Signs you are looking for a quick fix relationship
In the age of high speed connections, instant gratification and world wide communication, it can be easy to think that relationships should also give the same quick fix. Trying to force things along too fast can often ruin the chances of anything developing at all – instead of a quick relationship you get a quick disappointment. Here we look at some of the ways this happens.
Wanting a ready-made commitment
Sometimes people believe that they don’t have the time and energy to devote to building a relationship especially as they get older. They often have such a clear blueprint of what it is they are looking for in a partner that they become impatient and intolerant of the time it takes for some of the fundamental aspects of a relationship to develop – trust, commitment and respect all happen in their own time and how long that is will be unique to each person no matter how old they are.
Sometimes people are less caught up in the fundamentals and more preoccupied with the role they want a new partner to play in their lives. They may have quite fixed ideas about what jobs a man or woman does around the house and may be looking more for a cleaner or handyperson than for an intimate relationship. Each person you date will have unique skills and abilities which, when coupled with your own unique talents, means that any relationship between you will also be unique. Being too rigid about roles can block you from relationships that may not be traditional but could be very fulfilling.
A replacement model
When people have been in a relationship for many years and then find themselves single, either because of divorce or bereavement, they are sometimes guilty of entering the dating world looking for someone to fit the same role as their lost spouse. They aren’t necessarily interested in getting to know someone new they just want to fill the hole in their lives that the loss of their partner has left. In this situation a new partner will be compared, either favourable or unfavourably, with the old one and will probably never match up because they are a different person.
A new parent
People who find themselves left holding the baby may be tempted to rush into another relationship as much for the children as for themselves. Although it is very difficult to raise children on your own it is much wiser to enlist the help of your friends and family than it is to introduce a new partner into your children’s lives too soon. However the relationship ended, children are deeply affected when their parents split up and need time to come to terms with what has happened. When you feel ready to date again make sure you are doing it for yourself. When you do meet someone you are attracted to, it is important that you give the connection between you time to grow strong and committed before you introduce them to your children.
One of the most common forms of quick-fix relationships is when a person allows their imagination to run wild and see a wonderful romantic future with someone – sometimes before they have even met them! They feel so certain that this person is the one for them that they often have moved at least five steps ahead of their unsuspecting date. The trouble with this is that they may react and respond to their date as though their imaginings were real – ie. that the relationship really is at the point of marriage or proposal rather than on a second date. This places the two people out of sync and can lead to disappointment.
Keep your feet on the ground and don’t rush things along too quickly because you are eager for the other person to catch up with where you are in your imagination – you are liable to scare them off.
Relationships aren’t a quick fix and don’t come ready made, trying to make them be will often leave you feeling frustrated and confused. You can’t force a flower to bloom and neither can you force someone’s heart to open. Give it time and allow firm foundations to develop that are based in reality which takes into account both person’s feelings rather than a romantic fantasy which is purely your own.
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