though?’
I dunno, think I just needed to vent.
14
Wendy
31 July 2012 23:16
It’s good to know that I am not the only one frustrated with this service, and I agree with many of the comments of Shana, Liam, Kylie and Jack. What I find most demoralising is that I may have sent an icebreaker or “Guided Communication” request to receive an email from eHarmony advising that the match has accepted my request for communication, but when I go in to send an email I discover the match has already “closed” me! This happened with 3 in a few days, and with all the match was closed on the day I first initiated contact. So why the congratulatory email?! I am very confused.
15
Dan
26 October 2012 11:21
Hay guys I know how you feel, I have not payed any money to the service as yet and I am hesitaint to do so for the resons that all of you have mentioned, I dont even know if I can even send any communication to anyone unless I let go of my hard earned money as far as I can see Eharmony is exactly like every other dating service “Money Money Money they do not care about us ‘Wake Up’.
16
Elaine
24 February 2013 08:33
What I find very frustrating is that my matches are too far away geographically to be interested Nobody over the age of 65 would want to be travelling 2-2.1/2hrs to meet someone,let alone continue dating. Please match me with those who live in my city.
17
eHarmony
25 February 2013 11:03
Hi Elaine,
Thanks for your question. If you log into your eHarmony account and go to ‘My Settings’ you can change your distance settings. You can choose a radius from 30km upwards, or even a specific state, territory or country. If you’d like any help with this please call our Customer Care team on 1800 707 894.
Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice
18
karen
28 February 2013 01:09
I also am frustrated with this site. Closed matches is all I recieve! Money going nowhere, Methinks its a rip off.
19
Fran Creffield
28 February 2013 10:25
Hi Karen,
We’re sorry you’re not having the eHarmony experience you were expecting. Can you please call our Customer Care team on 1800 707 894 who will be able to talk you through the issues you’re having? There are lots of ways to get more communication, by making simple tweaks to your settings and profile.
Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice
20
John Allason
21 March 2013 20:51
I have written about costs….. I have had no reply. I was hoping there was an “Introductory” month or two trial period to see if it works for me. I get all these eharmony emails, and when I try to answer them, they go nowhere…. because I haven’t cough up MONEY… So the “FREE” bit is a bit deceptive to me. Besides, I am here i Tasmania with a small population and I would not be surprised that many of the people on eharmony I have already met on other sites operating here.
If no month or two trial ( paid for of course) then I will have to give eharmony a miss. I await your contact.
Now I just got a notice saying “You post comments to quickly…. slow down.” What is that all about? I have not changed by typing speed. I am SO confused.
21
eHarmony
22 March 2013 13:45
Hi John,
We actually have a Free Communication Weekend next week from the 29th March – 1st April. You’ll be able to communicate with your matches for free using Icebreakers and Guided Communication. If you do reach the end of Guided Communication with any of your matches, you’ll be able to email each other too.
Please let us know if you have any more questions.
Best wishes,
Emily
eHarmony Advice