3 Steps to build your dating confidence


The dating world can be a daunting place, with many of us suffering from low self-confidence and being held back by our fears. Whether you’ve had bad dating experiences in the past, suffer from low self-esteem or have a fear of rejection, just remember that you’re not alone in feeling insecure about dating and that there are a few simple steps to help boost your confidence.

  1. Know your fear

Building your dating confidence starts with understanding your fears and insecurities. It helps to listen to your inner monologue, identify and take note of the top 3 fears that come into your mind when you think about dating. This could be anything from: ‘not feeling good/attractive/confident enough’, ‘I’m too awkward’ or ‘what if we have nothing to talk about’. For each of these fears, write down a counter-statement like ‘I am good enough because XYZ’ and pull up these affirmations every time those fears creep back into your head. You’ll soon realise that these fears are irrational and that you actually have every reason to feel confident.

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  1. Create a state of calm

Often our stress hormones get the better of us when we are subjected to a stressful experience such as dating. And once the adrenaline is flowing, you have no choice but to wait until your body decides it’s safe to calm down, which can be long after your date! So prioritise monitoring your nervous system and managing your stress by getting into a relaxed state on a daily basis. Integrate exercise, meditation and healthy eating into your routine. Give yourself plenty of time to get ready before a date so you have no reason to be rushing and stressing over what to wear or finding a park. And if you find yourself starting to stress on a date, excuse yourself to the bathroom and take some deep breaths to calm down.

  1. Shift your mindset

Most people date with the mindset of ‘will I be liked/accepted/approved’? It’s easy to fall into this trap, however it’s important to remember that the power is actually in your hands. Dating can and should be something you do for yourself to hopefully lead into a loving relationship and have a bit of fun along the way. If you find yourself in a pattern of feeling anxious and vulnerable in the dating process, and seeking approval, it’s time to change your mindset. It may even help to take a break to reassess why you’re dating, rebuild your self-confidence and feel happy enough with yourself so that dating is a fun, positive experience for you.

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