The difference between the right and wrong partner
Have you ever felt stuck in a relationship that was obviously wrong for you, but for some reason you were blind to all the signs?
Hindsight is a powerful tool – and the trick to making sure your dating past can benefit your dating future is to use the lessons you’ve learned to your advantage. If you can teach yourself to spot the signs of an incompatible partner, you’ll be able to avoid spending too much time in the wrong relationship and be open when the right relationship comes along.
When you are with the wrong person
1. You bring out the worst in each other. For some reason that you can’t quite put your finger on, you feel like a different person around your partner, and not in a good way.
2. Spending time with them leaves you exhausted. After a day with your partner, you feel drained, tired and worn out mentally and emotionally. Perhaps you’re overly stimulated or maybe you’re bored but either way, you’re not playing on the same field as your partner.
3. You don’t trust them. You might have cold, hard evidence that you shouldn’t trust your partner or perhaps it’s just a sneaking suspicion, but you can’t seem to ease the feeling in the back of your mind that something isn’t right. The longer you stay, the stronger the feeling gets and if you’ve confronted them about it, it usually hasn’t gone well.
4. You don’t care about working on your shortcomings together. They hate the way you’re so critical when you’re angry. You hate how inconsiderate they can be. You fight, and fight and fight and there’s never any attempt to rectify the behaviours that you know get on each other’s nerves. Deep down, you don’t really care.
5. The thought of a future together leaves you apprehensive. When you think of your five to ten year plan, you struggle to see how they’ll fit in. Will they hold you back? Will you be sick of each other by then? What if things don’t get any better than they are right now? There are too many questions and you’re fairly sure you already know the answers.
6. You strongly disagree on core beliefs and values. You can get past them for now, but you feel like you’re wearing a mask and you wonder how long you can push aside your personal beliefs. Every time these topics are brought up, there’s an argument.
7. You’re hesitant to bring them around your friends and family. You tell yourself it’s because you’re just nervous that you want your loved ones to like them, but in the back of your mind you’re stressing about all the things that might go wrong. You can practically already hear your family saying, “We just don’t think they’re good for you”.
When you are with the right person
1. You bring out the best in each other. You encourage each other to grow. You know that change is positive and healthy, and you want to grow and learn together.
2. Spending time with them leaves you energised. When you hang out together, you feel positive and happy. There’s fun, playfulness and laughter in abundance in your relationship.
3. You trust each other. You know you can count on each other to do the right thing. You don’t feel any twangs of extreme jealousy or doubting each other’s motives.
4. You’re willing to work on your shortcomings together. When you do have a conflict, you’re both willing to work on your faults and behavioural patterns to improve the relationship. You know that you’ll both support each other as you work to improve yourselves.
5. The thought of a future together leaves you excited. You’re not exactly sure what your future will bring, but the thought of your partner being in it for the long haul leaves you with butterflies!
6. You feel like you can be yourself around them. You might not agree on absolutely everything, but you feel like your opinion is respected and you respect theirs, too. You know that you don’t have to hold back on who you are and when those topics are brought up, you both handle them respectfully.
7. You want to sing their praises from the rooftops! You love the thought of your partner mingling around the dinner table with your family and laughing it up with your friends at a BBQ. You’re not worried if your loved ones will approve. You can practically already hear your family saying, “They’re wonderful!”
A solid understanding of what a healthy relationship feels like will help you have the clarity to recognise the right partner when they come along. Remember: there’s a lesson in every relationship (no matter how short), but only if we open our eyes to what’s right in front of us.
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