When you’re feeling negative about dating
Dating can be exhilarating. There are new people to meet, first kisses to be had, and the possibility of one day falling in love.
But dating can also be scary. After all, it takes courage to meet a new person for the very first time, and it takes a certain degree of emotional resilience. There is the potential for romance and sex and excitement, but there is also the potential for disappointment and rejection.
A Self-fulfilling prophecy
Most of us feel good about dating when things are going well. But when things aren’t going well, it’s easy to become negative. A couple of uninspiring dates, or a rejection from someone we really like, and suddenly we’re dreading the next date, and being hypercritical of all we meet.
A negative state of mind is bad for your dating life as it can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more negative you feel, the less likely you are to enjoy meeting new people, and so your negative attitude is reinforced. So how can you conquer fear and a negative mindset to give yourself the best chance of dating success?
Be selective about who you meet. Have good vetting practices when online dating. Don’t think of dating as a numbers game, where you need to meet as many people as possible to find The One. There is no point in spending time with people you know you won’t be attracted to. Only meet people you are genuinely excited to meet.
Keep your expectations low on the first date. If you go into dates aiming to find your next life partner, you may be disappointed. Instead, aim simply to have a nice time with some decent conversation. If you have a brilliant time, and want to see the person again, then you’ve exceeded your hopes. If not, then you’ve spent a pleasant hour and haven’t lost anything.
Challenge yourself to find something interesting about every person you meet. You may not want to spend your life with them – you may not even want to see them again! – but at least you’ll come away from the date with an interesting anecdote.
Remind yourself that everyone gets rejected sometimes. Sure, rejection isn’t fun, but it doesn’t mean that you don’t have value as a person and it doesn’t mean you are not attractive. It simply means that you didn’t resonate with that particular individual. It’s fine to be disappointed by a rejection from someone you like, but don’t be crushed.
Keep your standards high. Value yourself and your time. Always remember that you deserve to be treated well, and that you deserve the relationship you want. If someone doesn’t ring your bells, or if they do ring your bells, but aren’t offering you want you’re looking for, then it’s time to move on.
If you are feeling fragile, or if you are feeling hopeless about dating, take some time out from dating and focus on yourself. Do things you enjoy and spend time with people who nurture you. You need to be okay in yourself before you can be okay with online dating. The happier you are, the happier your dating experiences will be.
Do you have thoughts you’d like to share? Let us know in the comments below or join the conversation on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram. And if you are ready to narrow down the world of possibilities, sign up to eharmony today- find someone made for you.
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