2 May 2013
4 profile clues that someone is ready for a relationship
by Fran Creffield
When someone posts an online profile you might think that it means they’re ready for a relationship. This isn't always the case.
Posting a profile online, or even paying a subscription, are signs that someone wants a relationship but not necessarily that they are ready for one. The difference is an important one when you are reviewing your matches. You want to choose people who are serious about finding a partner to avoid time wasters and people who bail at the last minute.
There are lots of reasons why someone might not be ready and the clues can often be found in their profile. What someone writes and what they actually feel can be quite different so here are some tips to help you read between the lines.
1. What kind of partner do they want
This is where it’s most obvious whether someone is ready for a relationship or not. Be wary of someone who describes their ideal partner in minute detail down to body type, hair colour, age etc – the chances are their expectations will be too rigid and no human will ever match their fantasy.
Also be cautious if someone lists lots of characteristics that they ‘don’t want’ e.g. selfishness, dishonesty, clinginess or high maintenance – this could mean that they are still smarting from a previous relationship where these things were big issues.
Ideally their description of a new partner should be open, flexible and their preferences not set in stone. They are open to meeting someone new as opposed to scared of making the same mistake again.
2. Their description of themselves
If someone has low self esteem and doesn’t think much of themselves it will usually affect whether they are ready for a relationship. They may want one in the belief that they would feel better about themselves if they were in a couple. Initially this might be the case but over time their low self worth would resurface and affect the relationship. How is it possible to believe that someone else thinks you’re great if you don’t think you are?
Signs to look out for in a profile are self criticism, disparaging remarks and a lack of information about themselves – instead they write about their friends, work or hobbies rather than their personality and character. Look for people who seem to believe that they are someone worth getting to know – they are the ones who are ready for a relationship.
3. Their lifestyle
In order for someone to have a relationship they need to have time and space in their life to devote to it. If their life is so busy that it takes them days to respond to an email or fix a date then they may struggle to fit in time to get to know you.
On the other hand if someone is online 24/7, or has very little going on, this could also mean that they aren’t ready but waiting for someone to come and give their life meaning and purpose. Ideally a profile will reveal a balanced life of someone who is happy with their own company but open to new experiences.
4. Their past
Someone’s attitude to their past will reveal more about them than the actual events it contains. To be ready for a relationship they need to believe in love and be willing to trust. Without this you will have to work very hard to break down their defences before you reach their heart. The words they use in their profile will often reveal whether this is the case. Be wary of someone who repeatedly mentions their ex, it could be a sign that that they are still hurt from the break up.
Profiles are only an introduction to someone; they are not the whole story. Reading the clues it contains may help you decide who you want to get to know more but it is no substitute for getting to know matches in person. Trust your intuition and ask if you’re unsure whether someone is serious about having a relationship.