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Sure signs you’re with the wrong person

by Eharmony Editorial Team - November 16, 2009

Is there a voice inside you that you just can’t keep quiet? Learn how to determine whether your doubts are normal or something more serious.

Have you got a nagging feeling inside of you that you’re with the wrong person? Does your current relationship fail to measure up to what you had dreamed of? While doubts can creep into even the happiest of relationships, sometimes they can indicate that something just isn’t right. Here are the eight signs that you are with the wrong person.

1. You don’t feel happy

It may sound obvious, but someone who is dating the right person for them will feel an overriding sense of happiness. Of course, no relationship is entirely blissful and there will always be the odd argument, but if you are finding yourself unhappy much of the time – especially when you’re with your partner – then it’s pretty certain that this person isn’t right for you.

2: You have no self esteem

As well as feeling happy, the right partner should make you feel good about yourself. They won’t wipe away all doubts and insecurities in your life but when you are with your partner, your self esteem should be at its best. So, if they trample on your confidence and exacerbate your self-doubts, it’s a sure sign that this relationship is a damaging one. The right person for you should affirm and celebrate the great things about you, not crush your self-worth and stifle your ability to grow.

3. Your friends and family keep telling you something’s not right

If your closest family and friends wax lyrical about your partner and encourage your relationship, it’s a good sign that you belong together. But if they constantly drop hints or beg you to get shot of them, you should probably heed their advice. Be aware though, that sometimes the people close to you may choose someone for you who is a great person but not necessarily a good match for you. If the people you trust most in the world are urging you to get out of a relationship, however, then they are probably doing so for good reason and you owe it to yourself to listen to them.

4. You find your mind wandering to someone else

Your doubts might not be down to a character flaw in your partner. If you are seeing one person but constantly thinking about another, that’s a clear sign that your current relationship isn’t right.

5. You are in denial

Look at your relationship carefully. We have probably all at some stage convinced ourselves something is right when we know deep down it is wrong. Don’t allow yourself to get stuck in this trap. Perhaps you don’t want to believe something negative about your partner or admit that all you ever do is argue. Whatever the real reason, if you are working hard to deny problems within your relationship, it is likely you are with the wrong person.

6. The cons outweigh the pros

Consider all aspects of your relationship and draw up a list of what you like about it and what you don’t. It might be that the good points trump the bad but if it’s the other way around, let logic be your guide and end the relationship.

7. Your instincts are telling you to get out

You should never stifle the voice in your head – it’s rarely wrong. That voice may be telling you that you have found your soul mate or that a new relationship is worth pursuing. But if it’s whispering (or screaming) that your relationship is wrong, give that voice free reign. It will probably direct you to a conclusion you have already reached.

8. You already know the truth

Perhaps you still haven’t reached a conclusion at all and don’t know whether the person you are seeing is right for you. In that case, it might be best to continue the relationship and explore its full potential before making any further decision. But if you have established that you should not be in a relationship with your partner, be brave and end the relationship now. Find someone who treats you like you need to be treated, boosts your confidence and makes you happy. When you find them, you’ll know deep down that they’re worth keeping hold of.