7 first-date turn-offs for men
Dating is like fishing. You need to prepare well, use the right equipment, be alert. Some knowledge about your target’s feeding habits and behavioural tendencies is beneficial. But all the preparation in the world will get you nowhere if, having maneuvered yourself into the strike zone, you spook your quarry. There won’t be another chance to catch that fish.
It’s the same with men. While we are voracious feeders and usually take a variety of baits, there are some things women do on first dates that will have us swimming to the sanctuary of the nearest snag from where we are impossible to budge. If you want a second date with destiny, DON’T do these things on the first date:
Bring a friend along
No, seriously. This happened to me once. Someone I asked out brought along her office buddy – a man. “I hope you don’t mind,” she smiled sweetly when she turned up with her security blanket. No I didn’t mind at all, because it meant I didn’t have to waste any more time on her. I don’t know what else to say about it. Just don’t do it, or don’t go if you feel you need someone along riding shotgun.
Almost as bad is running into your friends while out on date and inviting them to join in. It is just rude to turn a one-on-one into a girls’ night out. Besides, you run the risk that the man will take a shine to one of your mates instead of you. Either way, you won’t be asked out again.
It’s a date. You’re trying to get to know a little about each other. You have to speak. Sure, there are men who just want to talk about themselves all night – feel free to let them ramble on then vow never to see them again – but normal men, the ones you want to have a second date with, want to hear what you have to say for yourself. They want to hear your lovely voice, be enchanted by your conversation and seduced by your witty banter. It is hard work having a night out with someone who is reluctant to contribute to the small talk.
If it doesn’t come naturally to you, prepare beforehand. Write down some topics and think about what you might say about them. You can’t rely on just sitting there looking beguiling. Most men will take a lack of conversation as a lack of interest, so work on your gift of the gab.
Talk about your ex-boyfriend/s
You might think it’s something we want to hear, that your last lover was a jerk, but all that does is make us imagine you having sex with another man. Not a good start. Your sex life is a private thing. Keep it that way. Don’t reveal anything about your past romantic exploits even if asked by your date, although that in itself would be creepy. If a man thinks you’re a little too hung up about the bloke who dumped you before him, you’ll be lucky if you get a second bite of that cherry.
Turn up plastered
A girl once threw up in my lap in the back of a cab on a first date. It wasn’t an endearing incident.
A glass of wine to calm your nerves is fine. A bottle is not. People are rarely as funny or interesting as they think they are when they are hammered, and turning up for any date, let alone a first one, just shows a lack of respect. By all means knock back a few with gusto together if that’s what you both feel like doing, but getting too big a head-start just means the night will probably end early and you’ve blown your chance.
You’re going on a date. It’s a special occasion. Even if it’s just for a coffee, you need to dress like you mean business. Turning up in your paint-spattered dungarees after a morning’s renovations is not showing off your earthy side. It’s showing you don’t care. He won’t either.
Expect him to pay
He probably will anyway if he is keen, but don’t count on it. Offer to split the bill, or to really show you are an independent woman pick up the tab yourself. It is a very sexy trait. What is an absolute 100 percent turn-off is a person who just sits there and expects the man to pay, and doesn’t even offer to contribute. If you agree to go on a date, be sure you are going somewhere you can afford. If you aren’t in a position to split the bill, or feel it is out of your price range, say so beforehand. A nice guy will either assure you he will pay, or change the venue so you are more comfortable.
Forget your manners
If you eat like a slob, interrupt all the time when your date is telling you something, make racist jokes, be rude to the waiter, chuck grapes at your friend you’ve just spotted across the restaurant, stare at your phone waiting for the next Facebook post, turn up late, cut the date short because you’ve got another commitment or swear too much … good luck getting a second date.
You’ve got a small window of opportunity to create a good impression, so behave appropriately and considerately. You can always reveal your dark side later when you’ve got your man well and truly hooked.
What are your first date turn-offs? Let us know in the comments below or join the conversation on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram. And if you are ready to narrow down the world of possibilities, sign up to eharmony today- find someone made for you.
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