Love of your life

10 ways to attract the love of your life

by Eharmony Editorial Team - July 7, 2016

Looking for the love of your life but finding them elusive? Well, the best way to attract love is to love yourself first. Rebecca Perkins explains how

There’s no magic wand I can wave, or magic potion that I can give you, that will attract the love of your life. In my experience, the single most important thing you can do if you’re looking to attract love is to love yourself. Truly, madly, deeply. And no, this isn’t some new age nonsense – it’s fact. And I’ve learned it the hard way.

Why is it that we find it so hard to love ourselves? Isn’t it something that we should be doing naturally and instinctively? Isn’t it something that we were born doing? Well, somewhere along the line, many of us have lost the ability to love and accept ourselves exactly as we are. Imperfect. Flawed. Human.

Loving ourselves is our most important job. When we do so, it changes everything. Others will see and learn from us because when we show ourselves love, respect and appreciation every day, our lives change for the better. So, here are 10 ways to get started:

1. Self-care

Look after yourself; eat well and drink lots of water – your body is a finely-tuned machine that needs care. Take care of your appearance – not in a shallow Hollywood celebrity way, but caring about how you look so that you feel good. Get a good haircut and dress in clothes and colours that suit you.

2. Affirmations

I’m not suggesting trying the ‘morning tiger’ in front of the mirror when you’re feeling rubbish, but something more online the lines of, ‘I’m getting there; I’m learning to love and appreciate myself.’

3. Forgiveness

What happened in the past to get in the way of you loving yourself? Did you do something you feel ashamed of or regret? Let it go, it’s in the past and dwelling on it is not going to change it. Once we can forgive ourselves we can begin loving ourselves.

4. Notice all negative self-talk

Ask yourself this, ‘would I allow someone I love dearly to talk to themselves the way I talk to myself?’ I doubt it very much. Stop it. Take time to listen to what you say in your head. Notice and be loving, be kind and be caring – it’s one of the greatest things you can do for yourself.

5. Exercise that body

Move it every day. Sing and dance and show it some love – appreciate how your body works for you every single day. Exercising releases endorphins – the happy hormones – and that’s got to be good, right? Be the healthiest version of you that you can and love will flow.

6. Journalling and meditation

These are just two of the ways you can look after your spiritual needs. It’s all part of the journey towards loving yourself. Find suitable matches on our spiritual dating page.

7. Set boundaries

Surround yourself with people who lift you up and help you raise your game, and limit the amount of time you spend with toxic people – they will bring you down.

8. Remember that you’re a work-in-progress

Some days are going to be easier than others; one bad day doesn’t make a bad life so lighten up on yourself.

9. Be in nature

Nature gives its love freely. Spend time looking up towards the sky, embrace the enormity of the universe and the flora and fauna on your doorstep. Appreciate how we are a part of the cosmos – how can there not be love within this greatness?

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10. Unconditional love

It’s something we hopefully received as children and something that, as parents, we give freely. This is the exact kind of love we should feel for ourselves; the kind of unconditional love that’s without borders, judgement or justification. This is the ultimate love. Remember how it feels to love and be loved unconditionally and guide it inwards.

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