Springtime 21 day challenge


Spring-clean your dating mindset with this simple 21 day challenge.

At last, Winter is coming to an end and Spring is just around the corner.

So many of us shut down our dating mojo during Winter – we hibernate, spend time on the couch, eat comfort food and sometimes, we lose touch with our hopes and dreams for a future relationship. Winter can drain us of our optimism and positive energy, it can leave us feeling a little flat and low in motivation.

Now is the time to let go of your Winter Self and embrace your Spring Self. Your Spring Self is all about new beginnings, renewal, refreshing new experiences, self-respect and dating inspiration.

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Think of the next 21 days as your Winter Cleansing and the detoxification of your dating mindset.

How to detoxify your dating mindset

One of the fathers of Positive Psychology, Martin Seligman, has developed a simple yet highly effective technique for increasing optimism. It’s called the Three Good Things Exercise and this forms the basis for our dating mindset detox.

Quite simply, this exercise requires you to recall three good things that happen each day. That is, GOOD things, not extraordinary things, not outrageously amazing things, just good things. At the end of each day, you stop and reflect, recall your day and identify the three good things that happened. They may be as simple as ‘a stranger smiled at me when I felt sad’ or ‘I said no to a chocolate’ or more significant events like ‘I stood up to a bully’ or ‘my child took her first steps.’

The research tells us that this activity will help you to focus more on the positive things in your life and less on the problems or troubles. Over time, you will start to notice the positive things in the moment, as they are happening, giving you a greater sense of wellbeing.

What to do over the next 21 days

OK, so here is my challenge to you:

For 21 days, I would like you to recall the three good things that happen to you each day. Why 21 days, you might ask? Because the research suggests it takes 21 days to create a new habit.

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You can either use a journal and write your three good things each night, or use an App like this one.

To make this activity even more powerful, select an Optimism Buddy. This is a person you know well and trust and you can invite them into the challenge with you. You make a promise to each other that each night at a set time, say 8:00pm, you will share your three good things with each other. You might chose to do this via phone, SMS, email or social media. Having an Optimism Buddy will keep you accountable to yourselves AND each other, and help you stay motivated throughout the 21 days.

Share, share, share

The team at eharmony would love you to share your 21 day challenge with us. Let us know in the comments below or on FacebookTwitter & Instagram. And if you are ready to narrow down the world of possibilities, sign up to eharmony today- find someone made for you. At the end of your 21 days you will be in a new headspace, with a new perspective on life and love. This will be the perfect time to revisit your eharmony profile and your hopes and expectations about your next relationship. Take notice of what changes for you and let us know, we’d love to hear about your new perspective.

By Melanie SchillingPsychologist and Dating Coach

Happy Dating!

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