Never too late to find love

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It is a strange thing to think that many people regard themselves as too old to start dating or to find a new relationship. In reality the qualities that make a healthy relationship are timeless and ageless – kindness, thoughtfulness, honesty and respect etc. If anything, a person’s capacity to show these qualities improves with age and therefore so does their chances of forming a relationship that will last, here’s why:

Mature people have a better idea of what they want

Life is a great teacher and by the time we reach middle age most people have had many different kinds of relationships – with friends, lovers, children and colleagues. The things people thought were important in earlier life like good looks, flash cars, fashionable clothing have usually been replaced with a desire to find someone with qualities that will last long after looks have faded. This can make people much more open to getting to know someone properly rather than judging them on superficial levels. Knowing yourself also means you know what you want in terms of life experiences – if you want to travel or learn to dance – time is more precious and the awareness that this is not a rehearsal can make older people more ready to commit to a relationship.

They know who they are

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

                                                                                        Shakespeare

It is impossible to be true to yourself if you don’t really know who you are. Early adulthood is a journey of self-discovery and it often isn’t until middle age that people get a real sense of who they are and what makes them tick. In terms of relationships this can mean that people make mistakes early on, choosing people that are completely incompatible with them or compromising their own principles to accommodate a relationship that is doomed to never work out because they are such different personality types.

Emotional maturity

We all mature at different rates and emotional maturity is no exception but by the time we have reached 40 most people have learnt some of these valuable lessons which equip them to be able to relate to people in a more mature way and therefore have more successful relationships:

  •  It’s not all about you – when we are young it is natural to be self-absorbed and often even a bit self-obsessed. Everything that happens is taken very personally when we are young but as we grow older we begin to have more perspective and to be able to see situations from another person’s point of view which is essential for healthy relationships
  • Feelings aren’t facts – it takes some life experience to come to realise that feelings pass and cannot kill us. Being angry, jealous hurt or upset is uncomfortable to experience in ourselves, and painful to witness in a partner, but it doesn’t mean that the relationship is over or that you aren’t compatible.

Appreciation of life

There is nothing like the death of a loved one to help you appreciate the people around you and all the joy they bring to your life. By their mid 40s most people have lost at least one significant person from their life, often a grandparent or parent, sometimes a friend. Whoever it is loss often brings up the painful sadness of wishing we had loved and appreciated the person more when they were alive and a vow that we will appreciate the people who are still here more. We are therefore become less likely to take the love we have in our lives for granted.

Love keeps you young

Not only is it true that you are never too old to find love but love can actually help to ensure that you get to live even longer. Research has shown that being in love can help to lower blood pressure, improve mental health and give you better motivation to recover from serious illness or operations.

Having someone significant in your life can actually give you a reason to keep on living and that seems like a good enough reason to start dating, whatever your age.

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