4 May 2011
Five ‘about me’ profile writing tips
by eHarmony
We all know that in a good eHarmony profile, photos are important. But if you really want to add some magic to your profile, make sure your ‘About Me’ page shines!
It sounds simple in theory; post a photo of yourself and describe who you are. But in reality this can be no easy feat. You have to walk the fine line between showing how great you are, while remaining honest.
In our professional opinion – formed after reading thousands of profiles – eHarmony users are overwhelmingly honest. In fact, on meeting many of our married success couples, they mention honesty as one of their partner’s great qualities. But often people just don’t know how to present themselves in both an honest and attractive light.
Here are five key tips:
1. Omit things you can’t spell
The most common gripe we hear from women about men’s profiles is that they are poorly spelled and punctuated – and there seems to be a real gender bias here. Gentlemen (and in fact everyone should do this) double-check your spelling. Paste your profile answers into a word document beforehand and make sure all the i’s are dotted and t’s crossed.
2. Don’t fuss the small stuff
We see many users complaining about ‘subjective incompatibilities’. These represent the things that would never be seen as ‘deal-breakers’ once a couple is in a relationship, but can appear off-putting in the initial stages.
For example, you may be a dog lover but if you spend your entire ‘About Me’ profile talking about how much you love your four-legged friend, someone who doesn’t own a pet may be put off. However, after meeting, your match may come to love your dog as much as you do. It’s simply a question of being moderate when making a first impression.
3. Highlight the positives
The overall tone of your profile is very important. Negativity and aggression put people off, so try to avoid saying what you hate (‘politicians really drive me mad’), or describing the matches you won’t communicate with (‘I can’t stand people who like Star Wars’). That’s why we have the ‘Must Haves and Can’t Stands’ section separate from your ‘About Me’ profile, making it less personal. Try to be as positive as possible, talking about what you enjoy and what you’re looking for in a potential partner.
4. Reveal more than work and family
Your ‘About Me’ profile is where you give your matches a tantalising glimpse of the real you. However, if your profile only talks about your work and family, your matches may find it hard to connect with you. You may think you are giving the impression that you are responsible and caring, but others may interpret this as lack of time for someone new in your life. By all means talk about what interests you, but don’t overdo it.
5. Avoid being vague
A close second to ‘being unable to spell’ is ‘not saying anything at all’. Some people manage to fill their whole profile without saying anything of interest. For example, rather than saying ‘I like to enjoy life to the full’, explain how you do this. Maybe you have an interesting hobby, or you like to go travelling – the most important thing is to provide examples to give your profile some colour. By saying ‘I loved travelling around India last year’ you stand a good chance of drawing in someone who has had a similar experience.
If you find it hard to talk about yourself, then don’t worry, you’re in good company! Many eHarmony users feel the same. The key is taking the time to write your profile, re-reading and revising if necessary. If you don’t feel too self-conscious, get a friend to read it and ask them whether they think it’s an accurate representation of you.
The overall conclusion of our analysis of profiles is that anything is better than nothing. Or rather, in numbers, twice as many people will invite matches to communicate if they have 100 words in their profiles compared with those that have only 10. If your profile is looking a little bare, it’s time to start writing!
1
Anne Fallon
16 July 2011 01:00
The advice to check spelling and grammar rings absolutely true for me. While I’m aware that it is a prejudice and I do try to see past errors to get a sense of the person, there are many profiles I simply don’t consider because the poor written expression is so off-putting. However, the point I wish to make here is that telling people to dot their i’s and cross their t’s is just a cliche for someone who is typing and wastes an opportunity to say something useful about how to self-edit their text. Perhaps a link to a basic writer’s checklist would be helpful.
2
Cathryn
22 July 2011 12:09
A big ‘skip this bloke’ signal is if the profile has the minimum – so guys, after the initial registration process just go and write something!
When there’s nothing there it seems like either a) this guy can’t be bothered writing anything about himself, or b) he has nothing to say. Both make you just skip to the next match.
3
margie
11 August 2011 09:40
It might behove eharmony to also enlighten women that 1 in 10 men have some form of dyslexia/learning difficulty. Having this disability does not necessarily result in an inability to love beautifully/be loved; earn a good income etc. I’ve been lucky enough to have 2 great loves in my life, who I would have missed out on if I’d judged them on their spelling skills.
4
Skai
3 September 2011 05:51
Another big ‘skip this guy’ message is not having a photo, even after requesting one, nothing happens. Doesn’t matter how interesting he might sound – ignoring a request for a photo is just plain bad manners.
5
Anne
8 October 2011 03:13
This site is designed to match us wonderful women with wonderful men .. but why is it that when I send an email to initiate contact I get no replies whatsoever??
What has happened to common courtesy?
If I take the time and yes the risk, to say hello, all I ask if for the same .. and I am OK if the response comes back to say “thanks but no thanks” .. come on guys show your chivalrous side!
6
daniel
20 October 2011 08:27
im not a good speller at large words, but i dont think it should reflect a persons persona or ability to be lovable or desirable ! is this fair or just plain old stereo typing at its best?? come on people what ever happened to the love conquers everything rule
7
Shannon
25 October 2011 13:39
I personally notice that many women don’t seem to be paying any attention to their spelling and grammar – it isn’t just the men. While I also try not to be put off, when trying to get an insight into someone on a small amount of information, that someone doesn’t trouble to write properly about themselves is very off putting.
8
Lindi
23 November 2011 13:05
eHarmony is a beautiful idea for getting past the small stuff…I am a mother, a meditation teacher & a writer-in-progress. My grammar is generally perfect & important to me. But what is most important are people, truth & love…TRUE LOVE in relationships…So what I like to emphasise in life is the importance of being real and that life is meant to be enjoyed. So grammar to me remains the 3 R’s … Relax Respect be Real…
9
Rebecca
29 November 2011 03:01
Internet dating is nerve racking at best, attitionally the pressure of spelling and grammar, good photos and oh yes the dreaded divulgence of personal details.. I personally feel that my written word doesn’t represent me very well, Im best when Im face to face with a person. So I would like to think that people can accept that not everyone puts all their personal details up and that each person is unique and special. To me it doesn’t really matter how much detail a person puts up, just so long as they seem committed to taking internet dating seriously. I think the effort eHarmony has gone to with all the “must haves” and “interests” etc; are a great tool to meet a partner. However thats where the questions stop for me. I prefer to have direct contact straight away and them get a true idea if there is a connection or not. It’s terrible to admit but this is a very judgmental platform, everyone has a checklist of likes and dislikes, so my only hope is that people come with an open-mind toward new opportunities, as we are here(on line) looking because we haven’t met that right someone “out there”.. So my final word is; Good Luck to you all and I hope you find what your heart desires!
10
Jenny
22 December 2011 12:08
Dear EHarmony
EHarmony is a nice website for a dating. I noticed that its not 100 percent about grammar etc., but about to find a chemistry and true love are very difficult.
Its appreciated if EHaarmony would help me or advise me the better way to make a profile to attract people/men to come in to my profile site.
Thank you for your kind attention and assistance.
Sincerely,
Jenny
11
Sandy (male)
29 December 2011 09:40
Dunt no why youz girls are so keen on gud spelin – sum of the best men are ilitrate!!
Sorry, that was a joke and I agree that articulation in writing and spelling is important as some have already said. It doesn’t take much to write as a word document then have it checked and cut and paste. Alternatively, why doesn’t eHarmony have spell check?
However from a man’s point of view here are a couple of hints for you girls (most of the above comments seem to be from girls).
1.Please, please have at least one photo – more if possible. Most men will archive immediately any match without a photo
2.ALWAYS respond to contact requests – even if it is “No thank you”. Ignoring is tantamount to ignorance and gives a bad feel.
3.After you are sure it is safe to do so, have a coffee with your match. A 30 minute coffee break speaks volumes of likes and dislikes and fast forwards the process. Even if you don’t see each other again, at least you tried and didn’t hide behind long emails. Be positive!
Believe me girls, there are good men out there looking for a match so I hope these hints are helpful in finding your match.
Now, where is thut spil chek?
12
Lars
14 February 2012 08:11
I’m thinking of quitting eH. I just deleted the whole of my profile I spent ages on and yes I can speel. I had such high hopes only to have my time wasted by females who are so picky for perfection when in actual fact they need to take a long hard look in the mirror. I was flexible and open minded but they were not. God help the human race.
13
Lars ( male )
14 February 2012 08:30
Some points to help eH before I leave:
1)The grammar and spelling is bad with the ladies too. Stop these gender stereotypes, they are BS and destroy male-female respect
2)I also delete/archive if a lady has not included a photo, has more than one with a pet, if there is only one photo, a photo of a lady with a guy, a photo in a stupid costume/facial expression/pose, holiday photos, next to a flash car, head only photos, only photos from years ago, etc, I put up the maximum and a variety and expect the same
3)I close/archive ladies who answer “Maybe” to wanting kids. That just shows how indecisive you are or about to waste more of my precious life time.
4) I close/archive ladies who I see have been “active” and yet have not bothered to answer my last message, etc.
5)I close/archive ladies who I find out have used a false name
6)I close/archive ladies who state they work in HR … but that’s a long personal story …
Hope that helps you ladies. Goodbye eH and thanks for ???
14
J
15 February 2012 06:54
eHarmony recently matched me with a guy who listed one of the five things he couldn’t live without as being ‘while I’m single, my right hand’.
He could have been the loveliest, sweetest, sexiest man on earth, but all I can remember about his profile is THAT and I’m sure, had I met him, that’s what I would have been thinking the entire time we were together.
Gentlemen, first impressions do count and your profile is the first impression you get to make with us. What makes your friends at the pub laugh might not have the same impact on the ladies.
Just something to think about.
15
BILLIE
15 February 2012 19:37
Good stuff. Thank-you: especially about the spelling. I use good spelling, grammar and vocabulary initially. Only after I have prven mself do i start usng abrvatns & such.
Thanks again.
billie
16
Veronica
17 August 2012 11:21
Honestly, if spelling is going to put you off, you should be interviewing writers, not trying to date.
Also, I prefer the profiles that don’t tell everything or come across as trying to sound upbeat and optimistic about everything, so not all us women want men that overshare and have to think life’s swell all the time
But fair enough eHarmony that you give us the heads up that this is the feedback people give. Thanks for the advice
17
Marc
11 September 2012 13:51
I agree that a lot of the women are choosy and picky, perhaps waiting for Mr. Perfection. well, take a good look at yourself and why you are on this site. If someone asks you out, at least send them sorry , not interested. It’s no wonder I see a lot of the same women on this site, night after night, and I’ve only been on here for 2 weeks. And yes, if spelling does put you off, get a pet!
18
Gary
18 October 2012 12:05
I definitely agree, I have found that there are alot of very picky, choosy woman on this site, as well as an over abundance of time waster woman-you know the ones that don’t reply to icebreakers or emails, or they chat, make plans and then dont show or keep putting off dates or a meet up session. Just be honest girls, but do realise that there are ALOT of very nice guys out there that would tick all or most of your boxes if you just gave them a chance and got to know them. There seems to be a real trend of woman judging guys by their job, wealth or status before they have even got to know them. I have heard so many stories about how there are no decent guys out there…what a load of crap, of course there are alot of dickheads out there but honestly if you opened your mind a bit more you just might find someone special on here…nobody is perfect and anyway perfection is impossible and unattractive.
19
M
31 October 2012 10:20
I think some of these comments are a bit funny, and others are very bitter and superficial. As for spelling, really, that’s a deal breaker is it?? You’re judging a persons content and depth by their spelling ability? I find that a little sad. As for some of the men on here complaining that they want an ‘I’m not interested’ response; if someone hasn’t responded to your message, isn’t that a clear enough message that she’s not interested… Its not rocket science. Some of the men on here sound pissed off; women (like men) have certain things that are important to them (the above list is purely a generalization), and if they don’t see it in a profile, then they’re not going to respond. Its part of the process or part of the journey to finding what you want. But there’s no need to be so spiteful, just because you’re not what someone is looking for. Get over it, smile, and move on. Anything worthwhile doesn’t come easy.
20
Diane
27 December 2012 02:04
Wow guys, you’d think the female of the species are the only ones being fickle and shallow. We women are judged on our looks and body type more so than the other way around. One guy above even says he’ll archive a match just for answering ‘maybe’ to the question ‘wants children’.
Using spell check is a very quick and simple solution to an off putting profile flaw. It’s off putting because its so simple to fix but if you didn’t….well it’s the online equivalent to not brushing your teeth.
Don’t get so bitter gentlemen. That in itself is offputting.
21
sophie
20 April 2013 23:35
i wonder if our matches(guy or girl) would appreciate it if we send them an email saying your spelling is bad you might want to fix it to save yourself being archived just based on that? if people dont know something needs to be fixed it might not be entirely their fault. ive got one match im very tempted to do this. are people just as picky about grammar (ie. apostrophe or capitals) or use of text speech ( i mean like u instead of you or ppl instead of people or coz instead of because)?