Relationship Advice

11 February 2011

Five photos that make you look undateable

by eHarmony

Let’s be honest. How you look in your photos does matter. But not in the way you think. You don’t have to be the best looking person on the site to meet people; you just have to represent yourself well.


More often than not, your looks aren’t the deciding factor in whether someone will be interested in you. What matters is what you are doing in your picture; in other words, how you present yourself to the world. After all, deciphering online profiles isn’t exactly easy.

Check out the list below for examples of photos to steer clear of…

Photo 1: You’re at a bar drinking with friends
In an effort to look fun and popular, people post photos of themselves drinking at a bar with their friends. But in actual fact, these photos can make you come across as a party animal.

The photo may have been taken on the one night you go out all year, but people on the other side of cyberspace don’t know that. They see that you like drinking with your friends and presume you do it often. If that’s the persona you’d like to reflect, that’s ok. But if not, be warned.

Photo 2: You’ve cut out your ex
Cutting your ex out of a photo and posting it online is a not a good idea, even if it’s a nice photo of you. Every time you see your profile, you’re going to think of your ex and others might think you’re still not over them.

In the age of digital photography, there’s no reason why you can’t take another photo that’s just as good, or better. If you absolutely must crop your ex out of a photo, cut them completely out of the picture. Don’t leave a big square in the middle where a face used to be, or an arm draped over your shoulder with nothing attached to it.

Photo 3: You’re standing next to a celebrity
This photo phenomenon is a little less common than the others, but it does happen. If you do have a picture of yourself with a celebrity, don’t post it. It won’t make you look more important or alluring. You’ll just look like a person standing next to a celebrity.

Photo 4: You’re dressed as a superhero
You may have dressed up as Catwoman or Superman on one occasion at your cousin’s 30th, but people perusing your profile might think parading around in costumes is a hobby, or you’re trying to – excuse the pun—disguise who you are.

Any person who’s worth your time will delight in your quirkiness, but when you’re putting yourself out there, it’s best to save the fun photos for later.

Photo 5: You’re posing with something expensive
If you post a photo posing next to your new BMW or standing in a way that shows off your Channel bag, you’ll come across as superficial. When it comes down to it, no one wants to be with someone who cares more about material possession than people.

There is an exception, however: if your hobbies include building cars or collecting expensive toys, it’s okay to include them. Just make sure you’re trying to represent you and not your bank balance.

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Rating: 7.6/10 (119 votes cast)
Five photos that make you look undateable, 7.6 out of 10 based on 119 ratings

Comments

1

Laurie Dacy

5 March 2011 00:28

Another one is holding up the adorable dog or cat. If your pet is that important to you, how can your potential lover expect to compete?

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2

Sarah

8 March 2011 20:54

Another is the Male surrounded by Female friends. Are you there special friend and haven’t come out of the closet yet or so blind you never picked up the obviously subtle signs they were interested in you?

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3

Katy

11 March 2011 23:10

I’d like to add the photos where the person isn’t smiling, or photos taken with a webcam, presumably at the moment the person was signing up. Thanks for the effort, buddy! Abs finally, no photo at all. What are you trying to hide?

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4

Ainsley

14 March 2011 20:33

- Photos of yourself with sunglasses on
- Photos where we can’t really see your face ie. a little dot standing under the Eiffel Tower.
- Photos of you with other people, which one are you anyway? Oh yeah, and your friend’s pretty hot….

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5

Bea

15 March 2011 00:02

Another one is photos taken surrounded by scantily clad women – ie, Summernats or skanks from the V8 races! It’s the biggest turnoff as it makes you look like a huge sleeze who doesn’t respect women.

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6

Tans

17 March 2011 11:23

Much like one above, women who have a photo arm in arm with a guy. I see it fairly often and think ‘why do you have a male friend that’s so close to you that it merits inclusion for dating profile.’

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7

Sally

19 March 2011 20:37

Another one is children in photos. Ok is shows youre a family person,but it’s not appropriate to include them

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8

Ian

20 March 2011 05:07

For me anotehr turn off is when women have another man in their pics. Also when there are multiple people in the pic and you don’t know who the featured person is

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9

Peter

20 March 2011 05:09

Photos taken when the subject, by which I mean the eHarmony member, is with their children, babies etc. I mean, totally naff… There’s a field on the profile stating whether or not one has kids; Posting photos with your kids suggests the member is looking for a surrogate father or mother. Not everyone wants that! Sheesh…

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10

LJaaster

27 March 2011 12:06

Men in swim trousers or with a naked chest!!! Complete turn-off. We women fear in such a case that we have an exhibitionist on our hands. Please leave a bit of mystery. We will let you know when we feel the need to discover what is under your shirt. Most probably it won’t be on the first date.

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11

Johnny

28 March 2011 09:07

What about 5 year old pictures????
It would be good if the picture caption specifies it was taken 5 years ago.

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12

Louis

28 March 2011 10:10

Photo’s with girls pouting should not be allowed. Just shows how unintelligent and immature you are… No one cares if you can make a ‘duck face’…

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13

jayne

6 April 2011 10:08

When the man has no shirt on or is in a spa or bath, I mean you really need to have a great body and even then its not sending a great message

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14

Sue

13 April 2011 10:05

Im thinking its all been covered very well,yet I have to add the professionally taken pics, not sure how many women do use them yet men, o dear, please noooo. The poses and the smooth facial expression…narrr

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15

Bern

21 April 2011 17:41

Taking pics at your daughters wedding and having her in the shot is not ok. Surely you can get a shot of yourself on your own. You have to protect your family

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16

Paul

28 April 2011 23:42

I rest my case, most people today want the high flying CEO type with no baggage i.e. kids, can never have a past, or indeed friends who may be supporting them at that time, people want the farce, the CLEO mag romance, which is great if your 23 just out of UNI and never been kissed properly, but when life brings some uncertainty most cut and run, imagine you meet a guy or girl who you think your set with, they are the one I’m so happy, get married have a child , then he or she decides it’s not for me and leaves, then what, your still human, with love and the need for significance in your life, but wait there is a child now, how do I present myself, do I lie about having a child, do I betray my own son /daughter, do I tell them, am I a bad parent for having another crack at a relationship, all these things race through ones head, as single mums and dads, do most men and women just look at them as the easy lay, single mum and desperate so to speak, what happened to commitment, loyalty, real love, not the Brad pit Angelina B/S we have all come to expect now days, I mean if most had a billion in the bank and could buy whoever they want, take business trips to get it on the side, sure anyone would stick around no matter what life dealt, but in reality most people just crave the basic needs of love and significance. Take a step forward people there are some fantastic people out there, the rewards are great.

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17

Simon

5 May 2011 23:05

good comments Paul.

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18

Judy Sampson

30 May 2011 12:10

Photo with you leaning against a “flash” car, with a teeshirt showing a girl sucking on a coke bottle straw where the bottom of the bottle is very close to your waist – YUK!

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19

Karen

4 June 2011 04:16

Not impressed with photos showing a guys latest mid-life toy – motorbikes, cars, boats.

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20

Ruth

4 June 2011 11:44

Re: Photos with your kids. It can be difficult to find a photo of myself without one of my kids in it. They’re the reason I am in any photos – is that so unusual? I don’t even own a camera. Some of those writing above insinuate this kind of photo sends the message that a single parent is looking for a surrogate other parent, however, in my case this is far from the truth. My children have a father and don’t need another. I, on the other hand, would dearly like to express myself with another decent human being during my private time away from my kids. Look past appearances. Most of us openly acknowledge and welcome the fact that we are parents. Now let’s get on with it.
And Paul, I liked your comment above.

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21

Tara

4 June 2011 12:46

I’m always suss about photo’s of yourself taken in the mirror, or in your car or down the side of your house where you can see the hot water service. Really who are you hiding from? Your wife?

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22

Sandra

13 July 2011 01:48

I think if a guy (or gal for that matter) has one chance and one chance only to present themselves in a good light they should a) NOT use a webcam b) NOT take a pic of themselves in a mirror in these days of modern technology…don’t they have friends? and c) never never take a pic in an area of your house where you have clutter in the back of the pic or beer cans or wine bottles everywhere. Sends a BAD message.

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23

Mandy

4 August 2011 12:47

Paul, I wish for the world sake for more people like you. What a beautiful place we would live in. Your comments gave me hope. Thank you

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24

tina

13 August 2011 01:24

Ha great yes I do wonder about those people that take sneaky shots, who are you hiding from anyway, should be compulsory for people to admit they are still married or in a second relationship and looking for some more,

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25

Josey

31 August 2011 11:51

I love the ones where the guy is posing with a samurai sword or something – bare chested of course. Not kidding they’re around. Total turn off. What are they doing? Auditioning for the Kung Fu Panda celebrity event? Might as well include one holding the chainsaw…or better yet us, the woman, holding a toilet brush & smiling – has the same effect. And as for the photo of the over 40s man in budgie smugglers (speedos) I mean COME ON. Seriously sleazy – you’re not Hugh Hefner and even “The Hoff” from memory never subjected us to too small Lycra undies. As for the girls, OMFG lay off the boob shots – gives us ALL a bad feeling if we are on the same dating site really trying to meet someone, form a relationship that’s not based what size bra we wear:)

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26

Paula

3 September 2011 23:56

The dreaded couch potato shot,obviously watching the latest two and a half men with a tinny in the background on a well worn couch, also watch whats in the room, ie ashtray full on the table,papers all over the place, gives a great first impression of what your interests are. And i agree NEVER EVER in a pair of budgie smuggler speedos, unless you are truly some Calvien Clein underwear model then hmmm might be forgiven

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27

+si

4 September 2011 11:49

Well,ivejust read all these articles.so what counts as a great shot?are we all that ..superficial.sounds like we are all too far up our own back sides to see what is real and what is not

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28

Adam

15 September 2011 03:37

So in our photos we cant have pets, children, friends and family, material possessions, celebrities, tourist icons, ourselves drinking or wearing revealing clothes..
what does that leave us with… standing awkwardly alone in an empty field

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29

Julie West

22 September 2011 20:53

Everybody’s different so what is a turn off in pics for some is a turn on for others. Hey isn’t that what dating sites are specifically for, to find the matching personalities, and anyway we don’t just post one pic normally.
Vive la difference!

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30

Kate

8 October 2011 00:48

I am so bored of seeing men doing ‘man activities’ usually shirtless.
I just want to see someones face and their smile…. see if their eyes light up!
I dont mind if the photo crops out others – if one feels it is a good representation of themselves looking and feeling good.

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31

Chrissie

27 October 2011 21:05

I have always hated seeing men with their shirts off. Fine if they are toned but generally bad taste. Sort of tells me he wants to get naked (am I really that old fashioned??).
Another is their bike. Sorry guys but I’m not dating your bike. I couldn’t care less about your bike or….. I like your bike – do I have to have you too or can I just date the bike?

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32

Liss

31 October 2011 12:43

Ok so we’ve covered the guy (or maybe girl) cuddled up to a member of the opposite sex in their photo – not inspiring confidence that your really going to be committed to me.

I don’t mind if people include picture of themselves with their kids just make sure you mention your child in your profile. Otherwise I’m just left wondering who is that child? Your neice? Your neighbours 2 year old that you borrowed so that you look great with kids? Nope not impressed just confused.

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33

Kath

9 November 2011 11:19

I have a few pet hates with pics that most of you have already mentioned, but I also cannot stand the pics taken in front of a mirror with a mobile phone. Generally they are not close up or the phone ends up blocking the person’s face so you cannot see them properly. May as well not have a pic at all.

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34

AA

16 December 2011 10:42

Ha ha ha ha! All very valid comments….. good to see we can all have a bit of humour on this site and not take ourselves too seriously!

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35

Jack

28 December 2011 14:02

A comment for Tina; it is compulsory to be single on this site. I’ve been separated from my wife since 2002 but not yet divorced (haven’t got around to it, which I know is weak, but we’re still good friends) and don’t live with her, so eHarmony won’t match me with anybody. This is neither for nor against that policy or the site; just to clarify. On photos, I’m no Brad Pitt, but I look pretty decent most of the time in real life. However, out of every 1000 photos taken of me, about 2 actually represent what I really look like. What chance do I have?

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36

Miss K

30 December 2011 01:20

I have to admit, if a profile doesn’t have a photograph, I don’t even bother reading it. Sure it can be scary putting yourself ‘out there’ but I always feel no photo = something to hide.

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37

Wayne

7 January 2012 09:46

When looking through some of my matches the other day, one of them had photos of her with friends, which I’m not particularly keen on either as it’s the match that I’m interested in and not her friends (what do the friends think about having their face on a dating site when they’re not looking for anyone?). Worse than this was that I recognised one of her friends in the photo as someone that I went to school with (also went to school with her husband). I still know her well enough to stop and have a chat in the street if I saw her. I probably would still contact the match if I felt that we were be compatible, but there could be the risk of another person interfering in the initial stages of communication if she knew it was me that her friend was communicating with. I would be interested to see what others think about this. By the way, I’m single with no children, but I too agree with Paul.

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38

Donna

19 January 2012 03:52

Miss K, i certainly agree with you about no photo is a turn off! However if you have just signed in and then and there haven’t got around to putting a photo in then document this in your profile, myself i didn’t put one in for a few days and had 3 people close me because of no photo.

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39

Danni

25 January 2012 02:26

The parents with kids thing. Yes…please state is that you child or??? Very important. I was married to someone with a child from previous relationship. And no its not a reflection on the potential match, but to the person without the kids….IT IS MASSIVELY HARD. You don’t just marry him but his child (who will always come before you) and of course…their ex as well. Don’t think they won’t be around.So its a pity for me you have kids but its not personal, just not always a fair thing to put on another person.

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40

Mike

28 January 2012 16:55

I have to agree with some posts and disagree with others.

I’d like to address the web-cam shots. I know that it’s hard to take a self-portrait shot. Web-cams are sooo easy though. It just needs some planning is all.
Things to consider:
1: Background – very neat and tidy or a blank wall/curtails/blinds with no light source behind them.
2: Get yourself will lit – web cams are usually cheap and cheerful and need a modest to high amount of light on their subject.
3: Focus focus focus – whilst looking at yourself on your computer’s screen, move the camera or whole laptop back and forth to get the best focus. DO NOT ZOOM IN.
4: Take more than one photo and do it whilst looking at the lens, not at your screen ;) .
5: Go through the shots taken, pick the sharpest and best looking. Then crop the extraneous stuff away (try using picasa – free!).

Hope this helps. Web-cams are cool if used properly. We want to see YOU.. not anyone else.

Cheers.

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41

Caroline

31 January 2012 04:25

I get very turned off when I see a do it yourself photo in the bathroom mirror … next!!

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42

Michelle

17 April 2012 01:45

I think it’s hilarious to read what some people have had to say in relation to giving advice about what kind of photos to post. Gees, I’m glad I have read this before posting more than one photo cause I would have unintentionally broken some rules!! I certainly wouldn’t have been posting a photo with other people for any other reason than the only full length shot I had was with another person, and I wouldn’t be able to cut them out cause it might be my ex, but I couldn’t leave a guy in even if it be my brother, and if it were a girl it’s just as complicated cause someone may be thinking she’s “hotter” than me…. So if after all that I think it may be worth my while to do a web cam shot, I may then discover that people don’t like this either, sheesh it’s very hard to not make a mistake and get it “perfect”….. but I have to say, as far as the really bad photos people take with their beer and ashtrays and mess and so on, “Do you really want to teach them how to hide all this, by telling them how to take a better photo??? If they are really that clueless, and that’s who they really are and how they really live,wouldn’t you be relieved to find out straight away and save yourself the time!!?” Men, if you really don’t have a clue, don’t try to deceive me into thinking that you do! Cause quite frankly, it’s the smooth “no all the right things to say and do” talkers that I secretly fear meeting, cause I don’t have the time or energy for someone who wants to take me for a ride. Next please :)

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43

michael

17 April 2012 05:08

yes most coments here are right genuine people just want to see the real person who they are really and trully just be honest about yourself and as they say the rest is history

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44

jort

19 April 2012 03:28

women with massive cleavage shots or wearing next to nothing. im trying to date not look at porn. makes me think your a slut.

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45

Annie

19 April 2012 08:24

GO Michelle. ditto ditto ditto. Life isn’t meant to be such a struggle- whack a photo on – all this coaching leads to ‘staging’ & leaves less room to just go with your intuition through ‘reading’ a photo. If someone wants to put their party animal photo up and supposedly they’re not a so-called party animal it still tells me they lack a feeling of how to communicate the real them. Having said that I tend to look at the whole picture and what & how they write in conjunction with choice of photos tells a lot.

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46

Dagmar Tarasov

22 April 2012 02:28

some people are a little self conscious and don’t take a good photo. What realy matters is how the person represents/acts themselves in face to face situation.

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47

danin

22 April 2012 18:05

After reading Pauls comments that though were not related to photos, had me interested in him as a prospective dating partner…lol Paul you sound perfect and I wish you success in finding that significant other who will verify your life journey and help you feel special and necessary to that one person who has to be out there for you.

As for photos. I dislike all of the above but most ofall, I am female, i don’t care about your fish. or your car, motorbike, dead carcass. Men that have fish photos drive me crazy, if you are hooked on fishing when will you have time for me?

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48

danin

22 April 2012 18:11

sorry one last opinion.
I had a photo and I thought I was crazy that men were staring at me, as I am in a very public career. Then one man came up and asked if I was on Eharmony. and then it clicked. I said no to his date suggestion as he saw my photo and profile and wasn’t interested seeing me inperson just meant he was only interested in the physical me.

SO I have a private photo which I am happy to show but remember some of us live or work in areas where we get noticed. And having a teacher of my child know me from Eharmony is a bit embarrassing as I am a private person.

Don’t skip people with private photos. We aren’t all freaks. Just cautious and prudent. photos are not the be all and end all.

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49

Kylie

2 May 2012 06:14

I only joined two weeks ago and have already seen some strange pics, which make me question what some guys are thinking. Such as:

- posing next to a Ferrari
- posing cheek to cheek with women, but providing no explanation about who it is. If it’s your sister or best friend that’s great, it’s nice to know you can relate to women, but just say so. Otherwise I’ll assume it’s your ex.
- posting that you can’t really be seen in, such as being underwater with a scuba mask on.
- posting photos that NO ONE is in. Perhaps when we’re dating it would be nice for you to show me your holiday snaps, but let’s wait until then.
- having the VB logo in every one of your 6 photos (seriously. holding a can, wearing a tshirt, wearing a cap, having a large poster in the background. I can only hope it was planted advertising).
- only showing photos of you fishing/holding your catches. I will assume fishing consumes your life and I’ll never see you.
- making rock & roll and/or ghetto hand gestures in every photo, even at weddings. Looks a bit juvenile.

Most of these things wouldn’t be a big deal if it was just one photo among several, but if all or most of your photos have the same theme it just looks like that’s the theme of your life.

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50

Michael

17 May 2012 01:20

Reply to Pauls Comment on 28th April 2011.
How true Paul. I liked your comments

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51

Johnatan

19 May 2012 13:38

According to the comments no photo is good enough!

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52

Andrew

26 May 2012 07:48

I guess the trick is to find a ‘natural’ shot where you have a smile on your face. I’ve seen (some) ladies here who are sucking their cheeks in so hard that I fear their head may actually implode (did someone above call it DuckFace ?) BUT, the majority seem to be fairly natural. I’d definitely agree that the pic where the man with his arm around your shoulder has been cropped out (and not very well either) is possibly not what a potential date wants to see. Doesn’t phase me at all (I just say ‘next’)but I can see where some folks may draw conclusions.

Just be yourself in your pics and try to appear as though you’re happy. If you actually are, all the better :)

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53

Jeanna

27 May 2012 22:20

I think it would be interesting for people that post comments to voluntarily list their age – I bet we’d see a big difference in preferences between the generations, and surprising similarities too! I’m 55, and I love seeing pictures of men my age with their children, grandchildren or siblings. I’m hoping to meet a man that loves his family like I love mine! (Like many of you I worry that it may be risky to post pictures of young children, but I guess I need to trust eHarmony to weed out the pervs.) But why do men feel the need to pose with their cars, bikes, boats etc.? It does make me feel like those toys would take top priority in his life. We’re all different, I guess that’s what makes this process interesting :) If it’t meant to be it will be!

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54

Lucy

5 June 2012 12:08

Some interesting comments… I agree with most of them. Whilst I am new to this, I have noticed at 47 the only men that seem to want to date me are 60 to 70 year olds. Any man my age seems to want a 20 to 30 year old. Are all men on these dating sites so shallow? I’m not unattractive, overweight or unintelligent. Good luck to you all in finding your soulmate. I think I will ditch the internet and entice sweet serendipity ;-) x

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55

Adrian

10 June 2012 15:09

What I find funny is the fact that ladies who are a little on the larger side, tend to take photos of their shoulders and head on a slight downward/upward angle and you never see anything else. C’mon seriously admit who and what you are, you do realize that you will have to eventually meet this person in the flesh at some stage. Quit wasting people’s time, if they are not happy with how you look then do you really want to be with that person… really? To me that shows deception which isn’t a good trait in my books. And one other photo that annoys me is the one taken 5-10yrs ago when you were in your party prime and then when you meet this person you walk right by her because you are looking for the younger lady in the photo! Once again it shows deception… not a good start to a trusting relationship don’t you think?

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Michael

12 June 2012 14:33

Wow. A lot of comments here about what women don’t like in a photo. It seems that guys like to post photos that reflect their personality but it also seems that these same photos are doing more harm than good. I guess I’ll be deleting any photos that indicate I have any intrests that could be interpreted as competition to total and utter devotion. Some nice, simple portrait shots should do the trick. Any chance the ladies out there could post something about photos that do catch your attention? I’d love some feedback.

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kristen

13 June 2012 12:54

I am in the process of joining this site and have been reading the posts regarding what people like and dislike in photos. Firstly I’d like to say, Paul, you seem to be the only person other than myself who has the same perception to the ‘no baggage’ comment. I find this comment in peoples’ profiles intimidating. Other than maybe finding someone who is between the age of 18-20, everyone past that has possibly got some kind of ‘baggage’ they have dealt with or dealing with. It’s called life.

With the pics, we all have pics that are not our thing, me included, but I can’t believe the insults that are being said about some of them. Think about it. You are trying to change a person from being who they are and you don’t even know them yet. If you don’t like seeing other people, or bare chests, or pouting lips, cars, fishing, what ever it may be, don’t tell them not to include these, for this is the personality of the person. Would you rather a nasty surprise once you get to meet them. Me personally, I love cars, I enjoy fishing and if these guys take that part of them out of the picture to please the ones who don’t like it, then I might be missing out on finding someone who is better suited for me.

Michael, my feedback for you….I don’t know what type of photos you have but what would you rather….finding someone with similar interests to you or someone who will begrudge you later because of your interests and the time you spend away from her doing them?? And all because you couldn’t show them in your pics.

If something in someone’s profile or pic is not to your liking, just move onto the next one!!

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Kathy

22 June 2012 06:50

Sharing my opinion:
*I like to see a closeup shot so I can see your face and read your eyes.The professional/posed one is fine but ONE of these is all you need.
*A bonus ADDITION is photos of you participating in your interests whether that be you fishing, your motorbike or you standing on your head! It shows me a bit of what your life is like.
*If your interests are your own or others’ children, your pet, your opposite gender best friend or your sister, that’s fine too –Just Please note who it is becasue that information helps me get to know YOU.That afterall is the point of the profile.
*my peeves: repeated photos of the same photo and nothing else OR when I’ve requested a photo of you and I get a clip of someone’s (yours??) pet.
FYI I know the dog didn’t do the profile.Did you intend to insult me?

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Adrian

12 July 2012 00:27

What an absolute load of crap…

Is everyone on here so cynical and jaded, that they automatically think that because someone likes fishing, that they are consumed with it, and have no time for their partner???…everyone is so ready to jump to the negative conclusion…

Since when are kids baggage?…I love my kids to death, and would never refer to them as baggage…

Who cares if someone else in the photo has been cropped out…once again, cynical and jaded to automatically think it is an ex, and you’re not over them…

Having said that, i do agree about the group photos (how the hell are you supposed to tell which one you are) and the pics of you in the far background…

I’ve been hurt, and I’ve been lied to on on dating sites, as well as in real life…but every person I meet is a completely clean slate…what right do i have to automatically think that they are lying to me???

So how about everyone just take the photo for what it is, and accept the person for who they are…

Don’t go jumping to conclusions, just because someone has a photo up of themselves fishing, or you can see some cleavage, or it has their kids in it…

Too many rules…

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Barry

15 July 2012 10:24

To me the biggest turn-off since the lights of London are photos taken on overseas travel. They scream ‘Look how rich I am, you’ll have to be really good to reach my level in society’ and/or ‘You’ll need a fat chequebook to keep up with me.’ They go hand-in-hand with the sole topic at that first ‘coffee’ being where the other person has travelled. I’ve had those photos and boring talks over ‘coffee’ up to my neck and have given up online dating.

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Chris

15 July 2012 13:54

i think everyone needs to stop over analysing pics as to whether there are ex’s cut out of pics (very false assumption), or whether a guy or girl parties simply because they have a pic with a drink – its called being sociable – ever heard of after work drinks followed by dinner with friends? it doesnt equate to being an alcoholic. Or whether they are wearing sunglasses. As long as one pic shows eyes, sunnies is fine with the rest.

And ladies, with all due respect, if we have cut out a female from a pic, its simply due to respecting THEIR privacy. Because for myself, i rarely take pics of myself, i dont know many guys that do in my group of friends. Its often my female friends who carry cameras with them in their bags, so its often a female friend that requests to take pics with a group of us.

And when im on holidays, i often like to take pics of the actual site im seeing (not myself), and if travelling with friends, i would have to cut them out of the pic, again to respect THEIR privacy! So its not cutting ex’s out, its simply that i rarely have pics alone.

Read into our words, interests etc, not too much into the pics. A few dates should be able to reveal who we are and whether there is some form of attraction, i would hope you are attracted to the REAL person, and not their pics, which often can be photoshopped and touched up to make them seem much better than real life! I much prefer those every day life shots, not those that need to be all dolled up, because i dont expect to be dating someone who packs on the makeup every day!

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emmayohson

18 July 2012 05:53

Thank you for a look at the comments and website. I am single, never married, and not looking for a partner, but found the above feedback interesting. Many good comments on photography composition. Am new to the internet and over 70yrs.
Bye!

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Keeta

1 August 2012 08:06

for me, personally, a photo is a ‘rough guide’ only, a photo taken yesterday is already out of date.
But… sunglasses? Uncool, why do you have to hide?
Kids, family etc – do you have their permission? Do they even know they are being featured here? How will they feel about it in 5 years time?
How big is your car? Motor Bike? Boat? Who cares?
KISS – just yourself, as you are.

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Mozz

4 August 2012 01:44

Yes it’s true– some people don’t have any or many friends.
That’s life.

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Klint

6 August 2012 05:15

This whole thread could be saving everyones time by saying “passport photo with a smile only is acceptable”. Because virtually everything else has been ruled out. Could you imagine how boring that would be? Just because you find it a turn off does not mean everyone else does. That goes for you too mr. author of the article. You are making vast generalizations where the ONE person that may find your photo attractive may be all you need. Are you looking to play a numbers game, or are you looking to find someone who is attracted to you being you. My 2 cents but in my humble opinion something to consider…..

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Suzy

22 August 2012 08:13

The problem these days is that there is too much choice and everyone thinks they have the right to be critical and picky simply because they are on the other side of a computer. Certainly some photos are over the top and sleazy, and you wouldn’t approach those people in a bar or club. But surely seeing someone with their kids, out walking their dog or pursuing an interest they like wouldn’t put you off if you were there on the spot and the person was pleasant and chatty. Computers have turned us into a cynical, overly pretentious and picky society. Time for a reality check I think.

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Steve

16 September 2012 00:04

Wow! At 53 I can count on one hand the number of photos I have ever had taken of me by myself. So when joining the internet dating game I took a photo with my web cam. I have met a lady, I rocked up in my old battered car, she arrived in a newish car. We get on well. Does it really matter that much?

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Jon

16 September 2012 05:21

I agree with many of the comments, particularly the ones about ‘old’ photos. If you want to use them, then by all means do so … but in your profile do not say you are truthful or trustworthy.

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Shaz

16 September 2012 06:35

I don’t really care what the picture of the man looks like, as long as he is happy with his life, he can have his children or his pets in the photo’s. It does show me that he is a loving man. I don’t think men know that not all women want a rich successful man. I don’t. I don’t care about his appearance as this doesn’t show who he is on the inside. I agree with Paul and Danin, Men just need to just be themselves no matter what other people expects of you.I will fight over an overweight bald man with a kind heart ,than any muscled brad Pitt lookalike that I know will lie and cheat on me the first chance he gets.Also not having a photo of himself on his page isn’t wrong. Who wants your friends or work colleagues laughing at you or behind your back because you can’t find that special someone like they can, I don’t. There are just too many picky people at there.

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Tom Wood

17 September 2012 07:47

Profiles I feel uncomfortable responding to are those with tourist icons. How are you supposed to compete with that? What can you chat about if you havn’t been to that destination?

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Mike D

25 September 2012 14:33

When I see a woman’s profile without a picture there is absolutely no interest for me at all.
As for when a woman has only ‘by-request’ photos I see that as a big turn off: to me it either indicates that they have something to hide, or WORSE they consider themself so physically attractive that they are exclusive. Where that is the case, I consider that conceited and very unattractive. Although, I can understand that being very physically attractive may limit the type of men that will approach you, also it may simply be because you don’t wish to deal with the sheer volume of men who contact you due to your physical attractiveness… Point being, have at least one mediocre picture tyhat is viewable to everyone such as you in a loose-fitting cardigan in the backseat of a car on a roadtrip, then (if you must) set the other “attractive” ones as ‘by-request.’

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Joy

1 October 2012 06:16

Paul, love your comments… I actually love to see photos of a man’s children, bike, car, fishing, travel, etc… Most important photo is a close face shot with no sunnies, so I can your eyes. Then as much about yourself as you can with your other photos…. the gorgeous pair of shnauzzers, or the cat, inside your house… makes it easier to eliminate unsuited matches straight away. I might be looking for someone who likes fishing, boating or travelling. And Adrian, I love what you said about children not being baggage. I hate that word baggage. We all have lives and a story, the older we are the longer our story and the more people in our lives. I don’t expect or want to meet a man who has no friends, no interests and no story… and I don’t mind the bare chest…good to know what I’ll be waking up to lol

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Dan

1 October 2012 14:11

i say each to their own.if a woman is hiding in a half shot – probably she is overweight,if she is showing too much of cleavge ,drunk in a party,showing tattoos etc.etc… whatever – atleast you can guess what the person is like and move on.i say let people post the pics assording to what they think and you decide if they are for you or not.

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Phillip

9 October 2012 09:58

What is wrong with showing pets and children? If they are an integral part of your life and who you are the honesty is refreshing. If people are scared of kids in relationship or that insecure about competing with a pet isn’t it better to lose them up front?

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Wen

26 October 2012 05:14

How about broken legs in traction. Don’t need to see your war wounds just yet.

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Sam

27 October 2012 23:50

So many strong opinions about photos…yet most people say it is whats on the inside that counts. If you have rules about photos, you are kidding yourself, you are concerned with appearance. I am overweight and unattractive and I dont have any friends, so should my photo reflect this? If so I would not get any dates. I am trying to show what I am on the inside, beautiful, loving, intelligent, warm hearted…whats wrong with that?

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jane

5 November 2012 11:49

A man holding a fish he just caught, a big no no….

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Ann

28 November 2012 08:31

Bring it on. I want to make the most informed choices I can and at the same time have some hope confidence that those interested in me may possibly ‘get’ who I am; which is why I chose e harmony. I have already had one epic fail relationship where I struggled for far too long to relate to someone from a demographic I would otherwise never have come into contact with. I want to know if you are a drinker / smoker / slob etc. I want all the cues.

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Sue Anne

10 December 2012 21:38

Well well all good advice but how about 1 thing:
Be as honest as you can on the site because we are all on here for a reason ( most of us I hope ) to find someone that we can spent great times togeather and see how it goes. No bull —- just be straight up, because in the end when you do meet up it dosnt take long before we see the real person, you cant pretend for eva.

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Shane

23 December 2012 15:57

Wow. As has been previously stated, it looks as though no photo will live up to the expectations of the masses, but maybe I’m ok with that. I have four kids under 10, and they’re proudly displayed in one of my photos. As my caption reads “because what you see is what you get”. I see no point in hiding their presence. If it makes a woman feel uncomfortable, then she probably wasn’t for me anyway. If she feels that she would never be able to compete against my love for the, she’s probably right on that point too. It’s called self qualifying, and the quicker I can weed those people out, the easier the experiences with those I eventually meet will be. I’m sick of everyone trying so hard to “create” a profile that they think is what everyone would rather see of them, opposed to just putting it all out there. Isn’t that what honesty is? A profile should be a snapshot of who you really are, not what you think others would prefer of you. I’m sticking to my guns on this one. Life’s too short for games.

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Andrew Thompson

2 January 2013 18:30

My dearest friends I have just spent the last hour reading these post and some of the heart felt comments that are coming out. But at the end of the day I really think we are missing the point. We have all submitted a survey so we can see the “Secret person of the heart” the person within, the person that sometimes we ourselves didnt know existed. Many times we have used looks to attract us to a person and have been hurt becouse they havent turn out to be the person we want them to be. Looks are important i know but we have the opportunity to see beyond that. Whether the person is partying or even using a web cam in a dimly lit room, or showing her kids or being with friends it doesn’t matter it shows them being happy. That is only part of the equation. Remember a person’s appearance no matter how gorgeous will fade but the person we fall in love with is the person inside the one beyond the photo. So pardon the pun but only take the photo as face value, read between the lines, maybe take a chance on someone that hasn’t posted a picture but sounds like a great person you may be pleasantly surprised.

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Annette

3 January 2013 13:22

I am feeling the urge to run now to an open field, scan the horizon to exclude roaming livestock, wrap myself in a sheet from neck to toe …. set the camera on time lapse and jump in front of it hugging a tree. So far as I can make out from having read all this palaver such an activity would not by most people to be considered unacceptable God forbid.

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Kada

13 January 2013 01:55

Haha. And I thought that you were going to say a photo with a minimum of clothes on…

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Linda

10 February 2013 14:45

Good one Annette. You’ve got to watch out for livestock.

Hey I like my pets, they are very photogenic. Love me love my dog.

Are the blokes going to cook me fresh fish? Bring it on! Could they please catch lobsters too?

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Traci

2 April 2013 03:34

Channel bag?

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Chris

25 April 2013 13:05

Me and some people are nervous about having their photo especially in a way, that it feels unaturally circumstance like the RTA, noone looks they do photos, I can tell you models dont, what do guys want? if you have a great photo of who you really are great, we here for a reason don’t complain so much. WE are here for love and companionship, what photo, what we look like does not matter.

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jase

19 May 2013 03:13

i have actually taken quite a bit from reading all these comments.
no fish, no holidays, no kids, no friends, no pets, no interests, no real and not anything that may depict who you arwe as a person!…
ok, so what does that leave?.. hmm..

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Margery

10 June 2013 08:30

Don’t have a problem with photos which include pets,but would not,myself ,post photos which included other people purely because those individuals would not have necessarily given prior consent for their photo to be displayed on a dating site. I would be unlikely to contact a person who had either no photo, an extreme long-shot photo, or one which was obviously taken many years ago.

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Matt63

8 September 2013 20:28

This was a great section as far as photos go. My problem lies in how to respond to a potential relationship. I just turned 50 and been out of the dating seen for 7 years. Not out of pity because of divorce, but because I never had seeked out another unless I was drinking. I don’t drink anymore and feel that fear because I don’t have that liquid courage. I need a females point of view on how to date again. You can say I’m scared. For me to be quite honest I’m shy and that may be my downfall. It may be true. In other words, I need relationship tutoring. Any advice will be beneficial. Every ones photo advice was very helpful. If I’m going to do online hooking up then I just need to study and learn how to do a profile. Thanks to all advice. Just think, you could pat yourself on the back for your advice in helping me out.

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Kay

11 October 2013 20:21

What a load of BS you can post anything you want once eH approve it. I don’t give a RS what you think of my Pics .. Don’t like it then push-off & don’t come-back .. Its a free world & its my membership dollars so I’ll spend it the way I want not what a bunch of ‘Moron’s” think I should do with it. Finally .. ‘Paul, Kristen & Chris’ I love your comments but you guy’s need to get a life ! .. or get some romance back in it !

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Claire

5 December 2013 09:56

I am confused by the amount of profile pictures which have been taken in a public bathroom/toilet. In one I could actually see a urinal! Why?..

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Julie

6 February 2014 09:28

Hi,
I also like to see a photo without sunglasses, as they can obscure your face.
I really like to see a close up one of your head and shoulders and also a more distant one that shows off your overall shape.
That way I get a reasonable picture of what you might really look like.

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