The third date: what to expect and why it matters
You’re beyond the trepidation of the first date and the chit-chat of the second. Date number three is where the magic might happen.
What does it mean when you find yourself on a third date with someone you really fancy? As a rule, the first date is all about the basics. Both of you are nervous, you’re trying to put your best foot forward, all the while well aware that first impressions are lasting impressions.
The second date is still tentative because, even though you evidently liked each other enough to say, “Let’s do this again”, you’re still scoping out who the other person is.
But the third date can be the clincher. You’re circling with a bit more focus now, a coffee in a cafe during the day may well have moved on to dinner in a restaurant. There might even be wine involved. And the possibility of intimacy is definitely in the air.
Psychologist and relationship strategist Melanie Schilling says, “Your online communication and first two dates are often all about assessing your date on a reasonably superficial level. Do your lifestyles align? Do you share similar interests? Would your friends get along? By date three, you are ready to delve deeper and ask more serious questions.”
During third date conversation, hopefully you’ll discover you share similar values and hopes for the future. You’ll be better informed as to whether or not your respective personalities are compatible for a long-term relationship.
And then there’s sex. If you liked each other on the first date, you may have kissed. You probably kissed more on the second date. But there may be expectations that by the third date, you’re ready to move to, well, third base and beyond.
While Schilling doesn’t abide by any rules when it comes to intimacy, she does recommend you ask yourself some questions in the lead-up to the third date.
- Do I feel comfortable to be myself with him/her?
- Am I starting to build trust?
- If we had sex and I never heard from them again, how would I feel?
- How do I expect sex to change our relationship?
Basically, know your boundaries, stay safe emotionally and physically, and most of all, try to have some fun.
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