26 April 2012
Profile Feedback: Edition #2
by Fran Creffield
This month's profile comes courtesy of Bridget - she'd love to know what you think about her profile, what could be added, or even what's best left out.
Sometimes it’s great to get a second pair of eyes on something. That’s why, every month, we’ll be showcasing one user’s eHarmony profile, asking for your feedback. For our second edition we’re showcasing Bridget’s profile below.
Whether you’re male or female, we’d love your comments. What do you think of the profile as a whole? What do you think works? What do you think could be improved? All comments are gratefully received, but please, nothing rude or overly personal. Bridget’s looking for helpful critique not harsh criticism!
And, if you’re interested in getting involved, you can find out more here:
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The one thing I am most passionate about:
I’m passionate about the environment & Sustainability, about doing things smarter & better so that we don’t stuff things up & preserve our environment. I love travelling to outback & rural Australia. Architecture/buildings, health, personal happiness
The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
Honesty. A good hearted successful man who wants a committed relationship with a best friend & lover.
The most influential person in my life has been:
If I had to say just one person …. the Dalai Lama, why … in his own words “My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” & “The purpose of our lives is to be happy.”
The three things which I am most thankful for:
- Health/happiness
- Wise outlook
- Business success
Three of my best life-skills are:
- Creating a peaceful, beautiful home environment
- Volunteering my time to causes I care about
- Keeping physically fit
The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:
Depth.
The things I can’t live without are:
- Friends/family
- Expanding knowledge
- Health/exercise
- Buildings and architecture
- Food
The first thing people notice about me:
Tell me when we meet …….
Some additional information I want you to know:
That is not my dog … & I am not a Buddhist …. Because I’m passionate about the environment & architecture, I’ve travelled extensively, overseas & in Australia, & have worked as an architect in Melbourne, Sydney, India, Malaysia & Germany.
My interests
I typically spend my leisure time:
Keeping fit, Socialising with friends/family, Reading, Travelling, golf, skiing, bush walking, road trips
The last book I read and enjoyed:
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. A book you can’t put down. Thrilling to the end.
According to my friends:
My friends describe me as:
- Optimistic
- Passionate
- Intelligent
- Spontaneous
1
Natalia
13 May 2012 00:59
Hi Bridget
We women like to get straight to the point when the topic is personal relationships. We know what we want and what we don’t want. Men tend to be laid back when it comes to relationships. they tend to like a relaxed approach first and then build it up. As an introduction (first impression)I noticed in the what ‘you’re looking for section’ you listed 6 things – honest, good hearted, successful, committed, bestfriend , lover.
That to a male may feel as though it’s too much to live up to for a first impression. They could be thinking, ‘if that just the profile then what would she expect in a relationship? It may feel too much pressure for them.
Even though I agree with you, we women tend to lay it all out and then tend to see how it goes.(the opposite) Maybe saying something like ‘honesty. A kind hearted man who knows what he wants and is looking for a life partner.’
By substituting good hearted for kind doesn’t seem like we are measuring them (how good is your heart?) and substituting successful for ‘who knows what he wants’ and substituting committed, best friend and lover for ‘life partner’ do you see how it feels like a softer more welcoming introduction? It’s only because I did the same thing and wondered why I was getting nowhere. Then one day I thought ‘let me look at my profile from a man’s point of view.’ And then I saw it in a completely different light. Wishing you the best of luck, Natalia
2
Michael Allan
13 May 2012 02:02
Honesty is the first word I noticed in your expectations in a male partner I assume, you should be the same and if you have been honest with what you have written down in your profile I wouldn’t change a thing. You seem like an interesting person with a lot of good qualities and I wish you well in your endeavour to find a caring partner.
3
ros
13 May 2012 02:21
The profile indicated you are a very smart, articulate, high achieving lady who knows exactly what you want our of life. My profile is somewhat similar but I now realise after reading yours that it may infact we a little intimidating to many men. I am going to rewrite mine so that it is seeking a wider audience. Maybe listing the countries where you work could be altered. Good Luck
4
Jacqui
13 May 2012 03:40
Awesome Bridget! Made me want to go back and say things a little more precisely on my own profile.
5
danielle
13 May 2012 04:58
i loved your honesty,and you were pretty straight forward in your answers..i wouldn’t change a thing if i were you
6
Penny
13 May 2012 06:26
It’s a pretty good profile. But your one word answer of “depth”, to the question about what you want more people to notice about you, is a bit vague. Depth of… character? In what area of your charahter? This answer could be taken that people find you shallow????
Overall your profile shows a compassionate person. Good luck finding the right one
7
Peter
13 May 2012 12:15
Hi Bridget,
I don`t want to sound like a religious fanatic and you may not be aware, however the Dalai Lama claims there`s no God, however allows himself to be worshipped as a god.He also as you correctly state, comments that his religion is kindness,but what about his (the Dalai Lamas) sins. Who will absolve him from his sins. Thank God for the precious blood of Jesus Christ!
Thought for the day,
Peter.
8
Stephen
13 May 2012 12:18
I think Bridget has a great profile. She’s specific about who she is and what she wants and gives just enough information that you can get a basic glimpse of her.
9
Daniel
13 May 2012 12:51
Hi Bridget, good on you for putting up your profile to get feedback on it! Takes courage to do that. I hope you get some useful feedback.
Sounds like you’re a talented and successful woman, that you enjoy your life and are passionate about the things that you do.
At first I didn’t see anything that really stood out for me that you should change about your profile, but on the downside it also didn’t really stand out on the positive side either at first. Perhaps it would jump out for the right person but maybe there are some great guys out there who would love to get to know you better but don’t even start communicating because your profile doesn’t grab their attention among all the other profiles.
So obvious comments aside (you wouldn’t be putting your profile up for comments if it was already working great for you, or you didn’t think there should be any changes), here are my thoughts about some things you could do to improve it.
The first paragraph is probably one of the most important, and you’ve done fairly well with it, but maybe try to make it stand out a bit more if you aren’t getting many people interested in your profile. The last sentence in that paragraph fades off without even a full stop, I’d fix up that grammar.
I suggest that you go into more depth (hahaha pun – roll eyes) in the One thing I wish more people would know about me section, unless you were being intentionally ironic! I don’t recommend using one word answers in your profile. Maybe more people will recognise your depth if you open up to them a bit more.
Again, in The first thing people notice about me.. try to think of something to say about yourself. You can include the ‘tell me when we meet’ bit if you want, but if you want to meet more people you’ll be better off revealing more about yourself on your profile.
Some additional information I want you to know. Fair enough to say it’s not your dog (although alternatively you could leave the dog out of the photos), but perhaps mention that you would like to get a dog or are allergic to dogs, or whatever. Eg, it’s not my dog but I wish it was! The not being Buddhist bit might be better said in the influential person section where you quote the Dalai Lama. If someone’s concerned about you being a Buddhist, they might have already stopped reading at that point.
Perhaps you could also include something about where you’re wanting to take your life in the next few years. For example, you’ve done lots of travel, but are you hoping to settle down now or still wanting to travel around a lot? Obviously that might change depending on who you meet, so you could choose to leave that for when you start talking to somebody but if for example you’ve had enough travel and really want to settle down, you might as well state that upfront.
Finally, the one thing that’s not included here is your photos, so I can’t comment on that, but don’t underestimate the importance of good photos. For me a great photo will grab my attention in the first place and make me want to read the profile to find out more, and to be looking for positive things about that person in their profile. If the photos aren’t good I will probably still skim through a profile to see if the person is worth getting to know but great photos are a big factor. Doesn’t mean you have to be a supermodel (although that probably helps!), but it’s definitely worth spending the effort to put up photos that make you look your best.
Hope that helps you Bridget. All the best finding your best friend and lover. Enjoy the journey!
10
therese
13 May 2012 23:43
loved your site good luck sounds like we are looking for a similar tyope of man
11
Sana
14 May 2012 07:06
Hi there,
the profile looks good and well worked on – you show what you like (enviroment, travelling).
Few things that could be done differently/better:
- “The most important thing…” – not clear who you really want? Honesty and success is quite broad features + everyone likes to think he/she is honest and successful. What else would you want to see in your man?
- “The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me: Depth.” What do you/your friends mean by depth? Please expand.
- totally subjective but too many “” and & signs. As for me it doesn’t look very readable.
- MAIN point: would be nice to see more information about you Brig. Who you really are! What makes you different from the rest of the world! Also what do you need the man for? I don’t mean to put the straight answer, but it should be read between the lines, so you attract right type of people.
Hope it helps
Good luck in your search!
Sana
12
Mark
16 May 2012 12:07
Hi Bridget
After reading your profile. I now realise I need to sharpen mine up a lot thanks mine reads like the diary of the confused wimpy man lolol. Its not till you see some one else’s and look at it closely that you realise that you are not putting your best foot forward or being receptive to your target audience.
Suggestions
Listing the Dalai Lama as your most influential person is sending a very strong political and religious message. Hmm I love “My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.” & “The purpose of our lives is to be happy.” That’s welcoming to all potential suitors.
I would suggest not listing all the countries you have worked in ,but say I have worked on many projects abroad, but this depends on if you are dating up or trying to cast the net wider.
It really needs some architectural flare its needs some personal touches that show a softer side in my opinion.
Mark
13
Johnatan
19 May 2012 13:25
All women on eharmoney ask for honesty but they lie through their teeth!
14
Mike D
28 September 2012 15:52
@ Bridget.
I’m going to play devil’s advocate here and pick out only the bits I didn’t like, mostly because as Dan said nothing really stood out on the positive side.
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A) Your portrayal of yourself is quite intimidating to most men. In fact, some may even find it goes the other way and makes you less attractive. You refer to yourself as having a “wise outlook” and go on to state that you are seeking an “Honest + Good Hearted + Sucessful man who is looking for commitment.”
(i)Firstly, that is a long list of highly coveted qualities – which is setting the bar WAY too high (unless you’re willing to roll the dice for triple 6′s for a long time).
(ii)Secondly, can you empathise how it could, conceivably, be imasculating to have a “well travelled” and “wise” professional, with “business sucess” list off what she requires of you as a prospective mate.
In this case, you’re going to attract 2 types of men: (1) a perfect guy who’s extremely self-assured and confident in himself and exactly what you’re looking for (can i get a “roll the dice a few more times, lady?”, or alternatively; (2) a sucessful asshole with enough business savvy to know how to fool you into believing he’s an honest and good hearted man.
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Here, I would take Natalia’s advice and rephrase those criterion (remember: this isn’t one of your job interviews) to be a bit “wider” as Natalia termed it.. Also, knocking just one of those criterion off the list might make it a realistically attainable goal.
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B) This whole profile is very impersonal. Instead of elaborating on anything, you are short and far too to-the-point. For instance,
[Quote] The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. A book you can’t put down. Thrilling to the end. [End Quote]
Furthermore:
[Quote] The thing I wish more people would notice about me:
Depth. [End Quote]
Do you see how that is just cold and calculating and does not impart much more than a factual statement that you liked the book?
I’d love to instead see some warmth and personality expressed after these statements. You might try something like this: “I’ve always enjoyed reading, it’s a great way to unwind and take a trip to another world. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo was a lot of fun to read, especially the storyline, which was thrilling all the way to the end!”
See how that let’s us get a glimpse into how you spend your off-time when you’re not jetting around the world to be a super woman? See how it shows us that you take joy in turning a few pages at the end of your day?
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C) What next? Are you looking to settle down? Are you instead intending to find a person to travel with you and save the environment from whichever impending doom is next on the agenda? Or, do you perhaps want a man to become a ‘home base’ for you and found a family life here whilst you continue to pursue your career?
It really doesn’t matter what you want to do, and more power to you if you don’t want to slow down just yet, but at the very least an indication of what you’re looking for on a long-term basis would go a long way towards communicating to prospective partners what you’re actually looking for in a relationship sense (that is if the prospective partner makes it through the screening criterion in the first place).
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I realise that this has been a bit of a kick in the teeth insofar as I’ve not held anything back. But if you’re as set in your ways as this (quite possibly completely wrong) reader would perceive then I think it’s just what you need.
Best of luck in your search Bridget.
15
Claire
23 November 2012 01:11
I agree with Mark…it’s a good reminder to see other EH users put their profiles up….
…as it gives us ideas on how to spruce up our profiles as well!