5 ways people single-shame singles

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single-shame

If you’ve ever been single for a long period of time, chances are you’ve experienced the acute pain of being single-shamed. Let’s get one thing straight: despite what pop culture might tell us, being single isn’t a curse. It isn’t a handicap. It’s an opportunity to deepen your relationship with the person who matters most: yourself. Now we’ve got that straight, here are five of the most common things said to singles, and what you should say instead.

“Aren’t you lonely?”

Just because you don’t have a partner in your life, doesn’t mean you sit alone and wallow. The greatest friend anyone can have is themselves, and when you’re a bit fed up with your own company, that’s when friends and family come to the rescue.

Instead: “Want to have a drink on Friday night?” If you really do have genuine concerns they might be lonely, make a plan to see them in person, but don’t assume that because they don’t have a partner, they’re lonely. Loneliness can happen to anyone – single or otherwise.

“Why are you still single?”… 

Yes, we know we’re amazing and no, we don’t get it either. But the thing is, when you say it like that, it sounds like you’re throwing a pity party and we’re the only ones on the invite list.

Instead: “You handled that presentation like a boss!” Make your single friend feel good with genuine compliments about their awesome accomplishments. And that’s it.

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“Don’t worry, you’ll find them when you least expect it.”

I can guarantee no single person is expecting their great love to walk through the door when they’re wearing jim jams watching Nashville. Spewing out cliched old phrases like that doesn’t give us hope, rather it makes us feel like we are backseat drivers in our own lives.

Instead: “When you’re ready, I’ll help you write your eHarmony profile.” Nothing about a single status will change if there’s no action to set things in motion, but sometimes you need a friend to encourage you. Be that friend.

“If you’re not careful, you’ll become too independent.”

Sorry, I didn’t realise this was a bad thing? Someone had better alert Beyonce and the rest of Destiny’s Child…

Instead: “There’s no rush.” Don’t pressure them into dating before they’re ready because sometimes after a break up, we need time to heal. Instead, be the supportive friend they need.

“I thought you wouldn’t want to come because it’s just couples…”

Newsflash: you’re not friends with someone based on their relationship status (I hope!). You’re friends because they add value to your life. And wouldn’t you want that value at your dinner party? Obviously in some cases it’s not possible to invite all your friends, but if you’re not inviting someone just because they’re single, it’s rude.

Instead: “Hey, want to come to a dinner party I’m throwing on Saturday night? It’s all couples, but it will be fun!” This way, they can choose whether or not they want to be in a situation where they’ll be the only single person.

Have you been single-shamed? Let us know in the comments below or join the conversation on FacebookTwitter & Instagram. And if you are ready to narrow down the world of possibilities, sign up to eharmony today- find someone made for you.

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