man looks in the mirror as a symbol of an egoist

7 signs you’re an egotist

by Fran Creffield - July 16, 2013

Are you ruled by your ego? And is it getting in the way of your love life? Here are the 7 signs that you need to look out for.

Egotism is the term used to describe someone who has a strong drive to enhance and maintain favourable views of themselves. Egotists are often conceited and boastful and the majority of their conversation will evolve around their accomplishments and achievements.

Recognising that you’re an egotist is the first step to stop it hindering your success in the dating world. Here are 7 signs to look out for:

 1. Low self-esteem

Do you feel insecure but try to cover it up by appearing more confident or competent than you really believe you are? Do you worry that if you don’t work hard to keep up appearances you’ll be exposed as a fraud and rejected?

Keeping up a perfect image can be exhausting. You may discover that people like and accept you much more when you allow yourself to be human and fallible like the rest of us.

2. Fantasy world

Do you spend a lot of time thinking about the great things you’re going to achieve in the future? Are your plans grounded in reality or are they elaborate stories you construct to impress other people? In your heart do you suspect that they probably won’t come to anything?

Having grandiose plans might help you get dates but they won’t help you to establish a healthy and lasting relationship.

Do you embellish every story you tell to make it more impressive? Do you lie about things to make yourself seem more interesting? Telling big stories is often a way of hiding what might otherwise seem like a small life.

Try and have one day where you tell the whole truth – with no frills – you might be surprised to find your life, and stories, are interesting as they are without embellishment.

3. Attention

Wanting to be the centre of attention in all situations is a sure sign of egotism. Do you struggle when you’re not in the limelight or do you always end up doing something to draw attention to yourself in social situations?

Next time you get a chance let someone else have the limelight and see how you feel.

4. Superiority

Feeling like you’re better, more competent, more attractive, more intelligent, or better dressed than other people is usually a sign that you’re compulsively comparing yourself with others.

Don’t compare yourself with anyone except yourself. Think about how far you’ve come in the last year, five years, ten years etc. Think of your own accomplishments and successes and use that as the yardstick for feeling good about yourself.

5. Selfishness

An egotist often has a hard time acknowledging other people’s needs or feelings. If you’re self-centred in this way you may believe that you’re entitled to get your own way and other people are responsible for your happiness.

The best way to counteract habitual selfishness is to practice putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and seeing the world from their point of view.

6. Sensitivity

Often a big, grandiose façade is a guise for a sensitive soul who cares passionately about other people’s opinion of them. Any perceived rejection, criticism or competition will be taken to heart and can be enough to ruin what otherwise would be a good event or relationship.

The only opinion that really counts is the one you have of yourself. The work that needs doing is not on the outside but on the inside.

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7. Control

An egotist often feels like they know exactly how things should be done and how people should behave. When things don’t go their way they’re likely to become angry and defensive particularly if they come up against someone else who also wants to run the show. Attempts to control are often attempts to feel safe. Once again the answer lies in strengthening your inner resources rather that controlling external circumstances. Being an egotist doesn’t mean you’re a bad person just that you haven’t developed tools that enable you to see other people as equal. When you do, all your relationships will improve.

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