Dating for men vs. dating for women
We asked one man and one woman the same questions about love and dating, and their answers couldn’t be more different! Meet Beau Ushay from AskMen and dating blogger Harriet Farkash in this special ‘He said, She said’ edition.
What’s a profile photo that will always get a response from you?
Beau: A photo that includes a member of the opposite sex. Without an explanation, we’re instantly going to assume it’s a former partner and start comparing ourselves to them. Yes, even if it is your brother!
Harriet: One with puppies! Any photo with an animal makes him seem sweet and caring, and can also act as a great conversation starter.
What’s the biggest dating dilemma you face?
Beau: Fear. Men can get so caught up in worrying about what she’ll say, what she’ll think, what other people will think, that she’ll say no. They get so consumed by the negatives in a situation that they are defeated before they even start. I think men need to realise that women are just as frustrated and scared by the whole dating process as they are and that even a simple ‘hello’ can make a world of difference.
Harriet: Censoring ourselves. Us women have such a tough time trying to make sure we’re approachable but not a ‘floozy’, that we are mysterious, but not rude, and that we show enough interest so he knows we’re keen, but not too much that he assumes we’re desperate! Gosh it’s exhausting. At the end of the day, all you can be is yourself.
How long does it take you to get ready for a date?
Beau: Well, it depends on what the date involves. Usually, a first date will be a drink after work so I’ll just freshen up before I leave the office. If it’s a weekend date, I’ll make sure my outfit is clean, ironed and appropriate for the location and make sure the hair is wrestled into place. So really, as long as it takes to make sure the clothes are looking good and the grooming ritual is complete!
Harriet: Anywhere from 15 minutes up to an hour. I like to keep my make-up quite natural, but if it’s a Saturday night and we are going somewhere fancy, I’ll do my hair. Then I usually have some sort of outfit crisis and then finally, after I put on what I tried on first, I spend a few minutes doing last minute things like adding jewellery, spritzing perfume, applying moisturiser to my legs and looking for my keys and phone…
How do you judge if a date went well?
Beau: I think the best way to tell is in the conversation. If it flows throughout and comes naturally, you know it’s been good for you both. If you lose track of time, that’s usually a good sign, too. Also, if you’re only meeting in-person for the first time, I think you get the impression of how it’s going to go right from the first time you see them. That’s why I encourage all guys to make sure they’re groomed and showing their best possible self. The thing about first impressions is you only get to make one!
Harriet: There are a few clues… firstly, how comfortable I feel. If I feel comfortable, chances are he does too and we’re ‘clicking’. Secondly, if he tee’s up a second date while on the first date! And thirdly, if he texts after the date, like when he’s in the cab on the way home to say thank you or that he had a great night. Boom!
Any post-date rituals?
Beau: I think a short text either that night or first thing the next morning is a good idea. If it went well, tell them. If you don’t plan on seeing them again, I usually say that in the politest possible way, too. You don’t want to be left hanging on what she thought, so you shouldn’t do it either!
Harriet: Is it bad to say that I call my best friend and give her a minute by minute account of how the night went down?! Other than that, I would say my only other rituals are taking off my heels and tieing up my hair!
When do you think is appropriate timing to call them your ‘girlfriend’ or ‘boyfriend’?
Beau: Ha, the girlfriend conundrum! I don’t think there’s a finite amount of time that determines this for everyone, but I always think about it in relation to invitations. If someone invites you to a party or occasion where there is a plus one and the first person you think of is them, I’d say you’re officially dating!
Harriet: This is such a tough question because women don’t always get to call the shots on this – it tends to be the man who asks us if we would like to be his girlfriend… not that there’s anything wrong with a girl doing the asking! In fact, I encourage it. I would say though if things have gotten to a stage where you feel things should be official and he is refusing to commit, you should ask yourself whether this is the right relationship for you. You want someone who is excited to call you their girlfriend!
Best qualities a man/woman can have?
Beau: This will always be different for everyone, but I always feel that if a woman is comfortable in her own skin, it’s a remarkably attractive quality to have. If they’re willing to ignore what other people think, then they’re also more than likely to love you for who you are. I also think being passionate about something is key. Whether it’s gardening, ballroom dancing or scuba diving, having something they love, that they can share with you is one of the great things about being in a relationship.
Harriet: I always think a man can look like George Clooney, have more power than a Fortune 500 CEO and get about in a private jet, but all of that means nothing without two basic things: kindness and self confidence. The first because I think any long term relationship needs kindness from both parties to last. And the second because I think someone who is truly happy in their skin will treat you well and allow you to be your best self.
What’s one thing that really confuses you about the opposite sex?
Beau: Women are amazingly complex creatures and I think that’s what we as men love about them so much. So I wouldn’t say there’s anything which ‘confuses’ me about women, but there is plenty that mystifies me, plenty of nuances that I’ll never completely understand. And I’m definitely ok with that.
Harriet: I will never understand why men just ‘disappear’ after a few dates. You know, those guys who you’ve been seeing for a couple of weeks and who then just vanish into thin air, never to be heard from again. How hard is it to send a text, “Hey, it was great to meet you and I did have a great time, but I think we’d be better as friends.” We all know what that means, but at least he’s let you go without you wondering whether you should send him another text to check if he got the last one.
What’s one thing you wish the opposite sex knew when it comes to love and dating?
Beau: One thing I wish women knew is that sometimes, guys just don’t feel like communicating. Just because he isn’t opening up to you doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, he might just not want to discuss his day or how he feels. Sometimes, guys really are thinking of nothing!
Harriet: Our feelings get more hurt by you ghosting than by you being honest and upfront! Tell us the truth – we can handle it, we appreciate it and we respect it.
What’s something you wish the opposite sex knew about dating? Let us know in the comments below or join the conversation on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram. And if you are ready to narrow down the world of possibilities, sign up to eharmony today- find someone made for you.
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