Single friends

How to treat your single friends when you’re in a relationship

by Charly Lester - October 26, 2016

When you’re happily coupled up, it can be tough to remember how hard being single can be. So, on behalf of all singles, Charly Lester has penned an open letter to her non-single friends

To my non-single friends,

I know you love me dearly. We’ve been friends since school, university, from work or from travelling. We’ve been through thick and thin together. I’ve been your bridesmaid. Aunty and Godmother to your children. And I love you too.

I know you want to involve me in your lives, to invite me to dinner parties and celebrate those big life moments with you. But I think we need to set some ground rules…

For a start, if you want me to be your ‘friend’ on social media, we need to stop with all the OTT statuses. I know you love your spouse and I don’t need to see seven consecutive days of photos to prove it. I’m delighted that you found love, but you don’t need to illustrate it with couple selfie after couple selfie. Love isn’t about a gushy, over-the-top Facebook status or a pastel-coloured quote on Instagram.

Don’t worry; I won’t assume you’re getting a divorce just because you don’t talk about your partner on social media every day.

I love your dinner parties, but please don’t make me the only single person there. There’s nothing more awkward than perching at the end of the table, surrounded by pairs and feeling like I’m missing a partner of my own.

That said; please stop setting me up with people that you know I have nothing in common with, other than the fact we’re both single! I know it’s been forever since you were in my position, but surely you still remember what ‘eligible’ is? As a rule, if you don’t fancy them, then I probably won’t either!

At weddings, please don’t seat me alone on the singles table, making me feel like a distant stranger. Let me sit with our friends, regardless of their relationship statuses – just don’t make me the odd number at the end of the table! And please don’t force me to catch the bloomin’ bouquet in front of everyone!

At your baby showers, remember that there’s someone in the room that doesn’t have a husband to moan about or breast-feeding stories to share. Take a second to think about whether the conversation is relevant to everyone and, if it’s not, find a way to change the subject. There was a time when you found these conversations boring too.

I love you, and I love being part of your lives, but sometimes being single is tough enough, without having your best friends accidentally rub it in your face.

Instead, just support me. Grab a glass of wine and help me with my dating profile. Tell me honestly which photos look like me and which ones don’t. Come out to bars and social events with me and help break the ice by chatting to men I might fancy. Help me research singles events and escort me to the ones where not everyone there is single. Keep an eye out for eligible men and, if you spot them, engineer a way for me to meet them.

Be my friend. Talk about the things that helped form our friendship in the first place; our lives away from partners and children. Yes, I’m happy to talk about those things too, but remember what we used to talk about before you settled down? My life is still like that.


Your Single Friend