A young woman rejects a man's advances

5 signs she’s just not that into you

by Fran Creffield - September 26, 2012

So you have been chatting online, have met for a couple of dates and yet you get the feeling that she really isn’t all that into you but how can you tell for sure?

In normal life it can be quite obvious if a woman gives you the brush off because she probably won’t go on a date with you in the first place but in the world of online dating things can be a bit more complicated. You may get on great online and have been matched because you are highly compatible. You may even have a couple of pleasant dates but things just don’t seem to be progressing. You get the sense that she is not that interested but how can you tell for sure?

1. Body language

Learning to read body language is a useful skill when dating because it can often tell you more than words alone will. Experts say that about 80% of our communication is non-verbal so even if a date is sitting in front of you, you might get a sense that they are not really ‘there’. Some of the signs of this are lack of eye contact – she seems to be looking anywhere but at you, often seeming more interested in what is going around her than in what is right in front of her; crossed arms and legs and shoulders hunched forward all indicate that someone is shut down to the possibility of engaging with you rather than being open and welcoming.

2. Its in her kiss

If things go well and you end the date with a goodnight kiss you can often tell by how open and responsive she is to your advances. Some people are more inhibited than others and the first couple of kisses can be a bit awkward for anyone. If you keep dating though and her kisses don’t get gradually more responsive, or if she avoids those moments when you would naturally kiss, she might be trying to tell you something.

3. Flaky timekeeping

Some people are just late all the time but there is a difference between that and someone who doesn’t put your dates in her diary, forgets to call you back and always seems to have to be somewhere else so dates are rushed and unsatisfying. Time is the first and most important thing we give to someone when we want to form a relationship with them so if she can’t spare the time for you the chances are she’s not that into you.

4. Its all about her

When you are together does she show an interest in you and your life or does most of the conversation revolve around her? After time, attention is the next thing that we invest in a potential relationship. Women form intimate connections through conversation, sharing of feelings and if they are really interested in having a relationship with you the majority will want to get to know all about you – sometimes more than you are willing to share – straight away. If she doesn’t show an interest it’s probably because she isn’t interested.

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5. She is still dating new matches

When people meet online it is not uncommon for them to be dating a number of different people at the same time. This is a good idea because rather than putting all your eggs in one basket you keep your options open and meet as many of your matches as you can. After a few dates you either stop seeing the person, realising that it is going no-where, or commit to start seeing them exclusively. If you are dating a woman for weeks or months and she is still meeting new matches, and going on dates with other men, it is likely that she is just keeping you hanging on until something better turns up.
Try not to be disheartened if you have been seeing someone who is like this – people can sometimes be unscrupulous and might rather have someone they aren’t that into accompanying them on nice dates rather than be home alone on a Saturday night. Let her go, put it down to experience and move onto someone else with your dignity in tact.

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