Three common reasons why you’re still single, and what you can do about it


By Harriet Farkash

Trap #1 You keep dating the same person in different clothing

We all develop patterns in our life and sometimes this turns up in our dating life. It may be due to childhood experiences or past relationship dynamics, but whatever the reason it’s important to recognise the pattern in order to change it. For example, do you keep dating people who treat you badly? People who avoid commitment? Or people who smother you?

The solution: Identify your patterns and consider how they might be contributing to the situation. Often, people send out messages that tell others how to treat them and this can result in the same type of potential partner responding over and over again. For example, if you present a Personal Dating Brand that says “I have a low level of self-respect,” you might consistently attract people who take advantage of you. If your brand says “I don’t really want a relationship,” you might find yourself dating commitment-phobes. It’s all about taking personal responsibility for your brand, the messages you communicate and the way you screen potential dates.

Trap #2 You think no one is interested in you

This issue often comes up when people are ‘fishing in the wrong pond’. For example, someone who values honesty and respect and seeks a quiet life, but goes to nightclubs to meet potential partners will be disappointed with their results.

The solution: It’s important to become really clear about who you are, what you value and the type of relationship and life you want to cultivate. Once this is clear, you will become more strategic in finding target rich environments, your pool will become smaller but you’ll find there will be more of the right types swimming in there. Once you start looking in the right places, you’ll find that your success rates improve.

Trap #3 You’ve been doing online dating for years… without a strategy

This is a common one. So many people apply a ‘hit and miss’ approach to their online dating campaign and become disappointed when they don’t get the results they desire. Even with the benefit of eHarmony’s Compatibility Matching System, if your profile, photos and communications don’t represent your brand and strategy, you’ll have a long road ahead.

The solution: Align your online profile with your true values, lifestyle preferences and interests, and use communication to screen out potential dates based on your deal-breakers. Most people notice amazing results once they tweak their profiles to reflect their true self and start being more strategic in their communication.

For more of Melanie’s dating and relationship advice on eH Advice, visit

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