Are you being given the brush off?



Not everyone who gives you a reason why they can’t see you will be giving you the brush off. Sometimes there are genuine reasons which are usually followed by an attempt to rectify the situation. You will get the feeling that the person does want to see you and will do all they can to remove any obstacles that are in the way.

When someone is giving you the brush off there seems to be one obstacle after another preventing them from arranging a date and you may feel like you are putting in all the effort. People make excuses because they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings by telling them that they are not interested. By trying to avoid hurt they often cause confusion and waste time you could have spent looking for a more suitable match.

Common brush-off lines include:

I’m not ready for a relationship

If someone says this to you the best thing you can do is take the hint and find someone who is ready for a relationship. Whatever you do, don’t try and persuade them to change their mind or say that you will wait around until they are ‘ready’, this will only make you come across as desperate and needy. If they change their mind they can come and find you.

I’m still in love with my ex

Sometimes going on a date with someone new will make people realise that they still have feelings for their ex so it could be a valid reason. Even if it isn’t and they go on to date other people, take the hint and let go immediately. If someone says this to you they don’t want a relationship with you.

It’s not you it’s me

When someone says this they are trying to protect you from feeling in any way responsible for their decision to discontinue contact. It can leave you feeling confused and wondering if it is worth hanging around and waiting for them to sort out their issues – it isn’t. You can’t put your life on hold in the vain hope that they might sort themselves out. What someone means when they say this is ‘I don’t want to see you any more and there is absolutely nothing you can do, or say, to change my mind.’

I prefer to get to know you online

Meeting someone face to face makes many people nervous and they may feel more comfortable hiding behind their computer screen. The problem arises when you have been chatting online for weeks or months but are still no closer to hooking up. Often people who avoid meeting have something to hide and little intention of forming a real life relationship. Even if progress is very slow you should feel that your online communication is moving towards a face to face encounter.

I am busy

If someone is so busy they can’t reply to messages, take your calls or arrange a convenient time for a date, the chances are they are going to be too busy to form a relationship with you. If someone is constantly unavailable get busy yourself looking for a more available match.

Valid reasons crop up all the time that prevent people from being able to make a date or return a message. The key skill is in being able to tell the difference between a reason and an excuse. Remember when someone gives you a reason it is usually followed by a sincere desire to right the situation. When someone is giving you the brush off it is just one excuse after another with no solution in sight. Learning to tell the difference between the two could save you a lot of wasted time and effort.

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