What a dating coach wishes you knew about first dates, sex, rejection and more


By Harriet Farkash

First dates: Are a great opportunity to screen for values alignment and chemistry. After the first date, don’t play games – treat your date like you would treat a friend, with respect and dignity.

Baggage: We’ve all got it, so there’s no point in trying to hide it. As the line in the musical Rent goes, “I’m looking for baggage that goes with mine”.

Confidence: Most people feel confident when they are being their authentic selves and dating the right people – dating doesn’t have to be a confidence busting experience.

Sex: Listen to your intuition and ask yourself if sex will move you toward or away from your ultimate relationship goal?

Intimacy: Truly takes time to develop, so don’t push it before the relationship is ready.

Friends and family: They might not mean to, but friends and family can often judge, and judgement is not your friend. Set boundaries in relation to your dating life – make a conscious decision about who you share your dating experiences with.

Heartbreak: Difficult at the time, but a great teacher. Once the wounds have healed its very valuable to reflect on what happened and why, to ensure you don’t repeat the same patterns.

Rejection: Despite all the strategies and tactics in the world, dating is ultimately a numbers game and rejection is a necessary evil. It’s important to learn to re-frame rejection and learn from it, and try to separate the emotion from the situation (easier said than done!).

Love: When you love yourself and others, you will be more attractive to potential partners, so surround yourself with love – friends, family and self.

For more of Melanie’s dating and relationship advice on eH Advice, visit http://bit.ly/1mwaiX2

Do you have any questions for Melanie? Let us know in the comments below or join the conversation @eHarmony_AU or on Facebook.com/eHarmonyaustralia.

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