A man sits on the end of a bed with his head in his hands, his partner in the background

7 things that can kill your sex drive

by Eharmony Editorial Team - September 28, 2012

Is your lack of sex drive affecting your relationship? Or maybe you've been wondering why your partner has been less than amorous recently? The answer could lie here...

Sex is an important part of a loving relationship. It’s not the be all and end all, but when sex is missing from a relationship, it’s noticeable for both partners. There are lots of things that can lead to you or your partner losing your mojo, and here we explore 7 of them.

Above all,  remember that most of the time lack of sex drive is a small blip and is nearly always something that can be resolved, with a little work from both partners.

1.       Stress

Stress at home or work can seriously hamper your desire to have sex. Just as anxiety can stop you sleeping, when you’re stressed sex will be the last thing on your mind. If this sounds like you, remember that sex can be a great de-stresser. Clear some time in your diary for you and your partner and really focus on relaxation. Take a bath, burn some candles, drink some wine; do whatever helps you and your partner relax, and then see where it takes you.

2.       Tiredness

If you get into bed and drop straight to sleep, it’s clearly a passion killer. In our busy world, quality sleep is a rare and precious commodity, and will often be prized above passion. Tiredness is a tricky thing to tackle, but by promising yourself you’ll go to bed early at least twice a week – turning off the TV, mobile phones and computers by 9pm – you’ll start to replenish your reserves, and you might even find more things to do in bed than sleep.

3.       Routine

Most couples fall into a routine with their lovemaking at some point. After all, once you know what works for you, why do anything different? Well, if you want to keep the spark alive, you should mix it up every now and then. We’re not talking ‘50 Shades of Grey’ stuff here; just a few small changes can make a big difference. Maybe you need to spend a bit more time on foreplay, or try a different position. The unknown can be very exciting!

4.       Booze

A couple of glasses of wine in an evening can work wonders for your feelings of relaxation and subsequently your feelings of passion. Unfortunately finishing off the whole bottle can leave you either sleepy, lacking lust or just plain inept. There are also the longer term effects of booze to consider; heavy drinking can cause fertility issues for both men and women.

5.       Depression

Many people who are depressed have a problem with their libido. If this sounds like you or your partner, talk to your GP and discuss options. There is more help than ever out there for people with depression and that does not necessarily mean taking drugs.

6.       Mistrust in your relationship

A break of trust in a relationship may consciously or subconsciously cause the person who has been wronged to lose interest in sex. If you have broken your partner’s trust then you need to give them time, and take steps to try and build that trust back up. Equally, if you are the person who has had their trust broken,  and you have chosen to stay and make the relationship work, you need to work back towards normality.

7.       Contraception

If you’re female, and you’ve noticed a distinct lack of sex drive since you started taking the pill, or taking a new pill, then you might want to chat to your doctor. The pill obviously affects your hormones and one side effect can be lack of sex drive. However, in some cases, it can lead to increased sex drive – it varies person by person.  Your doctor will be able to suggest a different pill, or potentially even a different form of contraception altogether.