Personality vs Looks
I’ve got a friend who is blessed with a keen intelligence but by his own admission would never win a beauty contest. In the pre-online dating world his romantic life had its limitations, because he was always judged on his looks first. His opportunities to deploy his wit and wisdom in the game of seduction were rare because too often women deemed him unattractive at first glance.
Online dating changed his life. He found that he was able to chat to women who were attracted to what he had to say rather than what he looked like, which never happened when competing with more-handsome men in a bar full of strangers or a crowded party. His profile photos showed a man with an intelligent face and a big smile, but more importantly his words gave an insight into his character, which is delightful. Online dating led him to his wife, and the couple now have two children. A site like eharmony that emphasises communication and compatibility is a godsend for people like my friend, because looks are secondary to personality. And while we live in an age where there’s so much pressure from social media and marketing messaging that emphasises a goal of looking perfect, the reality is that in the pursuit of love people all over the world and in different cultures value personality over looks.
A 20-country study by international market research and data analytics firm YouGov found that almost universally (there was one exception) both men and women chose personality as their top priority when looking for a partner. Only in Vietnam did a higher percentage of men placed looks above personality as their top priority when looking for a mate. Australia was included in that survey and both men (42%) and women (49%) rated personality as the No.1 factor in their choice of partner. The rest were roughly evenly divided in choosing either looks, intelligence, sense of humour, shared interests or wealth as their top priority.
Deep down people know that attraction to beauty is a temporary flame. What lasts is a personal connection that grows over time and insulates a relationship from the inevitable challenges that will test it. That’s why eharmony’s approach is to encourage members to provide information about themselves that will allow its Compatibility Matching System to do their work and find matches with people with similar interests. By asking a lot of questions about who you are, what you like and don’t like, what are your values and the type of person you want to share your life with, will help match you to people with whom there is a higher possibility of forming lasting relationships.
A person’s physical attributes are only part of the equation, and for more than 35 years eharmony have been researching what makes couples work. The result of all this research is a clear, accurate picture of compatibility and what sparks attraction between two people. It is similarities, not differences – or looks -that help predict a more satisfying, happier long- term relationship.
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