Let it go: lessons from a disney princess
We’re excited to bring you the first post in a four part series brought to you by our very own Dating and Relationship Expert, Melanie Schilling. This week Mel is sharing some of her best dating tips and tools, and inviting you to join her on the 30 Day Dating Challenge.
If you’ve seen Disney’s cult kid’s movie, Frozen, you’ll be familiar with the popular torch song, ‘Let It Go’. Like most clever kiddie-flicks, Frozen has many levels. It offers a cute, friendly story for the little ones and a deeper, more mature lesson for the adults. When Elsa belts out the icy ballad, we are forced to ask ourselves – what do I need to let go of?
As a psychologist and dating coach, I often meet people who believe they are ready for their next relationship, but are still carrying a heavy load from the past. Many of my clients come to me feeling frustrated that they keep repeating the same patterns, essentially dating the same partners in different clothing. When we dig a little beneath the surface, we generally find a set of thoughts, beliefs or memories that are getting in the way.
When the same broken record is repeating its dysfunctional song in your head, it’s really hard to create different results.
As adults, we all have certain songs that play over and over in our minds. Some call it ‘baggage’, I prefer to think of it as an outdated song that is no longer in tune. Your song might be based on your parents’ relationship, your own past relationships, your experience with dating in general or your beliefs about what you deserve.
Throughout this week I’m going to introduce you to one of my favourite clients, let’s call her Rachel.
As a busy professional woman in her late-thirties, Rachel had experienced several tumultuous relationships with men and carried the scars to prove it. When we met, it was about two years since her last relationship and according to Rachel, she was ready to move on.
She had plunged herself back into the dating scene, both online and offline, and was having a terrible time. Although she told herself she was ready, she sabotaged her dating life at every turn. Her inner voice was constantly screaming at her “he’ll cheat … all men lie … you’ll never be happy with him … you don’t deserve this”. And not surprisingly, the men she dated didn’t stick around for long.
Rachel also came to the realisation that as a child, her father had been unfaithful to her mother and this was impacting her as an adult. She had built up a negative perception of men and tended to look at her dates through a tinted lens.
Rachel’s old song was playing over and over in her mind, holding her back from fulfilling her relationship potential. We worked together on her self-talk and she managed to develop a new song about men and relationships. As a result, Rachel started to approach her dating life with more optimism and openness to possibilities.
What do you need to let go of…?
Perhaps you can relate to aspects of Rachel’s story. Ask yourself:
- Have you ever taken notice of the things you tell yourself?
- Is there a song (or broken record) playing over and over in your head?
- What are the current messages you are sending yourself about relationships?
- If you could change the song, what would you change it to?
- What impact would this make in your life?
Follow the next three episodes of this blog series to find out what happened next in Rachel’s dating life. And, follow the link below to join me on The 30 Day Dating Challenge so you can learn how to develop your own new, more constructive song.
Ladies*, join eHarmony Dating and Relationship Expert, Melanie Schilling on her 30 Day Dating Challenge. In this FREE video mini-series, Mel will guide you through each of the 4 stages of the challenge:
- Let It Go
- Bring It On
- See It Now
- Make It Happen
You will get a sneak peak at some of her most popular dating tips and tools, including downloadable worksheets and a guided visualisation.
CLICK HERE for instant access.
*Gents, you are also welcome to join The Challenge, just be aware that it was designed for women so beware of the PINK.
Do you have thoughts you’d like to share? Let us know in the comments below or join the conversation on Facebook, Twitter & Instagram. And if you are ready to narrow down the world of possibilities, sign up to eharmony today- find someone made for you.
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