A couple embrace on a city street

5 signs your date is serious

by Eharmony Editorial Team - April 13, 2012

At the beginning of a relationship the question on everybody’s mind is whether the other person is serious. Here are five signs to look for which may not always be obvious to the uninitiated.

Just started dating but not sure if it’s going to go the distance? Here are the 5 signs to look out for if you’re worrying whether your date is serious about you

A serious relationship is characterised by both parties being committed to keeping the relationship going and a willingness to overcome any difficulties which may arise, rather than just hanging out when the going is good and then disappearing at the first sign of it getting a bit deeper. Relationships can bring up a lot of insecurities for people but rather than asking for reassurance all the time, which can make you look needy and desperate, look out for these signs to help you know whether your date is serious.

1. Attention

About 80% of communication is non-verbal and how someone interacts with you will tell more about their intentions than almost anything else. A serious date will give you their undivided attention while they are with you. They won’t be looking over your shoulder, playing on their phone, fidgety and distracted. They will be engaged with you, interested in what you are saying and this will be shown in their body language – good eye contact, open posture and a relaxed, unhurried attitude. The way they interact with you will make you feel like they are enjoying your company and time will tend to slip by very quickly when you are together.

Obviously some people are very nervous on the first few dates and these signs aren’t immediately apparent but they should develop over time. If after half a dozen dates they don’t seem to have remembered anything you have told them previously, are always rushing to be somewhere else or are generally inconsiderate or inattentive then you can safely assume they are not serious.

2. Time

Time is one of the most precious commodities we have and a sure way to know if your date is serious is if they want to spend their time with you. This isn’t just time to go on dates but also time to chat online or on the phone, time to plan things to do together and time to get to know each other in all the different ways we can these days. If your date is always too busy to listen when you have had a hard day, never has time to come and meet the people who are important to you or generally makes you feel that you are low down on their list of things to do then they probably aren’t that serious. A serious date will want to be with you and feel that the time you spend together is precious and helps them to deal with all the other things they have to do in their life. We all want to be with someone who just can’t get enough of us.

3. What they say

It is all too easy to get lost in our own imagination when it comes to dating. Listen to what your date is saying – do they say they want to see you again? Do they talk about a future that includes both of you? Try not to let your own insecurities cast doubt on a date who is being openly keen and enthusiastic about having met you. A common mindset which stops people from taking what a dates says seriously is ‘ Well they wouldn’t say that if they really knew me’ – this can block a lot of active listening and discourage even the most keen dates.

4. What they do

Some people have all the right words, they whisper sweet nothings over the phone and send romantic emails and texts but actions speak louder than words. Don’t judge someone’s intentions just on what they say, look at what they do. Do they return your calls? Are they kind and considerate of your feelings? Do they do what they say they are going to do? These are all signs that someone is committed to the relationship. Not everyone has the gift of the gab and some people won’t be able to tell you in words how they feel about you but their loving actions and thoughtful deeds will let you know that they are serious.

5. How you feel

Trust your instincts. You will know when you have been on a date with someone you are serious about, and who is serious about you because you will have a warm glow inside. You will feel as though you have brought some light and joy into another person’s life and that will make you feel really good about yourself and it will be an experience you want to repeat. Someone being serious about you is only wonderful if you are serious about them too.