Signs it’s not your time to date
Everyone wants to be happy and it is commonly believed that having a loving supportive relationship is an essential part of the happiness we all seek. There are however times when the search for the perfect partner would be better put on hold because the motivation for seeking a new partner is an attempt to fix problems rather than find someone to share your life with. Here we look at some common examples.
Dates can cost money and if you are struggling financially, as many people are at the moment, it may be better to put dating on hold while you get yourself straight money-wise. If you do want to continue dating make sure you do so within your means and don’t be afraid to say no to going to restaurants or venues that are beyond your budget. Dating can be nerve-wracking enough without having to worry about whether you can pay the bill at the end of the evening.
Although being in a couple may eventually mean that you can share financial responsibilities this is not a good reason on its own to want to find a partner. When you are looking for someone to support you financially it stops you from assessing other qualities a person may or may not have. There is also a danger, if your financial situation is very pressing, that you will rush into something before you are ready because you are afraid you can’t cope on your own.
As difficult as it may be it is better to try and get yourself into a secure financial position before you date – or at least into a position where you are managing independently – then you will be free to take your time and meet matches who are both rich and poor and assess them more on how compatible you are than the size of their bank account.
To please other people
There is no point in dating unless you are doing it for yourself. Friends and family may encourage you to go out and start dating again – especially if you have been heartbroken or bereaved. It is natural for people to think that the best thing for you would be to find someone new to help mend your broken heart but it takes time to heal and only you will know when you are ready to move on. Dating to please other people could damage your confidence in the long run and ultimately isn’t fair to the person you are dating because you won’t be emotionally available to them.
A quick fix
Everyone has problems and it is natural to want to find ways to make yourself feel better but dating isn’t a good way to try and fix your problems. Whatever it is that you are dealing with – family issues, addiction, health problems or emotional difficulties – it is better to tackle your problems while you are single rather than postpone the work that will have to be done one day. Dating may provide a very pleasant distraction from these difficult issues but once the high emotions have settled down you will still have all the same issues to deal with.
In order to build a successful and healthy relationship both parties need to be emotionally available and prepared to take responsibility for their own individual health and wellbeing. This begins with a willingness to tackle their own problems – a bit like preparing the garden before sewing the seeds – you will get a much better yield if you remove all the weeds and stones.
You don’t have to be problem-free to start dating but its a good idea to remember that dating is not way to fix problems.
To fill an empty space
If you have lost a partner, however it has happened, it can be tempting to start dating before you are ready because it is so uncomfortable feeling the emptiness inside. Dating when you are on the rebound is usually a bad idea because the chances are you aren’t fully over your ex.
If you are doing it to get revenge or to make your ex jealous it is even more likely that you will end up more hurt than you already are or hurt someone else in the process. Give yourself time to recover from the loss of your previous partner then you will be more open to finding the love you deserve rather than a temporary relief from the pain.
Just as there are times when it is better not to date there are many others where dating is the best thing you could do for yourself – only you can judge because only you know how you feel and what it is you hope to get from the dating process.
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