The bad boy attraction


There are many different versions of the bad boy and throughout history and romantic literature there are stories of ordinary ‘good’ girls running off with them – whether it’s the lone ranger on horseback or the leader of a notorious gang. There are many different reasons why these men are so attractive to women. Here we look at a few of the most common.

Thrill seeking

If a woman has been good all her life the allure of the bad boy may be the thrills – the huge adrenaline rush that comes from bending the rules and living by your own moral code. This can be a heady experience and if a woman is also defying social and family conventions there is the added exhilaration of breaking free.

Red hot passion

Anyone living on the edges usually has a very vital energy and passion fuelling their lifestyle. Some women see this – a man constantly getting into scrapes or on the wrong side of the law for example – and think that if he was with her his passions would be redirected and he would become a reformed character.

This reformation isn’t just about wanting to change the man for his own sake, it is also about a woman wanting that passion and energy directed her way – even the most modern woman may fantasise about being swept off her feet, hot sensual kisses, secret trysts, deep conversations and, mostly, being loved and desired with a burning passion.

Dating someone like this can end up giving you a lot more than you bargained for, especially if the man becomes overbearing or controlling. It may initially feel great to be the object of someone’s obsession but if you decide you want to end it you might find it difficult to escape. Beware of anyone who appears to have brooding anger and resentment fuelling their passion for you or unfinished business from their past which keeps coming into the relationship.

You see what they ‘could be’

There is something very attractive about seeing someone’s potential and a thrill in the idea that you could be the one who enables them to fulfil it. Many bad boy characters have boundless potential but have not had the right opportunities or the support and encouragement they needed – he may be an artist; a musician or a lost boy who just needs love to be able to really grow – there are many versions of the same story and the magic key in all of them, according to women who are drawn into these relationships, is the love she can provide. Her love will unlock his talents. She will believe in him where no-one else has and she will stand by his side come what may because only she can see his true potential.

Falling in love with someone’s potential is a risky business because you are likely to become frustrated if your attempts to ‘fix’ them are unsuccessful. If they do get more confident and successful you might find that they leave you behind and you were only a stepping stone on their journey rather than the rock their new life is built upon.

A successful relationship begins with falling in love with someone as they are now rather than someone you think you may be in the future even though the idea of changing them for the better may seem very appealing.

What’s driving the attraction?

There are many possible reasons why women are drawn to men like this – some are so subtle you may not even be aware of them. One of these is to do with where you are on your monthly cycle. According to new research a woman is more likely to find a strong sexy man more attractive when she is ovulating. This is to do with the innate desire to select the strongest mate (rather than the most reliable) and the hormones released in the body affect her perception of what an ideal mate is like.

A woman’s childhood and particularly her relationship with her father is also going to have a large influence. If her father was absent, abusive, emotionally distant or rebellious she may subconsciously be drawn to recreate the same situation again in her adult life and choose someone who is just as unavailable to her because it is very familiar. She may also choose a mate she thinks would gain her father’s approval even if it doesn’t feel like the right choice for her.

Be aware of your patterns and what is driving your choices – if you keep doing the same thing you are likely to keep getting the same result.

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