Signs a date has crossed the line from eager to desperate


There is something very off putting when you go on a date with someone who seems too keen. There is often an edginess, a false smile or a nervous energy which in turn makes you feel on edge as though if you go any further into developing a connection with this person you will have a very hard time getting out of it further down the line. Look out for these signs in yourself as well as in dates so you don’t cross the subtle but crucial line.

Always being free to meet or chat

If someone is online all the time and free to chat, able to be ready for a date with only ten minutes notice and answers every text or phone call within seconds of receiving it, it implies only one thing – they have nothing else going on in their life. Although it may seem romantic to be the sole focus of someone’s attention when it actually happens it can feel quite overwhelming and suffocating.

It is far better if dating is only a small section of your life – a piece of the jigsaw rather than the whole picture. Even if there isn’t much going on in your life right now make an effort to develop other interests and hobbies. This will make you a more rounded, fulfilled person and also give you interesting topics to talk to your dates about.

Doing things you don’t want to do

People who are verging on the line between keen and desperate often find themselves agreeing to do things they really don’t want to do because the need to be in a relationship has started to outweigh the need to be true to themselves. They may feel they need to compromise if they are ever to be successful in finding a partner. Compromise is good if it means you are opening your mind to new possible matches like meeting people from out of your normal area or dating different nationalities – you are broadening your spectrum which is only a good thing. Problems arise when you start to say yes when you mean no; behave in uncharacteristic ways to get your date’s approval; or find yourself morphing into someone you just don’t recognise as you stop trying to find a relationship to fit you and try to fit yourself to whatever is available.

Making unacceptable behaviour acceptable

A sure sign of desperation is when someone starts making excuses for being treated badly by a date. If someone is rude or obnoxious and it is explained away because they have had a bad day at work it may be seen as acceptable once but it is not ok if it happens repeatedly. We teach people how to treat us and even if someone has had a horrible childhood, is in a bad work situation, or has other problems it is not an excuse to be rude, abusive or unpleasant. If you allow yourself to be treated badly at the very beginning you may end up with a relationship but it’s unlikely to be a happy or healthy one.

A need for approval

Compliments are lovely when they are given freely but desperate people have a tendency to wheedle them out of people often by making disparaging remarks about themselves e.g. ‘I look so fat in this outfit’ is a cue for you to say, ‘No you don’t, you look great.’ Not only does this make the compliment less valid because it was fished for but it puts the other person in the uncomfortable position of feeling pressured to say the right thing. It isn’t just about their appearance that a desperate dater will need reassurance they will want to check on the progress of the relationship every step of the way, wanting to know whether you are having a good time and want to see them again etc.

No room to breathe

Once you are involved with someone like this there is usually a barrage of calls, texts, emails and such an eagerness to be in your life every second of the day that many people feel quickly smothered. Even if they are genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with the person a date on the receiving end of such attention might find themselves heading for the door.

Putting the rest of your life on hold when you start dating puts too much pressure on a new relationship to succeed. Keep living, start loving.

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