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How to know if you can trust someone

by Fran Creffield - June 10, 2013

When you’re chatting with a match online you must feel like you can trust them before you arrange to meet up. But how do you know who to trust and who to steer clear of?

Trust is an essential component in every stage of the dating process. If you can’t rely on yourself to figure out who to trust, you may find yourself playing too safe and missing out on opportunities to meet really genuine people.

Here are the top 10 suggestions to help you know when you have the trust green light and when it’s a no-go red.


Trust a match who:

– seems open and honest on their profile.

– consistently answers messages fully and remembers things you have told them previously.

– appears to be modest and down to earth.

– is willing to tell you more about things on their profile when asked.

– is consistent and attentive – you shouldn’t have to fight for someone’s attention.

– makes your intuition give a thumbs up – learn to trust your gut instinct, it is often picking up on things you might not be aware of.

– wants to meet in a public place, this is important for both your safety.

– is respectful, polite and considerate, letting you take your time until you are ready to meet up.

– is happy to continue talking on eHarmony for as long as you want to.

– leaves you with a good feeling when you have had contact with them.


Don’t trust a match who:

– asks you for money.

– asks you for personal details e.g. address or workplace, before you have even met.

– puts pressure on you to meet before you are ready.

– asks lots of intimate questions about you but reveals little about themselves.

– seems overly interested in whether you have children.

– is inconsistent in their responses .

– shows discrepancies in what they tell you.

– is very grandiose, showy or boastful without any evidence to support their claims – if it all sounds too good to be true it probably is.

– makes you feel uneasy even if you can’t quite explain why.

– is rude, insulting or overly sensitive and you find yourself feeling responsible for their feelings.

These are just guidelines, which you can add to as you go along. Your intuition is one of the most responsive senses you have and if you ‘feel’ something is not quite right, trust that feeling.

Often when people end a relationship because their partner turns out to be untrustworthy they look back and see the signs were there at the beginning, but they ignored them.

Learn to trust yourself

Even if your intuition is warning you off because you’ve been hurt in the past rather than because of anything a match is doing, you should still take notice of it. Maybe you aren’t quite ready to move on because you haven’t fully healed from a previous relationship. While it can be good to rise above your fears, do talk about your mistrust to a close friend rather than just pretend it isn’t there.

The more you do this the more you will come to believe that you can trust yourself again because you’re checking things out with someone else and not ignoring problems in the hope that they will go away.

We teach people how to treat us. You can trust anyone if you can trust yourself. Trusting yourself means that if someone gives you reason not to trust them, you will not compromise yourself or over-ride your better judgement for the sake of romance.

Having strong boundaries does not mean that you won’t let anyone in, just that you will vet them thoroughly before you do and take the time to listen to your instincts.