Are your relationship deal breakers stopping you from finding ‘the one’?
While it’s healthy to have some idea of the type of person you’re looking for, having too many ‘superficial’ deal breakers can really hurt your chances of finding that special someone. So what deal breakers are actually helpful to have, and which ones not so much?
Australia’s top deal breakers
According to eHarmony’s Relationship Study, Aussies cite poor lifestyle habits and choices, lack of compatibility, and baggage from past relationships as the three biggest relationship deal breakers. The top turn-offs within these categories for both women and men include drug or alcohol dependence, poor personal hygiene, and possessive or jealous behaviour.
These examples are all perfectly reasonable deal breakers as they are issues that could easily hinder the development of a healthy relationship. But overall, deal breakers can vary from person to person. For some, it could mean incompatibility in terms of having different hobbies, while others might hold onto lists of physical requirements such as height, attractiveness, body shape, hair colour, and so on.
Know yourself first
The problem isn’t having deal breakers, but rather that too many of us have no idea what it is we actually want and need – which is why finding that ‘perfect’ someone is so hard! The key is to get to know yourself before you try to get to know someone else. This means defining your core values and beliefs. No matter how many requirements you put on your list of ‘must haves’, nothing is as important as finding someone who shares your core values.
A lesson in values
These are personal key values and beliefs such as religion, family goals, and ambition. They affect all aspects of your life and how you relate to the world around you. Things like how you deal with money, the importance you place on honesty and fidelity, whether you want children, and your career goals are all major individual qualities that will affect your relationship. When we truly understand ourselves and our core values, we have a solid understanding of the type of person we’re looking for and can develop a list of our own realistic deal-breakers.
Let go of Prince Charming
Remember: the person you’re truly compatible with can very likely come in a physical package that you wouldn’t normally think to approach at a bar or party. So forget about that list of superficial deal breakers and start thinking about who you are and what is truly important to you.
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