How to tell if someone is trustworthy
The ability to know who to trust and who to steer clear of is an essential skill in every aspect of the dating process. We all have an inbuilt intuition that alerts us when something isn’t quite right but sometimes it can become over-sensitive especially if your trust has been broken in the past. If you can’t rely on your intuition to tell who to trust you may play too safe and miss out on opportunities to meet really genuine people.
Signs that someone is trustworthy
There are signs you can look out for to let you know that a match is trustworthy. The most important thing to look out for is consistency and openness. They are happy to talk about themselves and what they say on their profile is consistent with what they tell you when you start chatting online.
They will answer messages promptly and not leave you for days or weeks waiting to hear from them. Being available to chat online at different times of the evening and weekends is a good indication that they are not hiding their contact with you from anyone.
Someone who is genuine will be eager to get to know you but won’t put pressure on you to meet before you are ready. They will remember things you have told them and you won’t feel like you have to fight for their attention or that they keep mixing you up with someone else.
When you do arrange a meeting they should agree that it is in a public place – this is important for the safety of you both. Contact with them should leave you feeling good and looking forward to hearing from them again.
Warning signs to look out for
While the majority of eHarmony members are genuine there is the occasional untrustworthy or unscrupulous person. It’s important you know how to spot them.
People who aren’t genuine tend to want to move things along at a much quicker pace and you may feel like you are in a whirlwind romance. This can be exciting and encourage you to let your guard down but be very cautious if someone starts asking you for personal details e.g. address or workplace, before you have even met.
Don’t be pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do. This includes sending money to a match, doing them favours or putting up with rude or insulting behaviour.
If someone is very grandiose, showy or boastful but their claims are inconsistent and not supported by any evidence there is a good chance that they are not genuine. If it all sounds too good to be true it probably is.
Intuition is an important sense that should not be ignored when you are dating. Do not over-ride it even if you think you are being too sensitive. Most people who have had a partner who turned out to be untrustworthy said that the signs were all there at the beginning but they chose to ignore them.
If you can trust yourself, and learn to validate your feelings by checking them out with someone else even if they seem irrational, then you’ll be much more able to trust other people. You can trust anyone if you can trust yourself. Trusting yourself means that if you get a gut feeling something is not quite right, you won’t compromise what’s important to you for the sake of romance.
You can be trusting and have strong boundaries. This doesn’t mean that you won’t let anyone in but that you will vet them thoroughly before you do.
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