Get over a break-up: 5 proven ways to exit Splitsville
If there’s one thing that truly connects us all in the dating trenches, it’s that we’ve probably taken a trip (or two, or three) to Splitsville at some point. You know, that dark place where you embrace bed-head, survive on comfort food and play Somebody That I Used To Know on repeat until your neighbours stage an intervention.
And it’ll probably come as no surprise that the big question most advice columnists get is: HOW? ‘How can I get over a break-up?’ ‘How can I hurry through this awful phase and feel better?’ ‘How will I ever forget about him/her?’ ‘How can I arrange to have my ex fall under a bus?’ (Ok, those last ones I obviously report to the authorities.) But seriously, it’s a common question. And if the bajillion letters I get on my site LetterToMyEx.com are anything to go by, no one wants to be weeping along to break-up songs or putting sad messages on baked goods for any longer than they absolutely have to.
So here are the five things I think you need to do that’ll make the difference between bouncing back faster – or hiding under your duvet for the next three months.
1. Don’t fight it
Heartbreak sucks, but all that pain is a necessary process, and the sooner you embrace the wallow in all its unattractive, snot-nosed glory, the closer you’ll be to getting out of bed and getting the hell back into the game. Of course, I’m not advocating wallowing for years. If you suspect (or your friends or family do) that your wallowing is turning into clinical depression, seek help.
2. Stay off social media
Repeat after me: Google and Facebook are NOT your friend at a time like this. According to a poll by Your Tango, a whopping 74 percent of people have looked up an ex online, and 48 percent say they look at their ex’s FB page or other social media profile too often. Seriously, funny cat videos are preferable to sobbing over photos of your ex with a new flame.
3. Get rid of the stuff
I kept my ex’s t-shirt in bed with me for weeks after we split. It gave me comfort at the time, but looking back I would’ve been better off burning that sucker along with all his stupid computer games and bad spy novels. My point is, box up all the stuff that reminds you of the person and give it back, give it away or otherwise get it out of your sight.
4. Don’t romanticize
It’s tempting to re-write history when you split with someone and focus only on all the things you miss. Don’t. Facing up to the truth about your relationship and why it didn’t work is crucial in moving on. If you need to, write it all down or see a counsellor to help steer you through this process. It’ll not only help you move on faster, but it’s an essential learning process in figuring out a) what you want next time around b) what you absolutely won’t put up with ever again.
5. Don’t have ex sex
Kid yourself that it’s closure, that it’ll make you feel better or that it’s just ‘this one time’ – but the truth is, it’ll probably go on to make you feel lousy. I’m not against a no-strings fling if you’re feeling up to it, but for the sake of your smashed little old heart, leave the ex in the ‘don’t go there’ box where he/she belongs.
What’s your top tip for getting over a break-up? Let us know in the comments below or join the conversation on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram. And if you are ready to narrow down the world of possibilities, sign up to eharmony today- find someone made for you.
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