Spring Clean Your Dating Life


By Melanie SchillingPsychologist and Dating Coach

Winter is officially over. If you’re like me, you probably spent the cosy months indoors, on the couch, over-sleeping and eating carbohydrates, right? Winter has a strange knack of keeping us contained and limiting our potential. Maybe it’s the cold, the dark or the slower pace of the season, but human beings tend to react in a melancholic way.

Ever heard of the ‘Winter Blues’ (or SAD – Seasonal Affective Disorder)? It’s a very real condition and although most of us don’t experience the full effect every winter, it’s common to have a few symptoms that can be enough to keep you indoors and away from the dating scene.

So, all hail Spring!

Spring is full of possibilities. It’s a new beginning, a fresh start, a time to shed your winter coat and step into the sunshine. Spring represents an opportunity to reinvent yourself and become the best version of YOU.

Spring is the time to live your potential in terms of your mindset, health, fitness and vitality. So start a new chapter and take the time to Spring Clean your dating life.

Top 5 tips to Spring Clean your dating life

1. Create a Springtime mindset

Every time you get a glimpse of the sun peeking through the clouds tell yourself ‘anything is possible’. Allow the sun to be your reminder to see the bright side of every situation, to reflect on the positives and look for the possibilities.

Develop a blossoming approach to your self-talk. Pay attention to the things you tell yourself. There may be some winter hang-overs in your internal dialogue so be sure to pick yourself up on this. For example, if you notice yourself thinking “I’m not good enough … I’m too fat … they won’t like me”, try to re-frame this in springtime language. For example: “I’m a great person … I like the way I am becoming the best version of me … The right people will like me.”

2. Develop a fresh dating brand

Your dating brand starts on the inside, with your personal values and lifestyle preferences. Whilst some of our values endure over a lifetime and don’t tend to change (e.g. love or trust), other values are more situational and tend to change throughout our lives, depending on our life circumstances (e.g. wealth or health). This is the perfect time to review your values and to think about ‘what is most important to me?’

eHarmony’s Relationship Study this year found that the top 3 things Aussies are looking for in a partner are shared values, similar interests and someone to make them laugh. By starting with your own values, you will have a strong foundation from which to screen potential partners and will always have something to talk about on your dates.

Click here to download your values worksheet to help work out your highest values.

For more information about your dating brand, see my previous article here.

3. Reality check your deal-breakers

Looking at potential partners though your winter lens can create a rather negative view. Spring is a great time to redefine what you do and do not want in a partner, and to do a reality check. For instance, in winter, you may have a less open and forgiving approach to men leaving the toilet seat up or women spending too long in the bathroom, but come Spring, these things may seem less important.

4. Get your vitality on

It’s time to shed your metaphorical winter coat – whatever this means for you. It may be about your weight, your eating choices, your exercise routines or your attitudes. If you have developed bad habits during the colder months, now is the time to reboot.

Research tells us that people are attracted to other people who are living their best life. So, when you focus your energy on self-improvement, in whatever form this takes, you will become a people-magnet.

5. Refresh your online dating profile

Remember, your profile is like a marketing document for your favourite product: YOU. Once you have refreshed your mindset, dating brand, deal-breakers and vitality, spend some time updating your profile to reflect this.

Most importantly, take some new photos! Capture some moments when you are doing what you love, living your values and being the best version of yourself. Notice what happens in your dating life once your external messages match the way your feel on the inside – this is true magnetism.

Happy Dating!

If this article gave you the confidence to find your match, try eharmony today!

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