What not to ask a first date

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Interesting conversation is the key to a good first date. The way to keep it flowing is through a balance of sharing, listening, asking questions and showing an interest in the answers.

You need to be careful not to bombard your date with questions as this can make people uncomfortable. Try to stick to open questions which require more than a yes or no in response and be willing to tell them about yourself too.

A conversation is an exchange and if done well it can leave you both wanting more. There are some subjects that should be avoided on the first date if you want the best chance of moving on to a second date.

Wedding plans

While you may really want to know whether your date is thinking in terms of marriage and a family, the first date is not the time to ask when you might walk down the aisle together. Even if there is a strong connection, broaching the subject of a future together too soon can scare even the keenest match away. Be patient and take the time to get to know each other first.

How do you think it is going?

Everyone feels insecure on a first date and it’s natural to want to ask for reassurance that your date likes you and is enjoying your company. However, asking the question will make you seem needy and insecure which aren’t attractive qualities. Instead rely on your intuition, read their body language and soon enough you will know – hopefully when they ask you on a second date.

Remember many people like to go away and reflect on a date before they decide if they want to see someone again. Be patient and don’t push for an answer too quickly.

Situation vacant

Intense questioning should be used sparingly to avoid a first date being more like a job interview. It’s better to share an anecdote about your life that leads into a question rather that ask random, unrelated questions. Avoid questions that are really common but use what you already know from their profile e.g. instead of saying ‘Do you like music?’ you could say ‘I saw on your profile that you like Jazz, have you ever been to a live session?’

Have you got any cash?

Even in a genuine emergency where you’ve lost your purse/wallet do not ask your date if you can borrow money from them. You’re strangers and even if you’re sure you want to see each other again, asking for money gives the impression that at best, you’re careless and at worst, that you want to exploit them. If you find yourself in a financial scrape call a friend to bail you out.

Intimate details

A first date should be fun and the conversation kept light. You may know things about your match from your conversation online or their profile but this isn’t the time to explore more deeply. It is also not appropriate to ask about sexual preferences or other intimate details. There’ll be time for all those conversations when you’ve decided if you want to see each other again.

When you are asked questions keep your answers truthful and light. Avoid over-sharing as it can leave you feeling vulnerable and exposed especially if your date doesn’t ask to see you again.

The key to success on a first date is not getting attached too soon. Just enjoy the date for what it is, try to relax so you can see if there is any chemistry between you.


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