A dating guide for shy girls


If you’re a shy girl, the thought of beginning your dating journey might fill you with fear. How will you start approaching people? What do you say? What do you even want from a relationship? And how do you find out if they’re mutually into you?

For many shy people, online dating can be a God send – you don’t have to approach a stranger in a crowded bar or think up the perfect chat up line on the spot. Instead, you have the time and space online to create a compelling profile. And when you do connect with someone, you can take your time to think up a fun response and start building a close and special bond.

But then comes the tricky part – meeting your perspective match in person… So, how do you handle your shyness when it comes to dating? What should you be looking for? How should you come across when meeting new people?

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How can you overcome your shyness, and the nerves that go with it, to navigate the murky waters of coming on too strong or not strong enough? To appear confident and in control, even when you’re not.

Eharmony has developed the following relationship tips to help shy girls nab their match. From embarking on your dating journey to confessing your attraction, we have everything covered.

Beware imposter syndrome

Have you ever felt like you’re a huge imposter who only got their date, job or success by chance? You’re not alone, it’s been estimated nearly 70% of people will experience imposter syndrome at some stage in their life. And with stars like Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks reporting feeling like a fraud, you’re in good company.

While it’s never nice to feel out of place, sometimes you do just have to ‘fake it, till you make it’ when on a first date.

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Still feeling stuck? Some psychologists recommend the ‘date like a mate’ trick. Think of your most confident friend and how they present themselves if you mimic their behavior for the first 20 minutes of your date you’ll soon start to feel more settled and in control.

Enlist your friends

If you identify as a ‘shy girl’ you know how hard it can be to make the first move and head out into the dating world. Confide in your close friends and let them know you’re looking for love. They can hold you accountable, check in on your dating journey and start scouting for potential partners.

And if you have a terrible date you have a wine drinking buddy available to cheer you up.

Work out what you want

Now that you’ve had the conversation with your friends and family, it’s time to have a conversation with yourself.

Sit down and truly think about what you want in your life and what you want from a partner. Try to focus on the big things – whether you want marriage, kids or to travel the world – rather than the superficial.

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Having a clear idea of what you’re looking for will help guide your decisions, and once you have shared interests and values with a perspective partner you’ll find it much easier to shed your shyness during dates and conversations.

Get online

Research has shown you’re much more likely to meet a partner online on a dating site, rather than in person. So, dust off your typing fingers and develop a (truthful) profile. Include your hobbies and interests to ensure your match has something to talk to you about and don’t be afraid to make the first move if someone catches your eye.

For a shy gal, it may seem easy to text and message someone before meeting up with them. While texting can be fun and flirty, don’t fall into the trap of hiding behind your phone – you didn’t start this journey to find a pen pal!

Make sure you’re organising and attending dates. If you’re feel especially nervous about getting out there use the date as an excuse to go to an event, bar or restaurant you’ve wanted to go to. It’ll make the experience more exciting. Also make sure that you’re always choosing a safe venue, let your friends know where you’re headed and if you feel uncomfortable at any point, make an excuse and leave.

Be yourself

While you might want to put a barrier up and pretend to be someone more confident, this won’t work in the long run.

If you’re seeing someone regularly, you need to embrace your shy ways and believe in yourself. Your date will like you if you’re authentic and genuine and it helps avoid any awkward conversations down the track.

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If you like someone, let them know

 The dating game can be perilous: who should text first, how long should you wait to contact someone after a date, how cool should you play it?

Stop it.

If you like someone, let them know. If you don’t, also let them know (in a polite way). You won’t meet your match if you’re too busy calculating when they last text you and how long you need to wait to text them. As they say, fortune (and love) favours the brave.

Also read: A dating guide for shy guys.

Do you have thoughts you’d like to share? Let us know in the comments below or join the conversation on FacebookTwitter & Instagram. And if you are ready to narrow down the world of possibilities, sign up to eharmony today- find someone made for you.

If this article gave you the confidence to find your match, try eharmony today!

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