How to lose a girl in 10 days
By Brooke Falvey
We’re excited to bring you the first of a new series: The Single Girl’s Guide to Dating, by Brooke Falvey. Following on from her Single in the City debut, Brooke will be sharing her dating adventures in a new fortnightly series, with tips and laughs along the way.
Most of us have watched Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey battle in the hit rom-com ‘How to Lose A Guy in 10 days’ and we laughed (oh how we laughed) as Hudson’s character Andie Anderson deliberately sets out to make the classic mistakes some women make when they enter a new relationship.
If you haven’t seen the movie, you should, but here are the highlights: she rapidly moves her things into (and redecorates) his apartment, acts overly possessive and sensitive at all times, ruins boys’ poker night for him and his friends, and takes him to a Celine Dion concert when he was under the assumption he was going to a basketball game.
While I haven’t done any of those things, I probably have – at times – been a tad over enthusiastic about things, and wanted to text my new date frequently. But here’s the good news, ladies – we aren’t alone. Guys also have a few signature moves that can bring an abrupt end to a new romance. In a bid to make things a little easier for the fellas, I give you a guide of what not to do:
1. Forget me not
I have a friend who was seeing a guy when he called her another name, IN BED. As you can imagine, it was the first and only time they slept together. If you meet someone and you like them, write down their name, somewhere. Add in the location if that helps you remember who they are. But for the love of well … love, remember her name!
2. Don’t plan
Women like to feel special. If you ask us out, we will hope you have made some effort when it comes to what we’ll do and where we’ll go. You don’t need to have every minute accounted for – some of the best dates are fairly spontaneous but try to have a general plan. If instead, you always try to put the organisational ball back in our court, especially more than once, we’ll probably leave you to play on your own.
3. Spelling, grammar and text speak
I acknowledge that not everyone is a grammatical genius and typos happen, but if it’s blatantly clear you are just being lazy when contacting us we’ll probably lose interest. And avoid using text speak. I dated a guy who had a habit of texting me: ‘Wot u doing’, ‘y’ and ‘u no u want 2’. Seriously. Does it really take that much longer to use the correct spelling and add in a question mark?
4. Be nice
The old ‘treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen’ mindset stops working on most women once they’ve hit their mid-20s and have discovered their own worth. Being nice isn’t hard; ask how our day was, ask questions, wait until we’re inside before you drive off. Last year I dated a guy who repeatedly told me “good girls like bad boys”. I found this insulting on so many levels. Most women want to date a man who is respectful, thoughtful, caring, kind and interested in who they are.
Don’t be needy. But also don’t be arrogant. Yes, we know this is a fine line, but try to aim for confident. Also, unless you’ve been friends for years, it’s probably best not to start acting like a couple on the first date – especially if it’s the first time you’ve met.
I’m not saying leave your phone at home, but unless you’re in the middle of a work day or expecting a call from Obama, you probably don’t need to have your phone glued to your hand during dates. I’ve been on dates with guys who took every call or read and replied to every text or Facebook update while we were spending time together; I quickly decided that having to fight a phone for attention was pretty sad.
7. The ex files
By the time you’ve hit your mid-20s, pretty much everyone has a past. We understand this. But we don’t need to hear about how amazing your ex-girlfriend was or what beautiful places you travelled to together. Obviously there’s a reason why you’re no longer together, so why ruin what could be a good thing with us because you’re so caught up in the past.
8. Dating other people
In the early days, you might still be testing the waters with a couple of people trying to decide who is the best fit for you. But if that’s what you’re doing, at least be honest about it, because if we find out through other people, or even worse, run into you with someone else, we’ll be out the door faster than you can say, ‘it’s not what you think!’
9. Let’s talk about sex
Firstly, let’s start with the prelude to sex: sexting, nude pics and the like. I know so many women who have been chatting to guys for a few days or been on one date, then they open a text message and BAM! Nudity. And to be quite frank, they aren’t very attractive. So keep your pecker in your pants at least until you’re formally a couple (and maybe check if that’s the kind of thing she likes before you send it). Secondly, and this is pretty important … sex isn’t just about you. In the words of Lily Allen: “It’s really not okay, oh, you’re supposed to care, but all you do is take, yeah, all you do is take.”
10. Make an effort – with yourself
Always remember that how you present yourself on a date, especially a first date, is incredibly important. You may have made a great first impression over emails, messages and phone calls, but if you turn up for a date wearing ripped shorts, a stained t-shirt or rubber thongs, she’s likely to be disappointed. And here’s a bonus tip: women love a man who smells nice so opt for a decent deodorant, if not aftershave.
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