What men think
How many hours have you spent trying to dissect why a guy never followed up with you…especially after things seemed so promising? Well, let me save you the guesswork…and tell you how to keep this pattern from playing out for you:
Reason #1: He’s having trouble being honest
If you and a man hit it off, but then he never seems to make the initiative to see you again – then something else is going on.
Men often have a hard time sharing the truth about their feelings with women they’ve just met. Maybe he’s already seeing someone else. It’s fine to casually ask in a playful way, “I’m curious since you’re kinda cute – are you dating anyone interesting right now?” Invite honesty from men, and you’ll get it. If you wait and wonder, you’ll end up wasting your own time and energy.
Reason #2: He’s not looking for something serious right now
If a man really likes you, but he is more interested in something casual and senses you’re not that kind of girl, he’ll move on – partially out of respect for you.The timing is simply off. Not calling you back was his way of letting you know where he’s at without having to say it directly. Take heart – in this case he’s actually doing you a favour by not calling.
Reason #3: He was just being polite
Have you ever given your number to a man who asked for it, all the while dreading the idea of ever talking to him again? Men do something similar with women. Sometimes men can enjoy a date with you but not really be interested in anything more. In this case, a man was just being polite by saying he’d call.
Reason #4: Something told him you two are not a good fit
This is usually the one that feels most frustrating for women, because you feel as if he’d only gotten to know you better, he’d see how wonderful you are. And you’re right – knowing if someone is right for you takes time. But you deserve a man who is intrigued enough by you on a first date to want to see you again. So how do you set yourself up to maximize your chances that a guy will call…and that YOU’LL be deciding whether or not to keep seeing him?
Well, try this… As you can see, none of these four reasons – except the last – has anything to do with who you are as a woman. It’s your choice to give the situations you come across with men the meaning you want. Here’s what I mean by that: if you’re criticising yourself because a guy didn’t pick up the phone and call you right away, you might end up feeling hurt or confused. And the next time you do get on the phone and try and have a casual conversation with that man, or another man, that confusion or fear comes across in lots of subtle ways.
In other words, if you talk to a new man with an underlying sense of anxiety that he may be just like all the other guys and not call, chances are he won’t! Your worst fears end up playing out for you.
Instead, start to look at men with a sense of compassion: every guy has had to deal with lots of rejection and is just as afraid of being hurt as you are. If you can approach the next guy with the expectation that he’s basically a good person trying to do the right thing, you’ll create a sense of trust and ease that will make him FEEL like calling again…and again. Building a solid foundation with a man from the beginning is crucial for having a lasting, secure relationship.
Hi, it’s Christian here. I wanted to take a minute and introduce myself and respond to the question you probably already have in your mind: “Who is Christian Carter?”. At heart I’m someone who is fascinated by human connection and the ways we as people interact. A long time ago something incredible occurred to me after hearing a woman talk about the situation she was facing in her relationship with the man she was with. As she was sharing her feelings and her story with me something suddenly clicked – I could tell that part of what was toughest for her was having NO IDEA what was going on with the man she was supposedly so close with… and she had ZERO confidence in knowing what to do about it and that things would work out.
To learn more about how a man thinks during the dating process all the way through commitment, subscribe to Christian’s free e-newsletter. He’ll teach you specific ways to create the best possible experience during those early dates so that he keeps asking you out.
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